Am I being a big baby?
I've been back at work for just over a week now and I feel like quitting. I can't because I need the money and have responsibilities but it's they've been awful.
Since I went back they're expectations have been far higher than they were before and I'm exhausted. I've always had really good performance meetings and recognition for hard work, I care about my job and clients but the new expectations are unrealistic and only seem to apply to me. I asked a colleague and theirs haven't changed! I don't understand what's happened as I feel like I'm working as well as I always did.
Sorry for the moan but I've been so stressed.
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It sounds like they've decided to manage you out, hence the unrealistic expectations.
Contact your union/ACAS for support asap. Also, update your CV so you can start applying for other jobs.
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Without being there, I can only come to the same conclusion. Go on the sick and let the beggars sack you, that's what I had to do.
I will however add, that i never found work again; i have long since given up looking.
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Hi Anhhedonia2,
It sounds like that you are really going through a tough time at the moment. From an outside perspective it looks like that the company that you work for have not made suitable adjustments to meet a level balance of work for your health. It does sound like they care more about the money and how the company looks than the welfare of its staff.
I too have had similar issues in the past when I worked as a Support Worker. From 2015 to 2020 I had to have time off due to my mental health, but instead of gradual phased return to work it was instead chuck you in at the deep end to see if you could swim. I loved working with the clients that I cared for. But I had a manipulative manager who when was backed into a corner due to lack of staff at the site I worked at, would ring me up and have a way of pressuring me into working around 64 hours in a week with five sleep ins. I was to naive to say No, I would be put on 48 hour shifts with no rest, back to back sleeps where I went home at ten and had to be back at three. Fare to say having worked as a Support Worker between 2012 & 2020 I just reached total burnout and haven’t worked since.
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It's your choice but if it was me I'd tell them to kiss my bum and quit on principle.
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If any company did that to me, I'd sue them into next Friday for wrongful dismissal.
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This is an upsetting read @Anhedonia2. I don't think you're the problem here, reading that. It's just such a shame how they're being, because as you've said, you've always been a good performer and it sounds like you care about doing a good job. I think it'll be their loss in the long run if things don't work out. I'd definitely think about getting some advice.
We have a page here that might be helpful - Being managed out of your job | Disability charity Scope UK.
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And that would be a very bad move for @Anhedonia2, she has children to consider. I have just clocked out and walked away before, but i was young with no responsibilities at the time.
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Id be very careful about going to court, its incredibly traumatic especially if you dont win (more so if the reasons you dont win arent clear).
Much easier to walk away ideally before you get traumatized by the work environment. This is a high risk situation for your mental health.
But if you can go off sick I would do that as ideally you want to be able to say you left for health reasons (so you can claim benefit) . Your GP might put you on a sick line of debility if you explain they are trying to push you out.1 -
@Anhedonia2 Hello :) I’m sorry to read this and how you’re being treated. The stress it brings with it is very real and not to be underestimated, it’s really unfair you’re being treated this way :(
It sounds like they’re intentionally being difficult to try and force you out or undermine your performance and that’s horrible. It’s really saddening to read that you care about your work and are a really good worker and that you’re not being treated kindly or respectfully in your health. I also left my last job when it became unbearable the pressure and lack of recognition for my health and I have found it so daunting to try and go back into work especially the private sector.
Sending you enormous warmth! I always enjoy chatting with you and want to wish you well and be supportive :)
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Hi @Anhedonia2 I am so sorry you are being treated like this when you have been through major surgery.
Could you ask to speak to HR and ask why your role seems to have changed and who made this decision?
Perhaps you went back to work too soon and you need some more recovery time.
Take care.
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no wonder you're ready to pack it in ☹️
Before you do anything else I’d get concrete examples of your past performance reviews and anything else (emails, etcetera) that might help show they were satisfied with your performance beforeAnd try to keep a record of what you’re working on each day and how long it takes you so you can show your workload
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You are all so sweet, thank you! I gave myself a bit of a shake and put on my big girl pants and went back in this morning ready to fight but it was awful again. I got talked over in meetings and little comments like "lets let the people who've been here talk first and you can contribute if there's time at the end" 😑
I was wondering if I was being over sensitive but one of my colleagues pulled me aside at lunch and asked what I'd done to annoy the manager. I also found my new targets are almost double some of my colleagues in the same role!
