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I had to get a friend sectioned last night

WaylayWaylay Member Posts: 922 Pioneering
He's been a bit weird of late, but last night called me at 2AM, completely delusional. Never heard him like that (best friend, known him 11 years), so jumped in taxi. When I got to his, he introduced me to a spider in his kitchen, who is actually a transcendental mathematician hiding from assassins. He kept saying that he might need to die in order to keep the world going, and I was really worried. I called 999. 

2 paramedics showed up, but even though he's not at all aggressive, they called for backup (he is a big guy). 4 paramedics, 4 cops. They were all really great, though: respectful, understanding, knew how to talk to him, etc. I was really impressed. We got him into the ambulance at 5:30AM, and I stayed with him at the hospital until 1PM. Made sure each assessor knew what had been going on for the past few days. He was assessed by a psychiatrist for 90 minutes, who then talked to me, and we convinced him to go into the psychiatric hospital. The psychiatrist told me that they'll hold him if he tries to leave, though, because he's a danger to himself. I'm now officially his temporary next of kin, as his family live half a world away, so I had to make that decision. I feel horrible tricking him like that, but on the other hand, he's clearly extremely unwell. Psychiatrist says he's had a psychotic break. :/ 

Did I do right? I hope so. He's my best friend, and I love him to bits. It was horrible to see him like that - him, but not quite. I had to keep "going to the loo" because I didn't want to worry him by crying in front of him. I just kept up a steady stream of happy chitchat to distract him.

I'm completely fragged. Had to come home to get more tramadol, as hospitals aren't exactly comfy, and my back was screaming at me (I took all the meds I had with me). Had to take diazepam to deal with the spasm, which means I'll be passed out for at least 6 hours. I feel bad leaving him for so long, but if I'm going to be any help when I go back, I've got to control this spasm. 

I hate that my pain is keeping me from being there for him!

Replies

  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Waylay Pleased to meet you.  Anybody who has a friend like you.  Would be proud to call you a friend.

    I have done a similar thing you have done.  No one what's to rat out a friend or drop them in it.  I sure that your friend would say you have done the right thing.  I used to get terrible guilty feelings. I felt I was being a shoulder to lean on yet being aware of their mental health needs.

    I had a friend like your friend.  At the time my concern was for his welfare.  Is he eating, is he keeping his meds up.  Taking them.  Often went into really bad depression and other symptoms.  We came to an agreement.  Used to say to me.  Makes too much of a fuss, do not want this.

    Then a nurse told him.  Your friend is ill himself has mental health issues with his addiction.  He's told me.

    I have a addiction history with mental health so if I have this some days urge to drink..  The cravings never go away  I have a friend up the road who works in the addiction clinic in town where I live.

    Problems issues talk to him.  We may not communicate  for weeks.  If I have a itch or severe craving .  Ring him.

    I can understand you being upset.  It is natural that you have a great respect for each other.  The belief us men do not get emotional and have feelings all wrong.

    First time I cried is when I had to go into Rehab over my addiction.  In front of a friend who had to go over my head to sign me in.  As I could not do it.

    Please I am here if you wish to talk.  Here to listen.

    Take care
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  • WaylayWaylay Member Posts: 922 Pioneering
    Hi there,

    Thank you so much! I've been feeling so guilty, but I was really worried he was going to hurt himself. I hope he understands when he's well again. I think he probably will. 

    He's been there for me several times when my depression has gotten so bad that I've stopped eating. We've helped each other out over and over, since we both have MH problems, and understand what it's like. He has even gotten me into the shower several times, when I hadn't showered for weeks, and was completely respectful and never mentioned it again (I'm female, and he's straight). 

    It was also just so sad to see him like that. He's so intelligent, interested, and capable; to see him so out of it was such a shock. I've seen him severely depressed before, and so sick with flu that he was delirious, but this was... People usually recover from a first psychotic episode, right? I'm so worried for him.
  • WaylayWaylay Member Posts: 922 Pioneering
    And yes, I know many men who get emotional and have feelings! Men are human! Humans have emotions! Suppressing them because society says that men should be "strong" is so damaging.

    I'm a woman, but very male in many ways: hard scientist, did a lot of fieldwork (heavy manual labour), very logical, etc. My Dad brought me up to think that emotions were a weakness that people would use to hurt me (he's a narcissistic sociopath). 

