Wife, Carer

Wibbles

My wife has just informed me, that she is fed up with being my carer and that I need to find someone else!
What do I do?
We've been married for 20 years
I am unable to do anything myself 

janer1967

Hi 

I'm sorry to hear this have you thought about getting some outside care to give your wife a break at times 

Refer yourself for a care needs assessment on gov website and a ot will come and assess your needs and if required recommend to social services the need for a carer 

Wibbles

janer1967 said:

Hi 

I'm sorry to hear this have you thought about getting some outside care to give your wife a break at times 

Refer yourself for a care needs assessment on gov website and a ot will come and assess your needs and if required recommend to social services the need for a carer 

I have thought of this before but my wife told me that she didn't want anyone else involved in my care

How would this actually work ?

I can crawl to the bathroom and "can" even crawl to the kitchen and put the kettle on - but, for example - cannot carry a tea cup or plate back to the living room

And when I have an "accident" in the bathroom - my wife cleaned it up

I cannot get my leg splint on myself - so cannot walk ANYWHERE !

Shopping is obviously totally impossible too

and when the doorbell goes - it is my wife who answered the door

janer1967

Maybe it's time for a rethink discuss it with your wife it would probably do you both some good and now you have your PIP you can use it to it's best 

Wibbles

janer1967 said:

Maybe it's time for a rethink discuss it with your wife it would probably do you both some good and now you have your PIP you can use it to it's best 

There is also the problem that we have considerable savings so are not entitled to any financial support from the LA!

I guess a care needs assesment would be a good idea anyway ?

my wife has not had a carers break ever (20 years every day)

Wibbles

Update

my LA only does care needs assessments for those entitled to financial help - really !

I have emailed one local carers organisation who replied straight away

"Thank you for your enquiry, I have forwarded this to our ******** branch this afternoon, where a senior member of the team will make contact with you to see if they have the capacity to take on new work.

Regrettably, adult social care is in a national recruitment crisis, which I am sure you are already aware of from watching and listening to the news, which is why I refer to the wording ‘capacity’.

 Doesn't look too promising does it  ?

Alex_Alumni

Hi @Wibbles I'm sorry to hear you've come up against this barrier to accessing care with your local authority.

Scope has lots of information about employing your own personal assistant (PA) or carer, if it would be useful to look into. 

I certainly think it would be good to have a chat with your wife about what's workable for you both in the long-term, give each other the chance to explain how you feel, and listen to each other, and then have a think about next steps. 

MarkM88

I don’t believe your LA are allowed to refuse to assess you, see here.. 

https://www.scie.org.uk/care-act-2014/assessment-and-eligibility/

Wibbles

MarkM88 said:

I don’t believe your LA are allowed to refuse to assess you, see here.. 

https://www.scie.org.uk/care-act-2014/assessment-and-eligibility/

Thanks for the link - I will keep trying

janer1967

You should be entitled to an assessment as it's not only for care needs but to assess if you need any aids or adaptions as well 

There are different types I think but hopefully what mark has provided will help 

Wibbles

janer1967 said:

You should be entitled to an assessment as it's not only for care needs but to assess if you need any aids or adaptions as well 

There are different types I think but hopefully what mark has provided will help 

A carers assesment too

Although I know that my wife will not accept one..
She has her own demond and health issues to deal with

Wibbles

The problems is that there is no obvious way of obtaining an assessment
Is it the responsibility of the LA or NHS

MarkM88

A needs assessment is the responsibility of the local authority.

Wibbles

MarkM88 said:

A needs assessment is the responsibility of the local authority

Thank - but they are using covid as an excuse for not carrying one out!! 

MarkM88

Unfortunately you will be on a waiting list. 

My mum waited 8 months for one. 

Wibbles

MarkM88 said:

Unfortunately you will be on a waiting list. 

My mum waited 8 months for one. 

Really?
People could die if they don't get the care that they need.
I can't even get a response from my LA.

I may try my GP to see if she can kick some ****

Tori_Scope

That certainly does sound really challenging @Wibbles, and it can be hard to get the support you need from local authorities. Speaking to your GP sounds like a good idea to me! Please also take a look at the resource Alex pointed you towards, in case any of that could be of help. 

Wibbles

I eventually heard from my local authority, telling me that they have passed me on to a private company - who told me that they had not got enough resources to even carry out an assessment on me or my wife, (carers assessment)

Where do we go from here ?

I guess my GP - Although my wife won't like that

poppy123456

Your GP would only refer her to your local Authority.

Lisatho11987777

You can have an assessment they have to do one your allowed to have 24,00 00 pound on savings they will asses you on the remaining amount and will put in a package on direct payments 

I have just gone through it myself with my mum who lives with me she was well over the threshold  but things have changed mum gets 400.00 a month towards her care which is better than nothing 

Wibbles

Lisatho11987777 said:

You can have an assessment they have to do one your allowed to have 24,00 00 pound on savings they will asses you on the remaining amount and will put in a package on direct payments 

I have just gone through it myself with my mum who lives with me she was well over the threshold  but things have changed mum gets 400.00 a month towards her care which is better than nothing 

What if you have over £24k.?