Having a bad week

Biblioklept

I'm so sorry @janer1967 I didn't mean to insinuate that I thought Toby was your carer. Young Carer's isn't just for those with direct caring responsibilities, it's in recognition of the challenges young people face when living with a family member that's disabled. So like for me, my brother's disabilities really limited days out and places we could go, both because of accessibility and because finances were tight growing up because both my parents couldn't work as one was caring for him. I didn't care for my brother or have obvious caring duties etc. And the 'care' I did give him I never once saw as care because I loved him and it is just stuff you do for family and the people you love. I'd never have considered myself a carer and I know many of the others that attended felt guilty being called such. It's a bit of a stupid name for the group in some ways!!
I just thought he'd be able to hang out with other people his age that wouldn't be as cruel as his 'friends'  

Honestly though, the fact he even told you what's going on speaks wonders for your relationship and how strong your bond is You're an amazing mum

janer1967

@Biblioklept I understand where you were coming from and no offence taken and welcome the suggestion 

He may not be my carer buf he is my rock and I will do anything I can to support him . I owe him my life as he rang 999 when I went into coma with sepsis which is another event he is now recalling and on his mind and something you wouldn't really want your 10 year old to witness 

My proudest mummy moments was when he was awarded a bravery award by ambulance service . 

Biblioklept

That must have been so scary for both of you I can't even imagine @janer1967!! What a brave boy you have  

Have you had any updates on your mum?

Binky1234

@janer1967 my youngest is 20 and when he was roughly 17 he just seemed to well not be himself and I just knew their was more too it than a moody teenager. As I have two sons so was experienced in the teenage boy hormones.

My son like your Toby was getting a hard time from so called friends and what I did when I realised he either was not willing to talk or just unable to express his emotions I bought him a note book and put it in his room with a letter saying Hi son as you know I love you and I'm worried about you, I realise something is unsettling you and it is breaking my heart that you cannot talk me. I was wondering if you want and only if you want no pressure, but if you feel up to it maybe write down how your feeling and I reply with a letter.

This worked as I got a long letter and we sorted it all out and I'm happy to say that my son is now 20 and has  found out who his true  friends are and more importantly he is who he is and very proud of who he is. He is in a wonderful relationship with his boyfriend with the full support of his family and friends ❤

With support anything is possible the problem is, it's trying to persuade a young mind that we have their back and are not too old to not understand the presuures of being a teenager. I'm so glad that Toby can talk to you.

A notebook for my sons feelings helped him put down on paper what he found hard to say in words. 

I hope you and Toby get through this tough patch.
Sending you both virtual hugs 🤗

csno01

Hi Janer
I am so sorry to hear you have had a tough week. I hope you can manage to get at least something sorted out. 

CSno01

Lisatho11987777

Counciling may help but he needs to want to do and there are long waiting lists do they have a facility in his school where Toby can talk to someone would Toby talk to the dr about how he is feeling the dr could get help and support .

If those boys go in the garden you should phone the police thats harassment . Is Toby still with his girlfriend  its a worrying time for you @janer1967

janer1967

@Binky1234 thanks that's a great idea 

L_Volunteer

How are things going for you at the moment @janer1967? I hope things are going better for you. If we can do anything to help though please don't hesitate to let us know. We are all here for you 

janer1967

Things are sorting themselves out @L_Volunteer after another bad week with tobys gf dumping hum 

He is coming ti terms with it now made sure he had a busy weekend 

Alex_Alumni

I've just been catching up @janer1967 as I was away when you posted this, I'm glad at least that Toby feels comfortable enough to be open with you and talk about his worries, that can be quite a rare thing. I'm sure you are doing more than enough for him, and he knows that. 

Keeping busy always helps during a difficult time like a break up, I know it's cliché, but time really is a healer there  

If you were looking for support around counselling for Toby in future, I'd encourage you/him to visit Young Minds, as well as talking to the school as others have helpfully suggested.

Take care this evening

leeCal

Hope everything goes well for you and Toby @janer1967.

if it’s any consolation my eldest has been having a lot of trouble with his girlfriend which has led him to some counselling recently...and he’s thirty five! Still my child though and still causes me to worry. I don’t think a caring parent ever really stops worrying about their children no matter how old.

janer1967

@leeCal thanks for that and sorry your son is having issues too 

I'm hoping toby is married off by then I've retired to Spain but your right will still worry about him 

I never signed up for being a single parent but hard as it can be we have each others back