Mental health issues
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Facebook and internet chat sites a good thing or a bad thing

Clarecook1973Clarecook1973 Member Posts: 19 Connected
I don't know if I've posted in the right section but how do people  feel about social media sites ie Facebook as a impact on our depression and anxieties? 
The reason i have asked this question is because a while ago my so called in laws and so called friends all got into a big argument about a family member getting the help they needed and they turned on me it made me doubt everything about the person that I am and the things I say and made my depression spiral out of control to the point now I don't trust anyone because of how things was twisted that I had said the funny thing was it was all over a Sunday dinner that my father in law said he would like but doesn't get much and the carers for him which are my brother in law with his wife said sarcastic remarks yet I tried to calm everyone down saying it's just a Sunday dinner and as I said they turned on me it really knocked my confidence and made me so depressed people could be so horrible to me I come of Facebook and my paranoia was horrendous. 
I am now back on face book as I like to see my families photos of there babies and nice things they get up to but although I have come to terms with i can't please everyone I try to be honest and true in all situations and if people don't like me that's there right as is mine to not listen to horrible things they say I think it hit me harder because I had just had a cancer scare and they new this yet they didn't care I may have had cancer they carried on regardless. 
Hope i havnt bored any one just thought I would ask for people's opinions on social media and maybe strategies to handle this kind of situation when it happens again as it will because my sister in law twist what I say and what I text to make me look like a bad person which is why I keep every text now as proof Clare x

Replies

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,756 Listener
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  • susan48susan48 Member Posts: 2,229 Disability Gamechanger
    I have came off Facebook and never been back on.
    it makes my depression and anxiety worse so why would I stay on it!,
    It took a while to figure it out but haven’t regretted it one bit.
    If someone what to share things with me they know how to contact me..

    Put yourself first, it’s hard sometimes but you have too
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,756 Listener
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,756 Listener
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  • susan48susan48 Member Posts: 2,229 Disability Gamechanger
    Exactly or how fabulous their lives are!,,, blah blah.

    if it was that fabulous why feel the need to tell everyone  :|
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,756 Listener
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,756 Listener
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  • susan48susan48 Member Posts: 2,229 Disability Gamechanger
    Sorry for ranting but it upsets me.

    People live their lives in social media, looking for praise or attention.

    id rather stick pins in my eyes
  • crippscripps Member Posts: 412 Pioneering
    I myself have never been a member of Facebook and never will be, Facebook has coarsed  so many problems for so many people it should have been shut down a long time ago, i would love to see a campaign to have it closed. Please if you have any see respect ✊ stay away. NC
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,756 Listener
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  • crippscripps Member Posts: 412 Pioneering
    Never apologise for speaking the truth, you know what they say the truth always hurts, are you listening Facebook!!!!
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,756 Listener
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  • crippscripps Member Posts: 412 Pioneering
    I your right it’s just a subject that gets up my nose, end of!
  • Clarecook1973Clarecook1973 Member Posts: 19 Connected
    edited April 2018
    I don't know if I've posted in the right section but how do people  feel about social media sites ie Facebook as a impact on our depression and anxieties? 
    The reason i have asked this question is because a while ago my so called in laws and so called friends all got into a big argument about a family member getting the help they needed and they turned on me it made me doubt everything about the person that I am and the things I say and made my depression spiral out of control to the point now I don't trust anyone because of how things was twisted that I had said the funny thing was it was all over a Sunday dinner that my father in law said he would like but doesn't get much and the carers for him which are my brother in law with his wife said sarcastic remarks yet I tried to calm everyone down saying it's just a Sunday dinner and as I said they turned on me it really knocked my confidence and made me so depressed people could be so horrible to me I come of Facebook and my paranoia was horrendous. 
    I am now back on face book as I like to see my families photos of there babies and nice things they get up to but although I have come to terms with i can't please everyone I try to be honest and true in all situations and if people don't like me that's there right as is mine to not listen to horrible things they say I think it hit me harder because I had just had a cancer scare and they new this yet they didn't care I may have had cancer they carried on regardless. 
    Hope i havnt bored any one just thought I would ask for people's opinions on social media and maybe strategies to handle this kind of situation when it happens again as it will because my sister in law twist what I say and what I text to make me look like a bad person which is why I keep every text now as proof Clare x
  • CockneyRebelCockneyRebel Member Posts: 5,257 Disability Gamechanger
    I cannot comment on FB, Twitter or any other "social" media as I have never tried them and never will. This is the closest I come to socialmedis

    CR
    Be all you can be, make  every day count. Namaste
  • GeoarkGeoark Member, Scope Volunteer Posts: 1,373 Disability Gamechanger
    Social media has always been a mixed bag with positives and negatives, not forgetting that forums are also a form of social media.

