7 year old's disruptive behaviour in school - what can I do?

gemb

I really hope you can help as I'm really struggling with my seven year old daughter. Since she started school 2 and a half years ago I've been repeatedly called in at the end of the day up to 15 times a month to be informed of her disruptive behaviour. She struggles to sit still in class at a table or on the carpet and always appears not to be listening but yet I'm told she is very intelligent and the teachers are amazed that she ever learns new things as they feel she is never paying attention. When she gets told off she becomes more disruptive and does not follow any of the schools rules regarding listening and sitting quietly. The school feel that she may grow out of it so they are reluctant to do anything about it but I'm concerned as I'm a teaching assistant in another school and I don't want her to be left struggling. Out of school she doesn't see dangers like other children, she doesn't cope with change and finds it very hard to control herself. Please can you offer me some advice as I don't know which way to turn.

iza

Hi children are active and all over the place. Some are more used to school environment some have more adventure nature. Those second type is hard to keep on the carpet for entire day and expect to be nice, calm and quiet. They just want to discover more and share they thoughts and experience with mates.  
It is just the nature of a child to be curious. One approach talk to your daughter, second talk to teacher to introduce more influential, engaging topics which will work on child creativity and imagination. If the teacher is phlegmatic, bored with job and do not have passion for kids I am not surprise I would be all over the place myself to check where are more interesting things to do. 

gemb

Thank you for your comment iza. I just feel that the teachers are just branding her as a difficult child. They have talked of her needing support with transition as she doesn't cope with change but this last week a new teacher has gone into her class and nothing was put in place before hand. I got called into school at the end of the day and in front of my child the teacher was shouting 'your child has pushed me to my limits today'. I told her about my concerns briefly and she said she was aware of some of them but I just don't know where we're supposed to go from here. I am getting so frustrated and upset and I'm really concerned for my daughter.

Sam_Alumni

Hi @gemb and welcome to the community, I have moved your post to the Ask an Educational Psychologist to see if they have any ideas.

@EducationalPsychologist what do you think?

In my opinion, it seems unfair to call you in to school 15 times a month but also "feel that she may grow out of it so they are reluctant to do anything about it" - can you ask to sit down with school and hash out an action plan to put in place?

For a new teacher to be shouting in front of her that she is pushed to her limits is not going to be helpful for your little girl.  

Does your school have a SENCO you can talk to about challenging behaviour? 

Sam_Alumni

@will22 Do you have any thoughts on this? 

@gemb Will is our new behaviour specialist and may be able to offer some ideas.

Les

Hi @gemb May I suggest that you ask for a referral to see if your daughter is on the Autistic Spectrum.

My daughter had similar issues and after many years of fighting to get her diagnosed, she was ADHD (Attention Deficit & Hyperactivity Disorder)

My other daughter, who is now 21, was diagnosed with Autism with learning difficulties. She was diagnosed when she was 3.


Have a read on these links. I hope it may be of some help for you.

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder/Pages/Symptoms.aspx

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Autistic-spectrum-disorder/Pages/Introduction.aspx

gemb

Thank you for your helpful comments. I have contacted the school today and I'm havin a meeting with them tomorrow. I feel I have gone down this path many times though so I'm not hopeful they will suggest anything new. For some reason they seem reluctant in trying to get to the bottom of whatever it is that's causing her to be like this. When I spoke to the teacher today she just said because there's been change it looks like we are going to be going through an unsettled period with her. I just need to know why my child isn't coping.

mossycow

Gosh, as a teacher my gut reaction is that your daughter's school is not doing a great job!!!   What do you want?  Maybe write down what you want for your daughter and take that with you.

Do you want her to have assessments for issues for which she can have support?

Do you want more pro active help from school such as them investigating any triggers (new stuff) then talking to you and her about them before they happen.

What is she like out of that school 'sitting and listening' environment?

You are doing an amazing job by the way., Good for you for getting support and keeping on at improving stuff at school.

Les

May I suggest that you get in touch with your local parent support group, and ask them, if they can go into these meetings with you. They are very helpful, and make the school sit up, and realise you mean business.

From my many years experience, going in on your own, is not the best way to do it.

gemb

I attended a meeting at the school yesterday and I wrote down my concerns for my daughter both inside school and out as my daughter shows impulsive behaviour she doesn't seem to see dangers and just goes at everything at full speed. Her behaviour has stood out to me for a long time now so I'm feeling like I need answers we just can't go on like this. The teacher seemed helpful on this occasion and said that she felt that her classroom behaviour is disruptive so she agreed that something needs to be done. The teacher has put in a cause for concern with the senco but I'm not sure where this will take us. I'm going back in for another meeting next week so hopefully I'll get to find out more then. Thank you for your advice everyone and it was refreshing to hear mossycow say that I'm doing the right thing as it does make you feel a bit of a failure that I can't control my own child.

Les

I hope they decide to support you and your daughter, @gemb . Good luck next week, and do feed back how it went. I am sure we will all have our fingers crossed for you.

EducationalPsychologist

Hello gem,
How are things going for your daughter. There are so many reasons why children show disruptive behaviours in school... add, sensory processing, cognitively gifted, etc. An assessment from an educational psychologist can help identify any issues. Understanding why children behave in a certain way is vitally important to ensure the right teaching approaches and intervention are put in place. Your comments suggest that there is also a whole school issue with regards to quality of teaching and approach to SEN/behaviour. Get a copy of the school SEN, Behaviour and Complaints policies. Does the teacher's approach/attitude match what is written in the policies? If you don't make progress with the teacher make an appointment with the SENDCo directly. You can also contact your local EP service yourself to discuss the situation and ask advice - ask to speak with the school's link EP. If you feel that your daughter's needs are not being met then follow the school complaints policy step by step, always in writing, and contact the headteacher and governors if you need to.
Best of luck.