I'm at my wits end

lulu1963

This discussion was created from comments split from: Guest post: Verbal and physical aggression - how you can improve challenging behaviour.

lulu1963

Hi my son is nearly 18 
he doesn't sleep . He is so aggressive and literally leaves bruises on me and he says he is lonely and wants a girl friend. He Denys his disability . I am at my wits end please help x

KENDAL123

Hi my son is only 5 he lashes out at the smallest things its been really hard to come to terms that he has learning disabilitys . But am scared that his behaviour will get worse

Blue Frog

Hi @lulu1963 and @KENDAL123 hope you are both ok. Sorry it isn't something that I have a lot of experience with, but @BethSlade has put some useful links on another thread: https://community.scope.org.uk/discussion/29715/teen-with-asd#latest

[Deleted User]

Hey @lulu1963 that sounds really tough - quite a few different emotions going on there. Let's unpick. 

Firstly - the aggression.  Are you safe? Do you have support?

Are you able to attribute the aggression to a particular cause or trigger? if it's related to the lack of sleep, you might want to check out these tips - and maybe look at getting a sleep practitioner in to see if there are things that can be done to support.

Is it related to his condition or some other frustration or something that's difficult to express? If so there are some techniques on the national autistic soc website worth a read.  Also challenging behaviour foundation has good resources.

when you say he denies his disability- what do you mean?  Does he have no insight, is it that he's minimizing the effect, does he not like the 'label' of disability, etc etc?   Would talking to a professional be of help?

A word on relationships...
Dating and romance as a teen is hard enough...! And, experiencing this through the lens of disability can certainly create it's own set of challenges, but without understanding more about your son and what the challenges are, it's difficult to advise on this.

However very generally speaking, the more contented and fulfilled a person is, the more likely they are to externalise that confidence and consequently attract someone worth their time.  IMHO, when we feel lonely, and go out 'looking for love' we end up finding people who are also 'looking for love' because they too, are lonely - and ending up with someone who just wants 'someone', isn't normally a great match for either party... ...because he's got such a lot going on right now, it does seem to me as though in an optimal situation he would get the aggression sorted out first, and the sleep, and any unresolved issues about his condition/impairment.... before new people find their way into his life.  That way, when they do- (and they will) he will be in the best place to invest into these relationships positively and enjoy all the experiences that come his way.

Hopefully others have thoughts on this too

-B

KENDAL123

My son had a stroke when born now left with damage brain cells cells got to more tests done to see what part of the brain it's affected 

wpope

To Lulu not to be blunt but you need to tell your son he ain't gonna get a girlfriend if he doesn't know how to behave even towards you . This behaviour is really unacceptable by him and hopefully it will not end up badly I say this as I have on a couple of occasions ended up going to autism and relationships workshops where they have parents and also have workshops for autism children and young people and I think these are invaluable as they are about relationships and healthy ways to break bad habits and misconceptions before they go down a bad route of phoning in other outside agencies