Depression

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JennysDad

Hi @tobyrosco21, @Victoriad and @thespiceman

My good lady has cabin fever today, so I'm taking her out for the afternoon. I look forward to catching up with everybody later.
Warmest best wishes,
Richard

tobyrosco21

Have fun

thespiceman

Hello @tobyrosco21 I hope you enjoy your film what ever you are seeing.

I hope you are OK Weekends if feeling what to talk, only if you wish to.  Always here, talking will help.  I am sure that going out will help as well.

Take care 

thespiceman

Hello @Victoriad Thank you for reply.  Thank you information available on what is I think is an interesting little project having a wildlife garden.  Could be needed to benefit my mental state.

I live on top of a hill with lovely views into a valley.  Bungalow plot was built on the site of a old coke works.  All the villages have mining history.

My back garden laid a lawn with help from a friend, unfortunately has left my life.  This happens his suggestion paid him a sum of cash too much I think.  About 10 years ago.  Got the cash and ran.

Then the curious thing when I moved in got all these lads from the village, wanting to help me but charge excessive fees for every job.  I had trust issues last times in property so I did not succumb but pressure was there.

Then I met a lad next garden who was doing neighbours plot.  So I asked and the rest is history.  Great guy helps to cut lawn and swap advice, tips ideas.  Yes it is money not a lot but I most importantly of all trust him.

I have just written a piece on Mate Crime because that is an issue for all of us in the community.  Who to trust, befriend work men or trades people.

I notice from your posts you have Italian Heritage.  I forgot to ask must be amazing to have that history.  I see the family came from Lombardy.  Is that the North.  Milan is the main city or have I got that wrong.  Not too good on geography.  Signs of not memory failing.

I suppose you must have had some great times plus the recipes you must have some really good ones that you can do.

I have just found out a new simple recipe for Ragu with Beef goes with Gnocci or the long thick pasta.  Parpardelle or others like that.

I was watching Theo Randall on Saturday Kitchen, some thing I can do in slow cooker.

I will give to you if you do not mind.some thing you can freeze in Zip bags

RAGU

PACK OF BEEF I USED SHIN/ STEWING ANY CHEAP CUT
1 LARGE ONION DICED SLICED 2 LARGE CARROTS DICED SLICED
3 STICKS CELERY DICED SLICED
CARTON PASSATA OR JAR
TOM PUREE GOOD SQUIRT
ROSEMARY 

PLEASE NOTE HE USED WINE WITH THE SAUCE RED ONE I DO NOT DRINK
I HAVE NOT USED TOUCH RED WINE VINEGAR AND SQUIRT OF TOMATO KETCHUP MY TWEAK SEEMS TO BALANCE THE DISH


1.  FRY BEEF OIL  SEAR COLOUR SEASON   
2.  ADD VEGETABLES DICED IN FOOD PROCESSOR COLUR SWEAT A LITTLE SEASON
3..ADD PASSATA TOM PUREE TOMKETCHUP RED WINE VINEGAR TOUCH

4..ADD ROSEMARY NOW TRANSFER TO SLOW COOKER

5. LONG COOK 6HRS PLUS ON MEDIUM OR HIGH 4HRS ADJUST TIMING

6.WHEN TURNED OFF COOL DOWN THEN SLIGHTLY MASH DOWN WITH A LADLE TO MAKE IT MINCED BUT NOT TOO FINE.

7.  PORTION UP LABEL ZIP BAGS TAKE A PORTION OUT WHEN DEFROSTING  ADD TO A PAN TO WARM THROUGH

8. ADD TO LONG PASTA OR GNOCCI

9. TOP WITH PARM CHEESE
.

I hope this helps any aspects of depression.  Warm and comforting.

Take care 

thespiceman

Hello @RichardVR Thank you for reply.  Great to hear from you, just hope you have a great day.

Enjoy yourself Take care.

