Hi, my name is Bonf01! — Scope | Disability forum
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Hi, my name is Bonf01!

Bonf01
Bonf01 Member Posts: 5 Listener
Hello everyone. I’m Beth, I’m 33 and a mother to three lovely daughters. 
I am a bit shy introducing myself as sometimes I feel like people don’t really see me as disabled. In 2019 I had a near fatal car crash which left me in a very bad way. Broken arm, wrist, femur, both ankles completely smashed and my pelvis almost broken in half with my lower lumbar detached. 
They told my partner I was never going to walk again.
I was paralysed almost completely waist down for 3 months and slowly some sensation came back. I really fought. 
Long story short, I am now full of metal, I can walk some days but not far at all and not without an aid. Some days I cannot get out of bed without the most excruciating pain. I struggle to manage stairs and as good as drag myself up then bum shuffle down. 
My legs and nerves sometimes suddenly go and I have had many falls.
The nerve damage is terrible and all the metal in my pelvis and spine is rather like being in a vice. I lost almost an inch on my left side when I smashed my pelvis so if I do walk I waddle very embarrassingly.
I suffer Ibs and this can be tricky particularly with limited mobility. 
Mental health is very poor since and gained a lot of weight because I cannot do much at all. 
I will never be the same as I was and classed as disabled but in my head I feel trapped in this body now. 
I am worried about joining and speaking here because so many people have it so much worse and I feel a bit silly. 
I got given a blue badge for parking as walking is a challenge and sometimes my wheelchair is needed but because I don’t ‘look’ disabled I’ve had comments which really upset me so I avoid parking in those bays.
anyhow enough from me, I hope you’re all well and a very warm hello from me x 

Comments

  • janer1967
    janer1967 Member Posts: 12,234 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi and welcome to the community 

    Wow you have done so well to get back any mobility 

    Thanks for sharing your story with us 

    You don't need to worry about bring judged here we are all disabled in one way or another 

    I empathise getting used to a disability was once described to me as similar to grieving process 

    Have a look around and feel free to join in 
    Here to help with my experience in hunan resources and employment rights 
  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Member Posts: 1,969 Pioneering
    @Bonf01 don't feel silly we are glad you are here and a big welcome to the forum.
    Gosh at your accident you had, that must of been awful for you at the time. 
    I'm sorry you've been left in lots of pain and limitations, I can understand you having problems with mental health, have you contacted anybody for that, such as mind?
    Don't feel guilty for having a blue badge and parking in disabled parking, if other people have a problem with that then that is their problem not yours, you also don't need to explain to them or feel guilty. 
    We are all friendly here and offer support, lots of topics to join in with too.
  • Bonf01
    Bonf01 Member Posts: 5 Listener
    Thank you so much for your reply janer1967. I think that’s what it is like; a grief. My mind wants to do the things I could do before but my body simply cannot. Slowly I’m getting better at accepting it but I find myself pushing too much and ending up suffering for it- usually in a fall etc. 
    Lovely to meet you and thanks again x 
  • Bonf01
    Bonf01 Member Posts: 5 Listener
    Thank you so much Sandy 123 x 
  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Posts: 5,996

    Scope community team

    Welcome to the community @Bonf01 :)

    As the others have said, there's no need at all to feel silly, or as though the challenges you face are in any way lesser than other people's. Everyone is welcome here, and everyone has their own challenges to face.

    Thanks for sharing your story with us. As Janer1967 has said, it can be compared to the grieving process. You mentioned that you've been struggling metal health of late, are you receiving any support for this?

    Have you ever told anyone about the frequency of your falls? Do you receive any help at home?

    Please feel free to take a look around the community, and get involved with any discussions that interest you. The coffee lounge is a great place to meet other members, and our list of recent discussions will show you what our members are talking about right now. You can also view the different categories of discussion we facilitate here. In particular, the categories for dealing with chronic pain and mental health problems might interest you?

