Loosing the will to live

justg72

Hi Crips
Really sorry to hear your feeling like this. I agree with leannemich your social worker is not supporting you at all. I would ring where the social worker is based and ask for a change, she should be giving you the support you need. Please dont give up you are better than that. I have 3 cats and they have helped me through my darkest times. One of mine knows when I am going to have a seizure before I do they are so intelligent. Heres a number which can help just for men called calm which is freephone 0800585858 they might be able to help and give you contact numbers for agencies for places to meet people. You mentioned you have no friends or family do you have any neighbours who could give you company. If you feel you can no longer longer look after your cat you could try this website https://www.catchat.org/index.php/cat-rescue-centres-cheshire. It says its based in Cheshire so they maybe able to help you. Cripps if you need people to talk, you can talk to me as well I will be glad to hear from you. If you feel like you need to talk I will be here as well. Take care x

debbiedo49

Try the Samaritans

debbiedo49

https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/samaritans-free-call-helpline-number-faqs

debbiedo49

 https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/suicidal-feelings/

loopyt

Hi Cripps, hope today is a better day for you? I do hope you are able to keep your cat xx please keep messaging everyone on here are a big help 

cripps

Morning everyone hope you’re feeling well today, to be honest my mood is pretty low so it’s not going to get better over night, I’ve just let my cat ? in he’s been out all night and he’s off to bed. I myself have bits to do so I’ll keep busy and the sun is out here. 

gwen65

see you are not alone . change your social worker i had a absolute shambles of social worker for my son as soon as his new one arrived she's like a breath of fresh air gets things done has ideas about getting him to go out and also listens to his worries she an absolute star x

cripps

Sounds like you have a good one there, me unfortunately has one that doesn’t care just does what she has too and that’s that this is my second social worker so i don’t think they will let me change again. I’ll just put up with what I’ve got it’s not what i was hoping for but there’s not much else i can do. 

sue66

Cripps just keep chatting to us on hear, we are all hear for each other and def for you.   I definitely agree the first step is change your social worker, i am mortified that you told her how you felt and you didn't get the right response and the help you so clearly need. How could she just walk away.    You sure have had a rough deal and little support from anyone.  Maybe the Samaritans or age concern can put you in touch with someone. The number given for you which can help just for men called calm  sounds like it may be another good option. Just having a visitor or one person to take you out for even a drive would benefit you so much and i pray you will get a call soon. once you have rang these numbers. May i ask your christian name rather than call you cripps. Im Sue

cripps

Thank you you’re so kind, it’s seems everyone i chat to have best intentions and i really appreciate every word. If you like you can call me NEIL it probably better than cripps. I’ll call the number tomorrow and see if i can get any help because I’ve got to give it a go because as it stands it’s falling apart. I very much appreciate your post, if i may I’ll call you SUE. X

Yadnad

Social workers? we both gave up with that lot years ago!

They were supposed to offer help and arrange care for me when I was discharged from hospital. A total of 6 weeks worth of help/care was promised for my wife. Received zilch! My wife was at her wits end, trying to get me to eat food (after months of being fed by intravenous line in hospital), trying to get me to move around (after months in a hospital bed).

Then when things were at breaking point some years later through my health deteriorating we asked for help again. This time we both had an assessment and my wife was told that she would be given time off away from me to recover meeting other people in a similar situation. I was told that whilst she was away someone would pop in and check on me. Neither of us heard or saw anybody. Weeks later I telephoned them and was told that my case had been closed as I had received the help I needed???/ I put the phone down in disgust.

So now we have only ourselves to look to - to solve problems and plan our lives. You just get used to finding ways around the problems the best way that you can.
Ironically it has made me stronger in will and I now take responsibility for pushing myself to become a part of the general population.

So suggesting that Social Workers are the be all and end all is in my opinion a load of rubbish. 

cripps

Another thing that bothers me if you don’t mind me saying is the medication I’m on, I’m so addicted to it with the morphine and pregabin and so called other drugs i just can’t come off them I’ve been on these drugs for over 4 years now. I’ve spoken to my GP and consultants about this but they want take me off them because they say i need them, I’m sure with there potency they have a big say in how i feel and my moods . I know i need drugs for my day to day living but if there going to turn me into someone I’m not I’d rather not take them.

cripps

I’m glad I’m not on my own with social workers being a waste of space, thank for that it sounds daft but that’s put a smile on your face. ?