JennysDad

Hi @tobyrosco21, @thespiceman and @Victoriad

The best laid plans of mice and men... We did get out yesterday, but had to postpone our London trip until Monday because Southern Rail have closed the lines between us and London for Saturday and Sunday for repairs and maintenance.
So we didn't get to see a movie, but we got to discover a new small park in our locality where, according to Facebook, there was a charitable sale of arts and crafts going on. Frankly, it wasn't up to much, ten or so people scattered around small tables, mostly selling plants, and none of them offering a 'hello' or so much as a smile. We did not stay long.
What we did get was wet, cold, and tired - it involved rather a lot of walking for me, but eventually got back home and settled down to my inevitable standby, a recording of an episode of 'Columbo'.
So how did your days go?
Did you get to see '50 Shades Freed', Toby? And, if so, what did you think to it? The critics seem to hate it. And how did the dinner go?
Very glad you liked the photo, Victoriad. I'm attaching a shot of the Harris's Hawk. Not a very good photograph technically, but I was pushing my little camera to the limits when I took it and still had to sharpen it in editing. 
Your recipe sounds interesting, Spiceman, though I don't possess a slow cooker . I will check out some of your other recipes when I can and am determined, anyway, to eat a lot more Italian and Greek stuff.
So how is everybody?
With Affection, 
Richard

JennysDad

Hello again, @thespiceman

Responding to your last post - mentioned the Ragu in my previous
Where you live sounds pretty idyllic, but I'm sorry to hear your trust has been abused. I will try to look up your post on mate crime. So sad that there are users and abusers everywhere.

Warmest best wishes to you,
Richard

tobyrosco21

Film was really good best one of the three.  Meal not so good will try a different place next time.

JennysDad

Hi, @tobyrosco21
and glad to hear you enjoyed the film. Did you say before that it had something to do with mental health issues? I only know the obvious stuff about it. I'm sorry, though, if the meal was a let down.
I would be glad to know how you're feeling today. Believe it or not, I worry about you
Take care now,
Richard

thespiceman

Hello @RichardVR   Thank you for reply.  Sorry your day did not run smoothly.

I am just one of those people who really find Sundays tiring, get down a lot.

I am at presently trying find my feet to day, been so fast the time.

I am glad you are speaking to Toby great you are helping him,  I am also concerned for his welfare.

This is the worst time for me, my bad day.  My problem is I get stressed as you have seen on many occasions, in my thoughts.

I have done a few recipes yes it is a good idea to have a slow cooker but you can still do most of my recipes in the oven, adjust timings.  Put in Oven slow say 150 degrees some thing like that temperature.

I have to devise, create recipes, ideas to help me.  I have no oven you see so adapted for slow cooker.

As I have suggested willing to ask what can I help you with.?  As you done a lot for me, listening, kind comments.  Can do requests how do you do that recipe.  Got asked for short cut easy Chinese given that person a recipe.  If you wish to ?

Understand your time can be limited grateful for support.

Take care

thespiceman

Hello @tobyrosco21 How are you ?  Hope you OK today, just a line glad to see you liked the film was good.

Hope to speak to you soon am here if you wish to talk will listen

Take care

JennysDad

Hi, @thespiceman, and it is good - always - to hear from you.
Yes; as a rule Sundays are a pretty awful day. I'm taken back to those rainy Sundays at my gran's, watching the rain hit the window and drizzle down, knowing better than to ask if I could go out and play. Though that particular granny is responsible for some of the few warm memories of my childhood.
Your offer is very kind and there is no-one I would rather turn to. Trouble is that we have a kitchen the size of a walk in cupboard and a life that makes it difficult to plan cooking ahead. And the truth is that you already give me a great deal, simply by honouring me with your friendship. I could not mean that more.
I like you, you see.
I have had my struggles and, post retirement, not having a clue where or how my wife and I will live, I will certainly have more of them. But just now I'm okay. I get angry and depressed by the System and what it is doing to so many vulnerable people in our society, but then I come on here and I meet up with so much courage, so much determination, so much friendship and care, and it makes it bearable somehow.
I'm indebted to you Spiceman, and honoured to call you 'friend'
Richard

tobyrosco21

I' m fine thanks

thespiceman

Hello @RichardVR Thank you for kind words and support.  What makes this forum is the people.  This good not only for you but myself that we can discuss sensible, practical ideas solutions to being the way we are.

