Child's behaviour — Scope | Disability forum
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Child's behaviour

Kirstie74 Community member Posts: 9 Courageous
The last few months have been utter hell, my daughter, asd, adhd, epilepsy, 7 years old, her behaviour is dreadful and getting worse in ferocity with each passing day. She is very defiant, has severe mood swings resulting in destruction, hurling abuse foul language, screaming and shouting which can last for hours. There's no reasoning or pacifying her in anyway.
The anger in her is terrifying and very upsetting. I feel such a failure as I cannot help her in anyway she doesn't respond to anything I do to help it just gets worse so I have resulted in putting her into her room, where she's safe and ignore her until she finally stops. She is very subdued afterwards and wants to be hugged and reassured she is loved. I constantly tell her I love her and cuddle her but it's getting very hard to cope with it all. I have my own health issues and I feel awful everyday, I drag myself through each day. 
Waiting for a call back off her paediatrcian don't know what else to do


  • April2018mom
    April2018mom Posts: 2,882 Disability Gamechanger

    Have you contacted NAS or not? They might be able to offer advice. What about therapy? Would that make a difference or not? Also see if you can find a squeeze ball for her to use during her outbursts.
    Is she good at writing or not? If so suggest she keeps a diary instead. The best thing to do is remain calm. Don’t back down either. But do ask yourself “Why”?
    You might wish to read the article. Ask for a referral for a therapist too. What does the school say? Is she at a specialist school? Definitely seek out help for her. 
    Also helpful. Try saying “I love you but this is not okay” consistently to her as well. 
  • Adrian_Scope
    Adrian_Scope Testing team Posts: 10,599 Scope online community team
    Hi @Kirstie74,
    I'm sorry to read this. It must be really tough and exhausting for you at the moment, but thank you for reaching out.

    I'm going to tag in @SparkleSheffieldAutismAdvisors as I wonder if they might be able to suggest something for you.
    Community Manager
  • Kirstie74
    Kirstie74 Community member Posts: 9 Courageous
    Thank you. 
    I have spoken to her paediatrician and we're tweaking her medication and seeing if this helps. If not we'll have to see him again and go from there 
  • Geoark
    Geoark Community member Posts: 1,462 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi Kirstie

    It sounds like a very difficult situation for you both. There is some very good advice on the site @April2018mom gave to you.

    From experience once your daughter kicks off there is very little you can do, she is still young and will not have very good communication skills to be able to communicate what is upsetting her. I often compare these melt downs in my daughter as her trying to regain some control over her life. One thing I did a lot was to send her to her bedroom until she calmed down. As she got older she learned to take herself to her room when things got too much and before things got out of hand.

    Keeping a diary is one of the key ways in helping to identify what is triggering these outbursts. Whilst it is possible that these things can build up in her at this age she is probably reacting immediately to something. The other thing I noticed is that her condition is co-morbid with ADHD and epilepsy. If she is on medication it may be worth discussing with the paediatrician to see if this could be a possible source of the current issues. I know of one case where a child with ASD and epilepsy was mute until they changed her medication for epilepsy after a short period she was a regular chatter box. Do not make any changes to medication without consulting your doctor or paediatrician, this can be more dangerous. (sorry not aimed at you in particular but have known parents to do this.)

    While your daughter's behaviour is obviously of immediate concern please don't forget to look after your own physical and mental welfare.  I get a sense from your post that this is already dragging you down and this will impact on both. So while you may not agree lets get some things out of the way. 

    First you are not a bad mum or a failure, in any sense. Very young aspies can be very challenging for any family without the additional challenges of ADHD and epilepsy.

    Second while I agree the needs of children come first, sometimes putting the needs of the parents first is putting first is putting the needs of the child first. If the parent is constantly in pain, run down and not getting much sleep, first they will not be at their best and second their children will pick up on this, usually in a negative way.

    Third don't take what your daughter says too seriously, or personally. She probably has much control over what she is saying and doing as you have in controlling her behaviour while she is having a melt down. I am often shocked how some parents internalise what is happening as something aimed directly at them and how this affects their parenting, yet even knowing this it is a trap I fell into. I have found the more relaxed we remain the easier it is for our daughter to get through stressful times at home.

    May I ask if your daughter is in mainstream schooling?  If so is this behaviour being observed by the school?

    As an individual I stood alone.
    As a member of a group I did things.
    As part of a community I helped to create change!

  • Kirstie74
    Kirstie74 Community member Posts: 9 Courageous
    My daughter attends a Sen school and they are excellent with her and we work hand in hand together to help Scarlet. 
  • Geoark
    Geoark Community member Posts: 1,462 Disability Gamechanger
    Having spent my childhood in a SEN school I am a huge fan of these type of schools, especially for autism. Having worked as a temporary teaching assistant in a number of such schools I was always been surprised how well the children do. My daughter was in mainstream as she seemed to cope, at least academically. I recently said something that triggered her and the venom and hatred she expressed shocked me. 

    One reason I am such a big fan is they often provide opportunities for experiences which would not be available in mainstream schools, and access to specialists.

    As an individual I stood alone.
    As a member of a group I did things.
    As part of a community I helped to create change!


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