    Well run forums like this one can usually moderate discussions to ensure that they do not go too far, even so it is still possible for people to be nasty, negative and disrespectful towards individuals. 

    Either way though, as others have said here, why invite anything into  your life which causes more problems for you than the benefits you get from them?

    As an individual I stood alone.
    As a member of a group I did things.
    As part of a community I helped to create change!

  • Sam_AlumniSam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,731 Disability Gamechanger
    Oh dear, families can be tough to deal with on or offline!

    Social media has opened up the world to so many people and given people chance to connect with others, but it always has it's downsides too.
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • Clarecook1973Clarecook1973 Member Posts: 19 Connected
    Hi everyone thanks for giving me your feed back and comments on what u think bout social media n face book it's defiantly made me think more about letting things people say getting to me and made me think more about being happy with my self n not trying to please everyone else 
  • laurahc__laurahc__ Member Posts: 35 Courageous
    I think it depends on how social media platforms are used. I very rarely post on Facebook but regularly use instagram and find the chronic illness community on there so helpful. I met my best friend through IG and I find the support and advice beneficial: people "get it" on a level that in real life people don't.

    That said, I think that social media can be really toxic. I was on a course last year and part of that meant that I had to do my own research project and i looked at social media usage in young adults and the use of recovery or health accounts. 75% of people asked had encountered problems on IG in particular, including bullying, trolling, over competitiveness, pressure or people accusing them of faking illness. Some of the stuff that is posted is shocking. 
    confessionsofazebra.blog 
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,756 Listener
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  • laurahc__laurahc__ Member Posts: 35 Courageous
    Victoriad said:
    And that’s why I avoid it like the plague ......why invite all that unnecessary intrusion and stress into your life?

    I just don’t get it.



    This is why I don't use Facebook as much now. I also don't follow people that I don't want to follow, hence reducing the negativity. But I am so so glad that social media wasn't really around when I was a teenager! I could have a **** day at school but it would be over by 3.10 and I was free of it. Now there's no escape.
    confessionsofazebra.blog 
  • mikehughescqmikehughescq Member Posts: 6,006 Disability Gamechanger
    As if the 1st of January 2018 I turned off all tablet and phone notifications bar emails and turned off sound for everything bar phone calls. I’ve never used the vibrate function. I’m no less informed; don’t feel the pressure to constantly check for every thing that pops up on screen or at every sound and I feel much more relaxed online and in full control of what I see and when. I’ve been amazed at how much more relaxed I am and my sleep is getting better too. 
  • debbiedo49debbiedo49 Member Posts: 2,906 Disability Gamechanger
    I personally quit Facebook as I believe it brings out all the negative sides to people’s personalities and encourages paranoia. On there people can misinterpret what you are writing so easily and before you know it there’s a big misunderstanding and people fall out. There’s also those people who are brave behind a keyboard who won’t say the things to your face they say online. The final nail in the fb coffin for me has been the lack of privacy and the potential for people to snoop on you online. This is way to easy to do. My theory on this is, don’t put anything online you don’t want your friends of family of employers to see. I prefer to use an assumed name online for privacy reasons and that’s my choice. There are other decent social media sites where you don’t have to post your whole life online and still benefit from the services. I also don’t like the idea of sites storing my info online as you don’t know who can access it or who they can pass it on to. Peace Out
    💜🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿
    I am a fibro warrior !💜♏️
  • Clarecook1973Clarecook1973 Member Posts: 19 Connected
    I totally agree with u hun and I don't really get the whole what I had for dinner thing I must tell everyone kinda thing I just find I don't see many people it's the only way I get to see how they are i do miss the days when people used to pop round for a cuppa and a nat but those days seem to be gone more is the pity and oh yes the paranoia side I defiantly agree with its fuelled mine and it's also true people are happy to say things on there but not face to face I don't know makes me feel sad people need to be like that 
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,756 Listener
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  • Clarecook1973Clarecook1973 Member Posts: 19 Connected
    Thankyou Victoria for your comment you come over so positive. 
    Been really touched to be honest by this group everyone's so supportive and kind I'm not used to it x 
  • mikehughescqmikehughescq Member Posts: 6,006 Disability Gamechanger
    It should also be said that if you want really bad advice from well meaning people who are adamant they are right as well as excessive and illegal intrusion into your life then Facebook is definitely the place to go.
  • Clarecook1973Clarecook1973 Member Posts: 19 Connected
    Your spot on there like some people only comment negatively n it's not a honest comment just snipes at you just can't see how that make a them feel happy with doing that to people on purpose 
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,756 Listener
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  • laurahc__laurahc__ Member Posts: 35 Courageous
    As if the 1st of January 2018 I turned off all tablet and phone notifications bar emails and turned off sound for everything bar phone calls. I’ve never used the vibrate function. I’m no less informed; don’t feel the pressure to constantly check for every thing that pops up on screen or at every sound and I feel much more relaxed online and in full control of what I see and when. I’ve been amazed at how much more relaxed I am and my sleep is getting better too. 
    This is a good idea, so much so that I've muted notifications except calls/texts and whatsapp.