I am sorry by way not replied to you earlier, started this morning answering a few people as you do.  Then some thing took me over, I do not know it has happened before.  You get some thing like a nagging doubt or a part of your life in your head.

Could not shake it ended up on here writing, writing and writing some stories in my head can not ever forget.  Suddenly I finding all I had written gone, the system went white screen then I was on the sofa writing all out to get rid of it in my head.  This what happens when you have depression.  Probably you are the same, are you?  May I ask?  I know I have met others who get this mad rush of tiredness and can not move.  I get lots of that plus other stuff that does not help.  Lot of pain today chest and arms, anxiety playing up as well.

I get these reminders, triggers of past events that it is like a drama in my head.  I have had therapy unfortunately it is the same in all fields in mental health.  Doctor I saw OK you have a problem, then 2 days later rang me, ironically the mobile was on and I had to use my ear phones, but I was speaking to this Doctor in front of my support worker.  Who said to me can not help you, I replied you said you can, and cut me off.

Not happy at all because here I am trying to help myself much as I can, support workers can only do so much.  Any way took about couple months to get to the bottom of this and in the end they the service refused me help.

Thank you to another charity who helped me as long I do not get stressed and start waffling a bit.

Loneliness does that as well plus this is not a full explanation of my worries and fears.  I know I write a lot, I know I do witter, twitter, have obscure thoughts, feeling that never seem to dwindle.

A lot my Sundays just sitting TV off can not watch anything, used to watch religious programmes that changed because they seem not to be answering the obvious questions that need replies.  I have my bible must read to night a passage or two or three eases my mind, bible is often more comfort to me than a lot of the time I have.  Spent a lot of time have thoughts and thinking.

Favourite story in the bible of Paul the Roman Centurion who became a follower of Christ.  How he fought to spread the gospel of Christ and had to fight back.

Keep getting reminders from my past today, not helping either.  A lot of water has gone under the bridge , but I still rant, rave about all the hurt, pain, misery that I have experienced.  That is not helping I turn to others see their pain, misery and start to think yes my brother or sister.  I am with you understand everything, how can I help, soothe your worries.  I can put you first not me, am here to listen, guide you if need be.

That is how I have always been.  When you are ill see others suffer just for once I say I am aware of my own failings am here to support.  I wish every body out in the bad old world was like you and me plus the members of our community that care, share our problems, difficulties.

My concern is for you my friend right now, because I can feel the pain, misery constant striving to help yourself and the pressure you are under.

I have been there so lonely when you are trying to fight your corner.  Trying to get a settled period of your life is never easy.  All you wish for a roof over your head yet there are obstacles in the way.

I had this myself had to find, struggle, strive to find a suitable place to live.  You really think a part of the country I live in the North East loads f vacant property unfortunately, unsuitable, need a lot doing, unhabitable.  Taken me 5 moves in twenty years to find a suitable home.

Even this one has faults, I hope and pray for you.  Thank you for being a friend, thank you listening I hope you and you wife get some thing take care

thespiceman

Hello @tobyrosco21 How are you?  Just replying to Richard.  How is your Sunday been today, I hope you are feeling better.

Take care

tobyrosco21

Im fine thanks

JennysDad

Hi Spiceman @thespiceman
Your message is very kind and much appreciated. I really am fine, though, and better here, perhaps, than anywhere. I do worry, of course, from time to time, and I do suffer what are now quite brief depressions, even if they are sometimes quite powerful.

