How is your day going?

I understand I really do this to shall pass it's been non stop look how well you are doing volunteering and handling uc everything will pass and become more manageable it's ever decreasing circles as they say I hope you have a restful day you deserve too be kind to yourself your not alone

sun is out but i just too down to even open the blinds or the window. i just too down.

i am watching the boring try and i probably will until it is time to go to bed. anyway

very sad i did not win the lotto yesterday. and congratulations to whoever won. On Tuesday is the euromillions , well you never know. i hope to win something from all the stuff i play but i am not sure i will probably never happen.

take care and have a nice day. i just need a way out because i do not trust the system will keep feeding me and for that i am scared…….

night night.. i just not sure what it will happen tomorrow.. my gp is ignoring me. i emailed the clinic as i need medication to be ready before the emergency medication runs out. i hate having to get to have things done. i think he believes i have medication left when i am not. i hope this can be sorted. i do have emergency medication because of the pharmacy so i hope the top up comes before this runs out.

i am hoping the universal credit will be adjusted with that message i wrote in the uc journal. but i am not sure. this is all fighting and fighting and as i state before i have no energy left i am exhausted of overthinking and the fear of what it will happen.. i have to change my mindset but it is so hard. if medication is not coming i might have to stop it abruptly as i do not think my pharmacy will give me more emergency medication .. i will see as i said i am sick of all this fighting. mediction is not really working so probably i would be better off not being on it.. neither the mental nor the pain medication is working ….

I had a panic attack and just woke up. i checked my bank app and i got a payment from UC.

Now i had also one payment a few days ago of New Style ESA. .Now are both payments suppose to be equal amounts or two different amounts to make it to 609 pounds. My first payment from ESA was 281.10 so i suppose the other payment will be of 327.9 right. because if the second payment is also of 281.10 i will be losing money. my universal credit says i will be getting 609 on esa. so i hope this is the case.. this is just too much anxiety it creates anxiety over and over again. i asked in my journal about the deduction of my payment if the money i had is not accounted for a year.. they said you will not have the money taken in one some itll will be split in small payments.. . but i do not get it. until this month pass i will not be sure how much money i will be getting. so distressing. i hope i will be able to go back to sleep.

and that short message also disappeared. iam just feel like i need a break. that was a very important message. i have done nothing to my computer or my phone and i just do not understand why it is happening . i will try to go back and write that important message tomorrow. well in a few hours time. … very distressing

Good morning all

I feel lethargic and sluggish this morning

Good morning . I had a terrible night. I am feeling very tired but I' have stuff to do today.. I will try to rewrite the long message a wrote down and it disappeared. Anyways... I am feeling really dowm and hopeless I hope my volunteering day makes it a bit better but I don't feel like dealing with another long day.

I am so sorry you've had a difficult night @Schildpad. Just please know that the volunteers that I've had helping me at appointments have made the difference between me being able to attend, or not. I wish I was able to either work, or at least volunteer at the moment but I cannot. You must always do the best though for you and your health right now. That surely has to be your priority. Take very good care, thinking of you and hugs to you too 🤗 🫂.

No heatwave here

Sun only just got out

21 degrees

It is at times hard to deal with everything. Monday's is only for us so no clients. We create workshop well we think of workshops etc.. it is rather difficult to deal with people at times I do not want to wake up it is hard.. yesterday I had a message written here and the message disappeared in thin air. Now I am worry on why do messages disappear... It is all a struggle and for some people is ok for me is a mountain...

I am having a rough time now because my GP is giving me a hard time. I feel like I might be forced to stop my medication. Why is he doing this to me. I have no more energy left. .. I hope he does. But I do not trust him.. i am not sure what will happen if i am being forced to stop my medication. anyway .. nothing seem to be ok.. and i just can not have more in my plate.