I don't have a union but appreciate the ACAS suggestion @Stellar, it does feel like I'm being managed out. I'm off on Friday so going to give them a call then.
@ChrisR777, I considered that and really struggled to force myself in today, but I can't afford not to be there, I lost so much money on UC because I was only getting SSP, it's unreal. If it was just me I'd figure it out but it's hard when you have other responsibilities 😓
@Rag_793, wow it sounds like you are so much better not working for them any more! I'm sorry you experienced it. It's quite an isolating feeling isn't it? I'm not one to question myself normally but this has had me second-guessing everything I do.
Thanks @SheffieldMan1976, if I could I would definitely do that! Life is too short to spend so much time miserable. It's a shame as I really loved my job before.
Thank you @Holly_Scope, I didn't realise there would be actual resources for this sort of thing or how common it might be. That was a really helpful read.
Thanks @Slonvinton! Unfortunately when I was off sick for my surgery I ended up benefit capped too and living in London with rent alone costing over £2000 I can't afford to be off sick and capped. You're right though, walking away does feel better at this point!
Aww @yellowpineapple84, thank you! I'm sorry you've experienced it too, it's such a horrible feeling and I never realised how much experiences at work could impact my day-to-day. I've always loved every job I've had and this one particularly, but it does seem like what they're doing is intentional. I really don't understand why, I get it's probably hard when an employee goes off for an extended period but I came back as soon as I was able and went straight back into it!
Thank you @Bluebell21, I appreciate your kind words. I'm a bit scared to approach HR in case it makes it worse though. They'll know I realise I'm not being treated fairly and probably start covering their backs.
That's a good idea @LilMissOops, I have copied of all of those and am going to collate them! Even if I were a bit rusty (which I don't think I am!) it wouldn't explain how harsh they are being and the comments they are making about my work
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Eek, sorry about the essay! I didn't realise how long that had gotten
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I can honestly say that working as a Support Worker for the company I did, alongside nursing my ex through Covid in 2020, just made something snap inside of me and I haven’t worked since.
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@Anhedonia2 Hello, how are you feeling tonight? :)
I’m sorry to read today was like this too and the way you were talked over is extremely rude. The lack of kindness and empathy for you is really unacceptable. It seems that when people have time off work for health reasons we get treated like we’re slackers and when we return we’re looked down upon. This is really not fair. I hope that I can encourage you to see the treatment from them is a reflection on them as human beings and not on you. You’re turning up and trying, having already done really well for their workplace before having time away for your health. Willingness to go back and be involved and showing a hard working spirit and commitment to be greeted with what you’re receiving is just not acceptable. You deserve better than this 🙏🏼
I hope tonight you are okay and hope that your appetite is okay and not being affected by the negativity? When I had problems when I was working my appetite suffered too from the stress and increased anxiety. I was dreading going in the next day and the evenings before I couldn’t eat and felt really uncomfortable. I hope you’re enjoying food still, I remember you once told me you made your own pizzas during the World Cup! :)
Sending warmth to you
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Thank you @SwiftFox You're right, we only live once and it's a short life.
@Rag_793, do you think there's a job or career you'd like to move into one day once you've had time to recover?
Thanks @yellowpineapple84, I haven't made pizzas again since but I'm still managing some dinner each night. It definitely does impact appetite and sleep and everything really. How have you been? Have you been up to much?
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@Anhedonia2 I'm so sorry to read what was said in that meeting! Are you keeping a diary? If not, I'd definitely recommend it.
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Little update: they are definitely trying to manage me out.
They sent me this email last night:
"I am writing to confirm that, following a review of our operational requirements, we are no longer able to accommodate your adjusted start time of 9.30am.
With effect from Monday, 3rd August 2026, you will be required to be in the office and ready to begin work at 9.00am.
We appreciate your cooperation and understanding as we implement this change. If you have any questions or wish to discuss this further, please let me know."
I've had adjusted hours starting at 9.30 since I started there, I start at 9.30 and only take 30 minutes lunch whereas everyone else has an hour, so that I could do the morning school runs. 😕
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Anyway, big girl pants are on and I'm going to force myself out of the car and into the office! I'm not going to reply or acknowledge the email until I've spoken to ACAS tomorrow
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You've got this @Anhedonia2! 💪 Do not let them get you down.
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