    Part of me wants to delete Facebook but it's nice to be able to see how friends are doing if they live in other countries. Geographically I can't pop round for a g&t with my friends who live in India, Germany, Australia etc and whilst I totally get the whole rose-tinted glasses thing about what we see online, it allows us to stay connected. 
    confessionsofazebra.blog 
  • sandyp196sandyp196 Member Posts: 129 Pioneering
    Iv had some bad times on fb with family.  I never realised how many family events I'm excluded from before fb. I wish I still didn't know.  I have had bad patches where I overshare on fb. I can't help it but instead of support I get criticised and bullied and told to shut up and stop embarrassing myself and the family.  These are the same people who post the mental health and disability awareness posts on a regular basis. It really upsets me and I find it a little offensive too. 
    I never knew my family had such issues with my illness. They have holidays, wedding, events and even funerals that Im not told about or invited to. I didn't K ow my own grandmother had died until after the funeral. 
    OK it's true I can be a bit unpredictable when stressed and I have caused arguments at events, but it's not intentional. 
    Lots of photos are shared. I'm not in any. Iv even asked if any photos exist of me at all. 
    I like sewing and I regularly used to post pics of things I made. My family expected them for free and it was costing me a fortune. So a counsellor told me to stop posting,  and actually not to go near fb when I felt unwell. 
    I set up a sewing group for me and a few ladies I 'met' in other sewing groups.  My group has been such a good thing. Iv met some nice friends and now have a best friend who iv met in person.  IM on fb a lot but I actually  don't post much on the public fb anymore. I have the company I crave from othet more positive people. 
    Social media is a lifeline for me. I live alone and have no friends or family near and I struggle to get out and about. I would be totally isolated without social media. But yes it's difficult to find the balance to keep yourself safe. 
    Just recently I saw family members arranging a holiday to Spain.  I had a message and I thought wow are they actually inviting me. All excited I looked at the message and it was a family member asking me to make them 7 fancy dress costumes for the holiday.  No money was offered and no invite either.  It's very hurtful. But luckily I now have some good friends and I have been invited on my first ever holiday by my best friend. I don't know if I can actualy do that, but the invite meant so much to me. 
  • Clarecook1973Clarecook1973 Member Posts: 19 Connected
    Hi hun @sandyp196
      I really feel for you hun that's awlful they would leave u out of all those family  events with out even inviting you to any of them.
    It's easy for me to say there loss not yours but blinking hell must be do hard for you n i don't want to sound like I'm being patronising but i do know how u feel in the past I've been left out of family events and get togethers but now I just think well there loss I am a nice person n I would have made the day nice if I had been there but just have to try n live our lives as best we can. I'm always round if u wanna chat hun 
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,756 Listener
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  • sandyp196sandyp196 Member Posts: 129 Pioneering
    Victoriad said:
    Hello @sandyp196
    Do yourself a great favour and delete fb it’s not a lifeline but a ball and chain from reading your post.

    Be strong please and delete it.

    Your true friends will find other ways if contacting you, believe me.


    That would be great if I had any true friends, but I don't.  I need to stay in touch with the world, and regardless of how my family feel about me, I still care about them and can't cut myself off like that. If I came off social media I woukd be totally isolated.  It's different and an easier decision for people who DO have real life friends. 
    I don't.   
  • sandyp196sandyp196 Member Posts: 129 Pioneering
    Hi hun @sandyp196
      I really feel for you hun that's awlful they would leave u out of all those family  events with out even inviting you to any of them.
    It's easy for me to say there loss not yours but blinking hell must be do hard for you n i don't want to sound like I'm being patronising but i do know how u feel in the past I've been left out of family events and get togethers but now I just think well there loss I am a nice person n I would have made the day nice if I had been there but just have to try n live our lives as best we can. I'm always round if u wanna chat hun 
    Thank you. That is so nice. I'm sorry that hapoened to you to, but it makes me feel less alone that I'm not the only one x
  • Clarecook1973Clarecook1973 Member Posts: 19 Connected
    No your defiantly not alone some people don't understand depression and I think it's easier for them to just cut us out of there functions etc as maybe they don't know what to say or how to act around us. I can honestly say since I've been coming in this group I feel supported and know n9ne of us are completely alone 
  • Clarecook1973Clarecook1973 Member Posts: 19 Connected
    I am thinking about it now think I'm.just in a cycle at the moment I'l get there but thankyou to everyone who commented your all lovely people and I feel honoured to have met you all
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