Mental health

Evening All,

I have decided to come back for a short while, I’m going through a very difficult time at the moment. I’m constantly binge eating, I have crashed this week due to wanting to start to close the door to my past by starting no contest divorce proceedings against my ex wife, However to do this I’ve had to set up a temporary Facebook account to message my ex wife and all her family and friends to show as proof of my attempts at legally trying to find her home address which I do not know. I’ve been missing some night my antidepressants, from Thursday tea time until Saturday afternoon I just stayed in bed and didn’t want to move, I’m having some very dark thoughts at times to say the least but wouldn’t act on them, I’ve neglected both my personal care and my housework due to my fragile mental health which I’m embarrassed about! I’m awaiting a decision for an initial conversation with my local mental health team which will be a four to six weeks, I’m still on the waiting list for counselling alongside a social prescriber. My GP wants to see me on the 28th about my binge eating but I’ve asked for a different appointment due to a conflicting dentist appointment to see a butcher to have a broken wisdom tooth out which is scaring me and worrying me sick. As you can imagine with the divorce proceedings I don’t have the money for it and will have to seek legal aid, likewise for me drawing a a living will or a Lasting Power of Attorney. I’ve gone down the same road of burying my head in the sand to long until I’ve hit a brick wall, I’ve also think the last straw is me opening old wounds by wanting to start getting a divorce sorted out. Fair to say it sucks living alone with no life in the place apart from your own breathing or the hum of the fridge or the noise of the tv. Even just trying to do one small thing a day is so hard to do so at the moment, I can count in weeks and not days since I left my flat to go anywhere, it’s strange I still don’t refer to it as home, 7 months after taking over the tenancy or 6 months after living. I only refer to it as the flat or as a prison cell. My last home was with my ex wife and our dog, nothing will ever compare to that. I don’t have nothing to do with either my family or friends so life is lonely, more often now a hermits existence, rather than living.

Hi to everyone, please take care.

Thank You for your kind words Holly, I’ve kind of ripped the plaster off the chainsaw wound today, I’ve received my marriage certificate in the post, last night I contacted my ex wife, her family and friends to see if I could get her address as one of the steps to a divorce, shows how immature the ex father in law is, he just put a laughing emoji on it 🤬 then I had a message from her best friend who works in a law company as a secretary, telling me straight, why am I messaging people about the ex’s private business and she may not want it shared, that my solicitors would be able to make an application for her address! I was like stuff what you say, I’d already planned on keeping things amicable by applying for a no fault divorce, which means no part shares the blame, so today I’ve lodged formal proceedings to go ahead with divorce and also applied for legal funding to cover my costs. Push comes to shove I’ll initiate a £60 charge to have my ex served with papers at home or work. What’s annoying is I’ve had to send them to the old house I shared with her, knowing she lives on a street I used to work on. Fair to say it’s opened old memories and wounds

Opening the can of worms that is by applying for a divorce from my ex wife alongside having to message herself, her family and friends has just completely opened up or should I say just fired up a chainsaw and cut my already smashed heart into pieces 😢 it’s opened up all the bad memories, all the hurt my ex caused, all the lies and deceit as well as the way she dumped me. But it’s also triggered old wounds from my first marriage alongside all the harm done to me by my family over 32 years. I’m messaging my GP in the morning to get my Quetiapine put up to 200mg from 125mg. I’ve eaten late tonight so won’t be going to bed, push comes to shove, I may call the crisis line who I don’t have faith or trust in them or the system. Since 2023 leaving a mental health hospital, I have had just no proper mental health support, I’ve had two meetings with a dr in 15 months, a short stint of counselling until she upped and left, a social prescriber who also left but then they get a replacement and they end up on long term sick. I mean nobody gives two hoots about me! It was always me messaging friends to say how are you, hope you and the family are ok, but nobody ever bothered to message me, so there all blocked. I had proper psychiatric support at a children’s hospital in Manchester up to 1999 alongside a Social Worker, fair to say I was just cast out into the wild. Just close to giving up fighting, I’ve kind of just accepted my fate that I’m just going to be staying in my flat until they carry me out feet first, if I’m like my Mothers parents that will be in 13 to 15 years and if it’s like my fathers parents it’s in another 27 plus years unless I intervene.