Yadnad

cripps said:

Another thing that bothers me if you don’t mind me saying is the medication I’m on, I’m so addicted to it with the morphine and pregabin and so called other drugs i just can’t come off them I’ve been on these drugs for over 4 years now. I’ve spoken to my GP and consultants about this but they want take me off them because they say i need them, I’m sure with there potency they have a big say in how i feel and my moods . I know i need drugs for my day to day living but if there going to turn me into someone I’m not I’d rather not take them.

I know how you feel. I am supposed to take (as per the pain clinic/GP/psychiatrist) 10ml Oramorph every 4 hours, Sertraline 150mg every 12 hours, Morphine MST 90mg every 12 hours and Pregabalin 150mg every 12 hours.
I understand the symptoms you describe and it was because of that reason I saw my GP and told him that I wanted off the stuff. He tried to persuade me to keep on with them but I insisted. Eventually he relented and gradually reduced the dose to nil over a few months.
I am still in pain and suffer from PTSD, depression etc but my brain works again!!

Given the choice of feeling like a zombie or in pain with mental health difficulties  I chose the latter.

Sometimes the side effects  of the medication  can be worse than the symptoms of the condition that they are treating

cripps

I see where you’re coming from, the medication is a nightmare but as you Say it’s better to have a brain than none at all. I’ll speak to my GP once again and see what happens. 

Yadnad

Previously I was on a much higher level of anti psychotic and anti depressant medication including the dreaded Lithium. That was an awful period of my life, I attempted suicide twice (setting a derelict house on fire with me sat on the floor and riding my motorbike at 4am looking for a decent wall to crash into). For both of those my wife alerted the local police who found me and took me with them to the police station. For those two I was sectioned. It was when my physical health then failed that put me in hospital for months, weeks on end in HDU that I found the easiest way out. I refused all food and liquid. Eventually I was fed through a tube into my neck and hydrated via an IV. I just gave up. Even the consultant on one of his rounds told the nursing staff that if I was left like this I would be dead in weeks and for that reason I must be discharged to go home. The  nursing staff refused to comply but the consultant forced the issue. That was when I was supposed to have a minimum of 6 weeks of care etc via Social Services which never happened.

So I too have been through it - you are not on your own. All I did was find just one positive thing I wanted to do and concentrated to try to take my life back. It need not be a big step, as long as it is a step in the right direction.

My first step was to eat something. My wife tried everything to tempt me eventually finding the one thing I eat - a toasted bacon sandwich!! The first bite of food for many months.

Money was extremely tight as both my DLA award and IIDB had been terminated due to not sending back the completed review forms whilst I lay in the hospital - this was in early 2004. It took me a further 7 years (2011) to gather the strength (both physical and mental) to re-apply for both benefits. So for those 7 years we lost a lot of income which had to be put on the credit card.
Ironically for the IIDB one, the DWP actually agreed to backdate the award to when it stopped but because I failed to appeal against the determination to suspend/cancel the award in 2004 they said that they could not make the 7 years of back payments (£20,000+).

cripps

I can very much understand your feelings because I’m running out of options of what to do, I’ll stick it out as long as i can but i do need help with what’s going on with my thinking ?, not sure if it’s the medication or me but need someone to talk this through before it’s too late. ?

Yadnad

The reason for my lengthy postings is trying to show that you are not alone in the way you are thinking. I got through it without any real help. You must not think that life is not important - it is important. And believe me there are many people out there that are in a much worse place than you or I are - think yourself lucky that people do actually care.

Take care

cripps

I take that as a telling off!!!! I know there’s a lot of people in a worse place but I’ve just had enough of fighting just to have a life because every which way i turn there’s a wall of muck. Sorry to be on a downer on such a lovely day but I’m just being honest. I love ? the way people care and i love chatting but all I’m asking is to talk to someone to see if they can help, I’ve tried with everyone i know but they just turn their back. 

cripps

so If we’re talking honestly that’s what I’m trying to do. It’s about time i did because I’ve lied to others in the past with me saying I’m fine when clearly i wasn’t and that’s why I’m where i am.