The biggest thing to happen in my life was the loss of my daughter and that, I think, taught me some very important things. I often didn't even know, throughout the 27 years since her death, quite how much I had learned.

Top of the list, I guess, was the realization that bad things happen to good people. I'd been raised in the belief that bad things happened to bad people as divine punishment and that good people led happy lives. Simple observation demonstrates that this is not true. I believe with all my heart that you are a good person, therefore, case proved You have not lived the life you have deserved.
Second on the list, and closely related, is that what happens is mostly mere chance, that nature is indifferent to the point of cruelty about what happens to all living things and that whilst it is wise to try to plan for the future, those plans are never guaranteed success. S**t happens, so - by and large - I just let it and get on with life.

Third, perhaps, is that I seem to have become totally unafraid of death. Though I am not a believer as you are, I do know that if the Christian God is real, Hell is a place in imagination only and cannot exist. The closest we come to Hell, I believe, is in life itself, and for the Biblical Hell to be a reality the Christian God would have to be less forgiving than I - a mere mortal - am myself. So the only other possibility is that of non-existence, of permanent, dreamless sleep. I see no reason to fear that.

That is that part

I am truly sorry to hear that you're having a tough time right now, and I'm here if there is any way I can help. I am not, of course, surprised, that those you have turned to for support have let you down. 'Care' has become 'professionalised'. It is more important to the professional carer to have a particular degree, particular training and an income that relates to their qualifications. And holding a professional position has consequences. The paid professional has to become concerned with protecting their livelihood, has to become afraid of making mistakes to the extent that they micro-manage themselves or are micro-managed by others. Theirs is the world of caseloads and appointments.

Just before my wife left me (oh blessed day!), and therefore not long after my daughter died, I began having serious anxiety attacks and bouts of depression. That was the last time I sought professional care. What I remember most was being told at the very start that it was a limited time programme - six weeks, I think - of an hour a week.

You and I know, from any and all kinds of tasks we have embarked on, that a job is done when it is done, not when it is six, or twelve, or twenty-four minutes, hours, days or weeks since it started. Doctors don't take somebody into hospital with severe but as yet undiagnosed complaints and say, right we've got six weeks to fix this and if, at the end of six weeks, the patient isn't cured, we'll just kick them out.

And I remember session after session where, perhaps three-quarters of the way through, I realized that something was building inside me, that if I allowed myself to look closely at it it would break me up, and that if it broke me up I would be a blubbering wreck before the session - and its purpose - were over. So I closed up when I should have had the opportunity to open up, because I had - and the 'carer' had - one eye on the clock.

Useless.

That's the big advantage here, in supporting friends as a friend. I'm a volunteer, no job to protect by making sure I say only the prescribed, official thing. I can care in the way that caring ought to be, and I can be cared for in the same rather special way.

We don't even have to know each other's proper names or keep records of our contact. We don't have to worry about falling foul of Data Protection Laws because we don't possess any personal data, and we don't have to worry about being fired or transferred as a face-saving exercise to protect some organisation we work for. We don't have to run the risk of admitting something, during some emotional venting, that we will afterwards regret.

My anger and depression, and it is mostly anger these days, is directed straight at the kind of people who DO the hurting to those I care about, whether they're officials of the DWP, organisations like Capita, members of the government or abusive parents.

So we'll go on together, you and me, Spiceman and RichardVR, being friends with each other, supporting each other, caring about each other, and that is how it should be.

I've written a piece here as long as one of your own and must give you a break. Much more to say, I'm sure, but we will have time to say it.

May your God bless you, my friend.
Warmest best wishes to you,
Richard

JennysDad

hi @tobyrosco21

Good to hear that you are 'fine' my friend. I'm still here, still listening, still eager to hear if there is anything I can say or do that will help you.
Take very good care of yourself. You matter.
Richard.

JennysDad

hi @Victoriad

You seem to have gone quiet. Are you okay? Still up-beat?
Here for you,
Richard