    Give us a shout if you need anything. I look forward to seeing you around! 
    Online Community Coordinator, she/her

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  • Bonf01
    Bonf01 Member Posts: 5 Listener
    Thank you Tori. 
    I am getting some help for ptsd but I live alone and don’t get much help around the house; I try to ‘get on with it’ and to be a good mom to my girls. They try to help as best they can but they’re still young. 
    I don’t tell anyone about my falls, I have mentioned them a few times but it just gets dismissed because I’m ‘doing too much or pushing myself’; when reality is, if I don’t do them then no one else will. 
    You all sound wonderful and I thank you all for being so kind. I shall definitely have a look through and try to engage. X 
  • NellyMaggie
    NellyMaggie Member Posts: 59 Courageous
    edited April 30
    @Bonf01

    Hi I have similar problems, yours it’s way to bigger compared to mine and I’m very sorry that your live was taken from you in such a drastic way. 
    I had a brain tumour almost three years ago I had my surgery I was paralysed as well my tumour was a left parasagittal grade II
    I couldn’t walk, talk grab things etc I had to take steroids before and after the surgery I also gained so much weight, and I keep gaining. I use to weight 55 to 58 kg now I’m with 65 almost 66 and the most that I try to lose some weight I gain more it’s not pleasing. 

    After a wile I started walking, I made a lot of exercises  in the pool taking small walks, I don’t have the problem that you have I’m walking now and talking your problem is much bigger then mine. I start suffering from epilepsy, depression, anxiety and I have to take a medication for bipolar disease because one of the medication for epilepsy can put a person suffering from that. 

    I also use to think that I haven’t the right to be here talking about my health condition because there was so much worse diseases, however this group helped me with my insecurity’s they give me strength wen I wanted to give up, they even help me to find a new job. 

    It’s very difficult wen we are well and suddenly everything change, we aren’t the same person anymore that we can’t do the things that we use to. I had no idea that I had a brain tumour, one day I was ok on the other day I had a huge seizure and ended in a hospital bed. 

    Don’t let people make you feel bad about parking in that particular space, they don’t now what you went through and you must don’t care what they are thinking. There’s some days that my hands are shaking I use to feel  uncomfortable about it, but I almost died I saw live going way from me, so I don’t care anymore if they are talking bad about me or looking in a strange way. 

    Never lose your confidence or feel inferior, family is always there for us but sometimes we need to talk with someone else, talking with people that we don’t know it’s so much easier. Don’t lose your self esteem. 

    Keep safe and be brave 😊



  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Member Posts: 1,969 Pioneering
    @NellyMaggie well done on getting on stronger to walk and talk, that must of took some determination and hard work.
  • Bonf01
    Bonf01 Member Posts: 5 Listener
    @NellyMaggie thank you for your lovely reply. I just want to send you a hug and to say I completely understand everything you have just said. One day at a time; keep going and being strong x 
  • NellyMaggie
    NellyMaggie Member Posts: 59 Courageous
    @Bonf01

    You welcome a huge hug for you too 🤗 One day at a time,  wen I need to talk I just come here and write, you aren’t alone I understand what you said as well and isn’t easy. 
    Never give up, be strong 
    😘

  • NellyMaggie
    NellyMaggie Member Posts: 59 Courageous
    @Sandy_123

    Thank you, It wasn’t easy I had a lot of pain, my muscles were rigid, I was very week, but I was alive 😊
  • Caz_Alumni
    Caz_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 624 Pioneering
    Hello @Bonf01 :)

    Please don't feel too shy! It's lovely to meet you and great to have you with us on the community. 

    I just wanted to stop by, say hi, and see how you were getting on? Thank you for sharing your story with us. You've been through a really challenging time of it all-in-all. And, as our other members have said already, you really shouldn't feel like anybody is judging you. I know that's hard sometimes, particularly when you just want to get on with things. But there's absolutely nothing wrong with asking for, and getting, that bit of extra support that you might need from time to time. That's what we're here to help you with as well. 

    With that in mind, I just wanted to follow up on Tori's post above, and ask what kind of help you're currently receiving at home? I know that you've said that you think that people would just dismiss what you had to say about your falls. But I would certainly hope that isn't the case. And so, I wondered if there was anything we could do on the community to help you access some more support at home? For example, have you spoken to your local council about a social care needs assessment? 

    Anyway, I'm really glad you've found us Bonf01. Do keep in touch and I look forward to speaking to you again soon  <3
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