    I've been through a lot of therapy, and have come to realise that being able to be vulnerable around other people, to trust them with what you're feeling, is a strength, not a weakness. You can't have a true relationship or friendship if they don't know who you really are, and if you don't trust them enough to show them those awkward, scary, squidgy emotional bits of yourself. You do get hurt sometimes, but I've been a far happier person since I learned to start letting people in. I used to worry that they wouldn't actually like me if they knew what I was really like inside. Now I know that they love me for who I really am, and vice versa. 

    Sorry, diazepam kicking in. That was a tangent!
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Waylay Thank you for reply.  I do understand I have had loads of female friends.  I am straight myself.  Just ladies I knew just were friends.  

    That happens does it not.  You meet some one and you like them as a friend not a boyfriend  I am one of those guys, so do not worry.  I am much appreciated thank you for sharing.

    My concern right now is for you.  I hope and pray that you're friend will get better.  He is special to you I know.  Just right now you are important too.

    Remember that.  I do care about our community members.

    It is right that that feel and care about each other.  That is a special feeling and bond.  I had similar.  People do not understand do they.  I had this so many times. 

    I do not know the questions you are asking.  The most important special thing you can do is the support, time, energy you can give.

    That is what I really try to do all the time.

    I assume some one will speak to you about your friend.  Hopefully. Please can I ask what support are you receiving?

    Tell some one who is supporting you.  You need someone to listen to.  Remember you can get stressed and anxious yourself.  I know this.

    Please come back I am here to listen, offload any time.

    Take care

    Your friend
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  • WaylayWaylay Member Posts: 922 Pioneering
    Thank you so much @thespiceman. You're right. I rarely think of myself in these situations, but I have to, or I won't be able to support him. Thanks for the reminder. I have a fantastic therapist, and my partner is extremely supportive. He knows and really likes my friend, and called me when I texted him. He also has both physical and mental disabilities (spoonies unite!), and has been sending me little encouraging texts, and kisses, all day. I'm very lucky. 

    But yes, you're very right. I wish I could have stayed with my friend, bit I have MH problems, chronic pain, and fibromyalgia, so taking myself home for some rest and treatment was the best thing for both me and my friend. I think I'm going to write that on a post-it note and stick it to my wall, as a reminder. 

    Very much appreciated. Will keep you updated!
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Waylay Thank you for kind words and comments.

    Please take care.  That is good you have excellent support.  Please just when your ready.  Come back.  I will be around. To listen, usually most days.

    Mornings noon night time really.  Give some time to reply.  I will be looking for you.

    So what is important right now is you.  The support you need.

    Try and relax music calming effect for me.  Good food and warm comforts.  To beat stress.  Warm Bath with  Lavender oil or one of those herb based bath foams works for me.

    That is why they call me the Spiceman.  Knowledge of Herbs as well.

    Helps got Classic FM on .  Please try not to worry, but I know you will.  I would if he was my friend.

    Take care

    Your friend

    Please if you wish to just chat or anything else we as a community are here to listen.


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  • WaylayWaylay Member Posts: 922 Pioneering
    An update: Unfortunately I've been down with a massive back spasm this week, and haven't been able to go and see him (having difficulty getting to the loo, never mind the hospital)! I managed to get through a couple of texts, but when he answers he doesn't actually respond to my questions. :/ Phoned the ward and they got him on the phone, but all he said was, "They're listening. Too dangerous." and hung up. :/
    Luckily my spasm is releasing, so I'm going to try to get there tomorrow.
  • maid08maid08 Member Posts: 307 Member
    be very proud you were there to help him  you are a freind we all need at some point in our life

  • WaylayWaylay Member Posts: 922 Pioneering
    @maid08 Thanks. :) I just hope that he feels that way...
  • CockneyRebelCockneyRebel Member Posts: 5,257 Disability Gamechanger
    I wish I had a friend like you

    CR
    Be all you can be, make  every day count. Namaste
  • WaylayWaylay Member Posts: 922 Pioneering
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,756 Listener
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  • WaylayWaylay Member Posts: 922 Pioneering
    Thank you @Victoriad . I really appreciate all the support I'm receiving here! And yes, you're right - I'm his named person.

    I can't imagine anyone turning away from a person who is so ill. Even if they're dangerous to others (which is very rare), one could call 999 from a safe distance. :/
  • WaylayWaylay Member Posts: 922 Pioneering
    By the way @thespiceman I'm very impressed with your fight to remain sober. It's a difficult thing to do. Good luck going forward.
  • janejrjanejr Member Posts: 141 Pioneering
    Hi @Waylay you are a true friend and stayed to support your friend when alot would have ran. You did what was best for him as he is unwell and stayed with him for as long as you could. It is very distressing to see someone so Ill especially if they are close to you. You must feel drained but well done to you as your friend is a little lost just now and you guided them to safety and made sure no harm came to them. We could all do with a caring loyal friend like you. 
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Waylay Good morning Thank you for comments.  This about you at this moment.  I can imagine you are stressed and exhausted hope you can need to take care of yourself for a while.

