Platonic relationships vs friendships

chloeblue04

Hello 

I have a secret problem at present. 

Two years ago I had a secret crush on someone else but I need to respect him as a good friend that he wanted me to. The point is I have biased feelings which implies that one-sided crush on him because he's my friend. I'm sorry but I cannot talk too much about it. Anyhow I have been seeing him at work because I'm struggling to hide my feelings from him and right under my mum's nose. I didn't flirt with him.

I can't think about my secret crush not now!  Why? Because it's complicated it happens to anyone who had unrequited feelings for another if they struggle to reciprocate if it's too awkward and such. 

But back to me, I can't think about  my secret crush not now! I'm a 29 year old autistic adult who is vulnerable when it comes to relationships like that. I had 6 secret crushes in my past and I can't mention it in public as it is forbidden. I like eligible handsome men. 

I can't just be in love or to date whoever I want. I'm single and proud of it. Take a look at me. I'm proud to be me that I'm a strong, black, young woman. I mean really who could ever love or befriend a person who is so awkward and difficult? 

I have to be with other people and to contact them rather than one person frequently that's why I can't be with him. My mum wants me to be with my childhood crush but I'm not interested in becoming his girlfriend or his future wife as I didn't want to as I assume that none of the guys I met in my past wouldn't suit me. My cousin said that I need to wait for the right one to become my true love.


My only chance to move on from it is to take my mind off things, focus on what matters in real life and to be with other people. 

That's the way it's going to be and I'm sorry. 

I need to respect him as a friend just so I could work on my friendship. 

What will I do to solve this problem? 

Tori_Scope

Hello @chloeknight16071992

It can be difficult when you have a crush on someone who you suspect doesn't have romantic feelings towards you. 

I need to respect him as a friend just so I could work on my friendship. 

I think that this is a good idea, if you feel as though you'd be happy just being friends. That being said, it's also okay to give yourself some time and space from him so that you can work through your feelings and then decide whether you're happy just being friends. Does that make sense?

I had 6 secret crushes in my past and I can't mention it in public as it is forbidden.

I can't just be in love or to date whoever I want.

I have to be with other people and to contact them rather than one person frequently that's why I can't be with him.

What do you mean by these comments? Does it feel more difficult because you think that these people haven't liked you back in a romantic way? 

I'm single and proud of it. Take a look at me. I'm proud to be me that I'm a strong, black, young woman. I mean really who could ever love or befriend a person who is so awkward and difficult? 

My only chance to move on from it is to take my mind off things, focus on what matters in real life and to be with other people. 

I think it's great that you feel proud of who you are, and that you're comfortable being single. There's no rush to get into a relationship with anyone and, as your cousin has said, it can be good to wait for the right person to come along. 

Do you think that you're awkward and difficult? It's important that you know that someone should love you for being you, including any awkward traits. Having autism or being awkward or 'difficult' doesn't mean that you can't ever find the right partner.

chloeblue04

Yes that's what I want. 

What I meant by these comments is I can't be around dodgy men who would take advantage of me, to manipulate me and to have sex with me. That's why I need to stay away from bad men. 

i was unaware that my former 6 crushes didn't reciprocate when I was younger and I don't want to talk about it.

I don't think that I'm awkward and difficult. 

chloeblue04

I get lonely for companionship. 

Tori_Scope

I see what you mean @chloeknight16071992 and yes, it's definitely important that you try to stay away from people who might take advantage of you. Do your loved ones help you to work out who might be nice, and who might not be? 

That's okay, you don't have to talk about anything you don't want to  

I'm glad you don't think you're awkward or difficult! I'm sure you'll make someone a great partner one day. 

Many people experience feelings of loneliness, and the desire for companionship, even when they're comfortable with being single. Do you find that your platonic friendships help to ease those feelings of loneliness? 

chloeblue04

I cannot tell the difference between platonic relationships and friendships. Can you tell me the difference? 

chloeblue04

I guess.

chloeblue04

What I'm looking for in a new companion is someone with the sweetest personality; kind, caring benevolent, supportive, mature, clever, resourceful, calm, patient, level-headed, easy-going, intelligent, generous, selfless and good-natured. 

