Cursed Loneliness!

IanHaines

I'm cruising, as usual.  My place has that new glass...the transparent stuff, y' know? 

It's great, but they put two giant window frames in, everywhere, instead of only one.  I don't think they've quite understood the concept of double glazing, just yet, but I live in hope. 

I've been stuck in here for 22 years, anyway, so it's a busman's holiday, to me. 

I've just applied to my local authority for permission to sneeze and I'm so excited that they're gonna say yes!  I've said 15 male hairies - wasn't it clever of me to get God on my side!? 

Keep your rubber-gloved fingers crossed for me, folks!

mrbuttons

IanHaines said:

Yep...

Here I am, again, listening to deathly silence, living alone, no visitors, housebound (phobia) and it proves that life, for me, never changes.  I'm just...stunned, I guess, at how many times I say to people, "Whether I'm alive, unconscious, comatose or dead, if you need me, just pick up the phone and I'm there...I'm always there," those I know as acquaintances and call themselves "friends" have NO IDEA how to be friends, at all.  To tell them all to go to hell would be a little self-destructive...or, would it?  Now and then, I have a conversation on the phone with one of them - pretty much always when I phone them, of course - and, after a few minutes of their total failure to participate in the phone call, that reaching out is over, too, just like all the others.  I'm too good to these people.  I should withdraw my 24/7 offer and let them get the hell on with it all.  Trouble is, of course, they pick things up for me, from shops and I can't do without that. 

I wouldn't mind betting that, out there, in Britain, right now, there are around 1,000 people with whom I would get on incredibly well, even if the Net was our only medium of comms.  Truth is...where the hell are they?...how the Heck do I find them?

One relative I'm sometimes on the phone with...she keeps too much silence while I'm talking and, now and then, I say, "Hey...pretend this is a conversation and take part!".  The inevitable line, with others, too, is, "Well, what do you want me to say?"  What the hell kind of answer is that?  She knows my entire situation, loneliness, isolation, mental health troubles, no visitors, but she still doesn't take part in our phone calls unless I ask her how her dog is, or how my nephew is doing.  I just...can't understand these people.  With the same keenness as when I phone them, in desperation, why can't they pick up the damned phone and phone me, to even just see how I am.  This includes close-ish acquaintances and closer family (sister, etc.,) who don't even phone to see how I am, not even when they know I'm going through a breakdown, or when I have a physical ailment that has got me down.

Over around 50 years, people have simply forgotten how to be warm and compassionate with others and it's a tragedy that it has come down to this.  The only escape from my loneliness is when I go to sleep and the entire world can just sod off, but the only hitch...the only bad side of that...is that I have to wake up, again.  And, on waking, I know how the day will go, with the phone only being used if I phone somebody else on/with it.  To whom does a person like me turn, to remedy this apparently eternal problem?

hi Ian

jeez you are going through it. I'm sorry to hear that and can agree with you about so-called friends. we find out who is genuine in times like these. I have been let down and hurt by 2 people i trusted who have abandoned me despite telling m to contact them If I ever need anything. i am learning that most people, if they are honest, can't really be bothered to do things that don't directly benefit them.it's unforgivable to leave people high and dry when you have offered to help them. it's cruel.

on the other side, I wonder if some people think they are being kind but they are actually being selfish. or are we too demanding?

in my situation, I think more honesty on all sides would be useful in setting boundaries so everyone knows what is expected and when to offer help and when to not. it avoids feelings of disappointment and abandonment. if i  ask too much of people i wish they would just say so and not promise to be there and then ignore me for months on end.sometimes its nice to hear a human voice on the phone even if you are only talking about the tv.

some of us only want a chat now and again not a major clinical intervention from those around us. once years ago i said that to a 'friend' who had let me down and she said that she was scared to get too close to me because i had so many issues  (anxiety depression and physical disabilities) at the time and she could get overwhelmed. i understand that concern but not the need for the crushing rejection.

 i, sorry i have vented my own problems here but your post really chimed with me. i hope that something i  posted might be helpful to you.

take kind care of yourself

IanHaines

Mr B...

The people to whom I refer always know what's expected of themselves (no contact, no support) and they know what is expected of me (to hear them say they'll be in touch, not get in touch and not get any grief about that) and I one day just decided to let them know about their empty promises and their worthless idea of support.  They support me by making sure the phone doesn't ring during ANY 24 hours period so that I won't have to tire myself out, picking it up and then go through the stress of having to actually talk on it.  I'm so blessed.  One day, the tables will be turned and they'll know how it feels; I'll make sure of it.  What have I to lose?