Lasting Power of Attorney - Finances & Property - Advocacy

Roughyed1485 · May 24

This is a really hard for me to write 😔 I am at rock bottom and I’m scraping the sides of the barrel. I have struggled with both Mental and Physical Disabilities ever since my first breath. It’s fair to say that my life has been like the Himalayan Mountain Range and for the last five years I’ve been stuck on the Hilary Step on Mount Everest.

The last ten years has seen me having to sever all ties and communication with my family, I’ve lost the best thing to have ever happened to me, my 2nd wife and I’ve lost friends through either them being judgemental or opinionated, or as I have done over three months ago, I formally severed all ties to my friends for good.

I am battling to keep my head above water both mentally and physically to say the least. My ill judged and out of control spending on both take aways alongside easy to purchase items off Amazon mean I’m now putting bills off to the next month. I’ve set a strict budget out, but just can’t keep to it which I’m ashamed of to say the least.

I don’t leave my flat, unless it’s to put rubbish out or for the rare GP Visit or Hospital Visit, as it stands I’ve only travelled as far as my GP Surgery once in the last 3 months.

I am wanting to put in place a Lasting Power of Attorney for both my health and also my finances and property (bar the flat I rent) I’m scared stiff at the moment of how out of control I am with my finances, especially ordering take aways that I know will negatively impact my health. I am going out on a limb and saying that I lack the mental capacity to make sound decisions in regards to my finances.

I need someone such as an advocate or an independent body to act on my behalf as if anything happens to me where I lose mental capacity full stop with everything, then I have nobody to act on my best wishes.

I know a solicitor is out of the question as I am on state benefit of which I can’t afford to keep a Solicitor or Attorney on a long term retainer. I honestly do not know which way to turn at the moment, as I don’t know what’s up, what’s down, or what’s left and right. I feel like a ship in a force ten hurricane that’s lost all power and there is no light to guide me from the edge.

I rarely shower due to the fear of falling, I have just let myself become to comfortable in my surroundings, I struggle to leave my bed at times (which is not good for my health & wellbeing), I get angry and frustrated with myself all the time, I question every single decision that I make every minute of the day, I honestly hand on heart have lived with Death’s hand on my left shoulder since 1983, with him often saying you escaped in 1983 & 2020, but next time you won’t! I have already got a pay monthly non attendance cremation service set up and ready to pay for, when the time comes I’m not sure who would be able to act on my behalf.

I don’t want to take myself to hospital and be admitted into a mental health unit as it would jeopardise my independence and also the tenancy on my flat.
I am in communication with my mental health team, I’ve been waiting 7 months for a social prescriber alongside private counselling, then add on a referral to Psychology by the mental health team (Derby Wellbeing Team)

Since I left a multi occupancy house where I had 4 hours a week with a support worker, I’ve just gone backwards, rather than going forward. I’ve reverted back to the scared child I was in the 1990’s, I honestly hate admitting I need help, I have stubbornly as usual just gone with “I can do this myself, I don’t need anyone’s help” But in all honesty that’s exactly what I do need as living alone truly sucks! I’ve only ever lived with my parents and two ex wives in the last 41+ years, I’ve always been fiercely independent and always rushed into things like a Bull in a China Shop! But now I’ve regressed back into the child & adult that isolated himself behind closed doors away from the world.

I just don’t know how I would set up a lasting power of attorney or a living will, or have a suitable person to act on my best wishes. If something bad happened to me, I wouldn’t want any life saving measures carried out, I would want my organs donated, as for my finances I honestly feel that I’m lacking mental capacity now due to my mental health conditions due to my erratic behaviour when it comes to money. I am just asking for Help and Advice, even a small crumb of advice would be welcomed. I think next week I am going to make an appointment with my GP to have a formal DNR placed into my medical records as quite frankly, every minute of the day I don’t want to be alive, let alone waking up the next day. I’m sorry if this essay makes for very hard and brutal reading, I’m just a shadow of who I once was.

That’s who I used to be 😔

this is the person that I don’t recognise and know at all 😭

MW123 · May 24

@Roughyed1485

I am really sorry to hear what you’re going through right now. It sounds incredibly difficult, but I truly believe that with the right support, you’ll start to get back on track.

Have you thought about getting in touch with Mind? They’re a charity that helps people dealing with mental health struggles, and they offer advice for people facing financial difficulties because of it. They might also be able to advise you on your Lasting Power of Attorney questions, especially since I know you're not in a position to afford legal fees right now.

