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Relationship issues

coylygirl
coylygirl Member Posts: 283 Pioneering
I have just discovered that my partner of 2 years has been cheating on me online.  We're in lockdown together so this has been taking place under my nose.  I am angry, hacked off and feel like a fool for being taken advantage of.  My problem is that at the moment I am financially dependent on him and he owes me a substantial amount of money.  He doesn't know that I know, but I don't know how long I can keep this under my hat.  I am in full fight or flight mode right now - pounding heart, red face and stomach in knots.  HELP
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Comments

  • lisathomas50
    lisathomas50 Member Posts: 4,693 Disability Gamechanger
    @coylygirl sorry to here that especially in lock down 

    When you say your financially  dependent on him in what way does he work or claim benefits for you 

    You can get benefits in your own name if you decide to leave him 

    Have you got anywhere else to go or do you think you can work through this 

    You can get help from shelter if you need somewhere to live  or you can speak to citizen advice 

    Do you have a disability,  you gavent said very much so that's all I can suggest at the moment 

    Others will reply 
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Member Posts: 12,739 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi there 

    I am sorry to hear this and can empathise with you been there done that 

    If you want to end the relationship dont let the financial reliance stop you there are always alternatives 

    Try not to do anything on impulse as you will be hurt and angry at present and this may cloud your judgement 

    Do you feel you can approach him about this ? And I am presuming he hasn't cheated physically though it's still no excuse 

    Always someone here to chat you.will get through this 
    I have professional experience in HR within public,  private, and charity sectors.  If I can help I will 
  • coylygirl
    coylygirl Member Posts: 283 Pioneering
    I am in debt - due to partner - and need him to pay me some back before I can kick him into touch.  It's my house, so I have no accommodation issues, fortunately.  I have bipolar and I'm feeling a bit manic at the moment
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Member Posts: 12,739 Disability Gamechanger
    You can sort out the debt dont let that stop you 

    You can arrange an affordable repayment plan 

    I'm not being harsh here but will you actually get the money back he owes you? You could again set up a signed agreement 

    Dont give him any more money 

    If you are feeling unable to cope and it is affecting your bipolar please contact your gp 

    Do you have any family or friends to help support you or just talk to 
    I have professional experience in HR within public,  private, and charity sectors.  If I can help I will 
  • lisathomas50
    lisathomas50 Member Posts: 4,693 Disability Gamechanger
    @coylygirl do you have a mental health worker that you can speak  to 

    You could speak to scope on the phone for advice  @janer1967 may know of other places that can help you I have tagged them so hopefuly reply soon 
  • coylygirl
    coylygirl Member Posts: 283 Pioneering
    Thank you all so much for your replies and support x
  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Posts: 6,575

    Scope community team

    Hi @coylygirl :) Welcome to the community. I'm very sorry to hear that you're in such a difficult situation at the moment, and it's totally understandable that you'd be feeling stressed about it. 

    We're sending you an email from [email protected], so please do keep an eye out for it and let us know if there's anything more we can do to help. 
    Online Community Coordinator, she/her

    Concerned about another member's safety or wellbeing? Flag your concerns with us.

    Want to tell us how we're doing? Complete our feedback form now.
  • kami24
    kami24 Member Posts: 402 Pioneering
    So sorry to hear that you rely on him financially. There is help available. I would advise speaking to the council if you are considering leaving him or even the social work department if you have bipolar and no where to live in the future. I have been in a similar situation in the past and the council do help if they can do. I have personality disorder 
  • lisathomas50
    lisathomas50 Member Posts: 4,693 Disability Gamechanger
    @kami24 its her own house so housing is ok which is a blessing 
  • lisathomas50
    lisathomas50 Member Posts: 4,693 Disability Gamechanger
    @Tori_Scope thank you  its an awful position to be in 
  • coylygirl
    coylygirl Member Posts: 283 Pioneering
    Thanks folks, hanging on in there x
  • lisathomas50
    lisathomas50 Member Posts: 4,693 Disability Gamechanger
    @coylygirl hope things get better for you soon 
  • coylygirl
    coylygirl Member Posts: 283 Pioneering
    Thank you.  Speaking to the bank tomorrow so fingers crossed x
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Member Posts: 12,739 Disability Gamechanger
    Fingers crossed for you hang on in there 
    I have professional experience in HR within public,  private, and charity sectors.  If I can help I will 
  • coylygirl
    coylygirl Member Posts: 283 Pioneering
    Thank you so much x
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Member Posts: 12,739 Disability Gamechanger
    I know what it is like and how you must be feeling so anytime you want a chat just reach out 
    I have professional experience in HR within public,  private, and charity sectors.  If I can help I will 
  • coylygirl
    coylygirl Member Posts: 283 Pioneering
    Thank you, will likely take you up on that x
  • woodbine
    woodbine Community Co-Production Group Posts: 5,598 Disability Gamechanger
    hi @coylygirl from a male perspective I would say soon as you sort the money side out kick him out, lifes too short to have people in it you can't trust, but as above if you need to chat heres as good a place as any.
    I am a person with epilepsy not an epileptic, my illness doesn't define me.
  • coylygirl
    coylygirl Member Posts: 283 Pioneering
    Thank you woodbine, I have lost the trust and no second chances x
  • Cress
    Cress Member Posts: 999 Pioneering
    ...and in the meantime clean the dogs bum with his toothbrush....
    Best wishes.
    My opinions are my own and
     do not necessarily represent the scope website...

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