My ideal companion would be attractive inside and outside but at the same time loyal towards me. 

chloeblue04

Hello Tori 
Does the phrase "Love is Blind" mean anything to you? 

chloeblue04

Please tell me the difference between platonic relationships and friendships otherwise I'll get confused. 

chloeblue04

 Do your loved ones help you to work out who might be nice, and who might not be?  To answer the question yes.

chloeblue04

Do you find that your platonic friendships help to ease those feelings of loneliness? Nobody has ever asked me that question before. That's a curious question that stopped me in my tracks. 

chloeblue04

"I think that this is a good idea, if you feel as though you'd be happy just being friends. That being said, it's also okay to give yourself some time and space from him so that you can work through your feelings and then decide whether you're happy just being friends. Does that make sense?"

Tori I need to reconsider and to think about what you are telling me that's why I needed your help. May I consider you as an acquaintance or a love expert? 

chloeblue04

About my secret crush that I told you about............ he's got autismn. 

chloeblue04

Sorry I noticed a spelling mistake 'autism'.

Tori_Scope

Sorry @chloeknight16071992, I hadn't spotted your replies. 

I cannot tell the difference between platonic relationships and friendships. Can you tell me the difference? 

I suppose I was using them interchangeably in my reply, just to mean a non-romantic relationship. Does that make sense? I'm sure there are differences in the actual definitions. 

What I'm looking for in a new companion is someone with the sweetest personality; kind, caring benevolent, supportive, mature, clever, resourceful, calm, patient, level-headed, easy-going, intelligent, generous, selfless and good-natured. 

My ideal companion would be attractive inside and outside but at the same time loyal towards me. 

Someone like that would be great Sometimes we can build good relationships with people we might not have expected to like, but many of the things you've listed are really important core values, such as being kind and supportive. 

Does the phrase "Love is Blind" mean anything to you? 

From my experience 'love is blind' often refers to the idea that you can't see someone's faults or imperfections when you love them. 

Do your loved ones help you to work out who might be nice, and who might not be?  To answer the question yes.

That's good. It's important we have people around us who can support us in keeping ourselves safe and making good decisions.

May I consider you as an acquaintance or a love expert? 

I'm definitely no expert on love! Love and relationships are really personal things, and only you know what's best, but it can be good to talk things through with someone to hear their perspective on things.

About my secret crush that I told you about............ he's got autismn. 

Is this something you've just found out about, or did you know that before?

chloeblue04

I already knew about it. 

chloeblue04

Hello Tori_Scope
In my single sentence "I like eligible handsome men".  What I need to be more specific is that I like eligible handsome men with dark hair and attractive features". 

Yesterday I kinda had an argument with my friend/ platonic pal via text on WhatsApp but in the end, I apologised to him. I need to get him out of my head and to move on with my single life. 

Do you ever get the feeling and imagine that you invited your crush over to your house and to meet your parents and to sit down and have dinner? Do you also get the feeling what the reaction your parents would think of your ideal boyfriend? Would your mum or dad look at your crush in a stern, disapproving glare? 

I would get that feeling if I had a boyfriend. But don't worry I don't have a boyfriend I'm not dating and in a relationship with anyone at the moment. 

I have to go please respond as soon as you are available. 

Tori_Scope

I'm sorry to hear that you had an argument with your friend @chloeknight16071992. It's good that you apologised though, I hope you two can remain friends if that's what you want. 

It's quite normal to feel worried about what your family might think about a potential partner. Ultimately, they should be pleased for you so long as you're both happy and the relationship is a positive one. It can sometimes take them a while to accept your new partner, especially if it's not someone they expected you to be in a relationship with, but with time they can learn to get along. 

chloeblue04

Hi Tori_Scope

That's ok. This morning as I got off the bus, I felt as if my feelings for my current secret crush are fading as if I forgot about him when I'm with my parents. I need to move on with my life and to find a positive outlet. When you're single you live an optimistic, happy-go-lucky life for one moment and the next thing you get lonely for companionship. Is that complicated? 

Tori_Scope

It's quite normal to have both of those feelings @chloeknight16071992. It's important to be comfortable being single, and embrace it if you can, but there's nothing wrong with admitting that you feel lonely at times.