    You friend you have done enough.

    He is in a good place.

    I am here so is the community .  Talk us to me any time.

    I have the greatest respect what you have done.

    Keep in touch with your friend, keep in touch with us.

    Keep safe and warm

    Your friend
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  • charlenecharlene Member Posts: 555 Pioneering
    I had a part in my daughter being sectioned twice.  You did exactly the right thing, you are a true friend.  Make sure you look after your own mental health, having to cope with a friend you may not even recognise at times,, can seriously damage your own mind!
    When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
  • WaylayWaylay Member Posts: 922 Pioneering
    Thanks @janejr! I'm feeling much better about it now. But yes, I was so exhausted when I got home.... Slept for almost 20 hours. It was very hard to see him like that. 
  • WaylayWaylay Member Posts: 922 Pioneering
    Thank you again, @thespiceman, and thank you @charlene. I suspect that there will be more tiring stuff to come. I need to remember to care for myself as well. Have asked my partner's to poke me about it every so often.
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Waylay Thank you for kind words what is important now is you.

    Please may I say small steps for both of you, plus your partner.  He's special too, remember that.

    Your partner the rock to talk to.  For comfort.

    In mental health terms this called a recovery.  I should know I am still going through mine.  

    As all of us with mental health issues.  Whatever the situation and problems.

    Please feel free to talk to any body here.  Advisors speak to SCOPE or any body in the community.

    We are all here.

    I am here to listen, not make judgements, be critical.

    There will be times ahead that seem tough and hard to understand.  Try to be positive.  Try to keep smiling be a ray of hope.

    Take care Keep in touch

    Your friend
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  • WaylayWaylay Member Posts: 922 Pioneering
    @thespiceman Thank you so much. :) Will do, and will keep posting updates, if people are interested.

    Unfortunately my own recovery keeps getting set back by constant reassessments, leading to Tribunals every year, and living on nothing, which puts me into a lot of debt. If they'd just leave me alone for a few years, I think I'd get much better!

    Cheers, and good luck to you!
  • sue66sue66 Member Posts: 124 Pioneering
    Just been reading all this Waylay, just want to add i totally agree with every ones views hear, you are indeed a very good friend and also you have your own health problems as well.You did all you could and the right thing. 
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Waylay Thank you I am always interested if others are not.

    Please can I say if wish to talk to me privately.  I have just discovered messaging service.

    See my user name click on that you will see a big white box.  Like the words I am writing into right now.

    Type what ever you wish, I use this for all my lovely friends.  I hope you will become one if you wish.

    Says comment press that will come to me.

    The other one is the message service  This is an inbox on your username below that is a box with discussions on that.  You will see.  Again white boxes like this.  Top one put my name in  Add message and it will come to me.  Right hand side new messages in red boxes and list of recipients.

    When you send me a message comes into my Inbox.

    I hope that is useful.  It takes a little getting use to, but I know you will cope.

    Please I am sorry about you situation you seem in similar position to me.

    My story I get reassessed every 18months to 2years continuous for about 20years plus longer.  I get he's fit to work another year plus he's unfit., also keeps going around like that.  After appeals and tribunals.  Some times no money for a month.  Messing up benefits plus housing benefit, council tax.

    Last time guy who I spoke to said see you in a years time to rearrange everything back again.  So I could not believe it.

    Which means when I am fit meant signing on for the umpteenth time lost track how many times.  Losing it last time to the extent support worker.  Mental health charity stepped in and stopped this nonsense.

    Sent letter to DWP why are you still keep reassessing this man.  He not going to work , never get employment.

    By way I am 53 and still I believe go on.  So please talk to me if you wish.  We can support each other.  That is what I can help and advise, be a friend about anything you wish.

    I also am up to date on what is happening benefits websites .  Plus daily chit chat

    I do a lot of this for others and we all support each other.  Helps the day goes well.

    Take care

    Offering the hand of friendship

    The Spiceman
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  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Waylay I am sorry about this.  The information regarding INBOXES to send me a message.  I apologise I have given mis- information.

    Where it says your username click on INBOX.  You will see a white box as top type in my name and put message in other box.  It will come to me.  Just sorry about that, still getting hang of all these services.

    Thought It might be useful to talk if it helps.

    Take care
    Community Champion
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