The person you were in those pictures, the ones out there enjoying life and living fully, that person is still there. You’ve been through a lot, but I believe you can find your way back to that place, even if it’s one small step at a time. Take care xx

Rosie_Scope · May 25

Hi @Roughyed1485, It must have been so difficult to write this post so I wanted to say thank you for sharing everything with us when it must feel so heavy and overwhelming. I think my colleagues have sent you an email with some resources so please just get in touch if we can help support you any further.

As MW123 mentioned in their thoughtful post above, that person in the pictures is still you even if he feels far away at the moment. The fact that you're having a difficult time now doesn't take away the person you were and still are inside. Even just writing these posts and reaching out shows such bravery. I know that accepting that you need help can be really hard when you're feeling so rough, I've definitely been guilty of being extra hard on myself when I'm in a dark place! So you've made a huge step already.

Would the multi-occupancy house with the support worker be something you'd be able to go back to? I'd understand if that's not an option at the moment, I hope you don't mind me asking about it.

I'm afraid I don't know much about living wills or power of attorney, but there are some advocacy services that might be able to help point you in the right direction:

POhWER Homepage

VoiceAbility | Advocacy and involvement

Many of us will have been through times where we question ourselves and grieve over things we used to be able to do, I'm sure a lot of your post resonates with other members even if they don't feel able to reply right now. It's never easy, but you're not alone here.

We're all here if you need to rant or just want to chat about whatever's on your mind.

If you feel up to it, it may be worth chatting to your GP about how you've been feeling. They might have some more options for support that could help take some of the weight off.

Take care, I hope things start feeling a little easier soon.

Roughyed1485 · May 25

Thank You all for your kind words, I’ve just been watching the Monaco F1 Race and Chelsea match so far today. Feeling washed out and exhausted. I’ve just physically overridden two direct debits and a standing order on my bank. Paid my council tax, phone bill and some money towards my holiday. At least by doing a physical payment instead of having the money in the account removed temptation. I’m going to be doing an office day on Tuesday, ringing up people to cancel off my Direct Debits and that I’m going to make physical card payments going bar a few key bills I’ll keep as Direct Debit. I’m going to ring my mental health team to see if they can refer me to a local advocacy firm that I’ve been requesting for quite a while now. I just have to take things one minute at a time, rather than overthinking things which is harder said than done. I think that because I don’t physically talk to anyone or have private counselling has really made my internal filing system to become overloaded and burnt out!
Im going to try and put into place a system where I wake each morning, have my meds, do a gentle workout, then do housework on a single room in the house before having a shower and having a small breakfast, before then having dinner and then nothing else for the rest of the day and go to bed at 8pm at night so I get into some sort of routine each day.

Agnia · May 26

Hi @Roughyed1485 ,

Please i want to write to you that I’m really truly sorry for your losses in your life and to thank you for sharing your feelings here, and for sharing your photos here, and what you are going through in your life journey and for writing about yourself on this forum, i wish you a peaceful Monday bank holiday today, and nice evening and a good night rest later and I’m sending all my best wishes to you , please take care of yourself the best you can for the time being, best wishes.

Kind regards.

Roughyed1485 · May 27

Thank you all for your kind words and advice. I’ve rang around my utility companies this morning and have switched mostly everything to card payment so as to lessen the affect of impulse buying or ordering take aways left right and centre. Today is another quiet day, my stomach has flared up yet again - which doesn’t surprise me with all the junk I’ve been eating, but on the other hand I’ve consciously done it knowing the food I was eating would irritate my stomach. It’s not good when you see small drops of blood in your bile, which is probably down to irritation. I’ve also decided to formally close the door on my hiking and camping days due to my disabilities, I have decided to donate my hiking and camping gear to a local Grammar School for there Duke of Edinburgh scheme, a way of me giving back after me first being introduced to both while at boarding school.

I was also caught off guard by my divorce court contacting me to say my ex wife had responded to my petition. Thankfully she has signed the paperwork and agreed to it, just have to wait now until September to file for a Conditional Order and then later a Final Order (as long as it doesn’t come with Storm Troopers) that will be hopefully another bolt to shut the door on the past. Which will hopefully just leave me to work on things in my head alongside my body as well.

Rosie_Scope · May 27

It sounds like you're making some positive changes already @Roughyed1485. It must have been a shock to get the divorce update, but as you say, hopefully once it's all over it'll give you some more head space to focus on other things.

Fingers crossed your stomach settles soon and that there are some better days ahead 💛

Lasting Power of Attorney - Finances & Property - Advocacy

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