Wife/Carer going into hospital - what to do ?

Wibbles
Wibbles Online Community Member Posts: 3,182 Championing
edited December 2025 in Families and carers

My wife/carer may have to go to hospital (her shoulders and hips are bad) - what would I do ?

She is currently at her GP.

Bearing in mind that I am virtually immobile and can't speak on the phone either - I am useless at virtually everything else that I try….

I also would be unable to visit her in hospital - because of my poor mobility (I could neither get TO hospital or get AROUND the hospital (wheelchair).

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Comments

  • OverlyAnxious
    OverlyAnxious Online Community Member Posts: 5,598 Championing

    I don't really have any answers but this is something that concerns me a lot now. I live alone and just about manage very basic tasks day to day. But am now completely reliant on one other person for all food and even clean underwear. They also manage any other tasks that require driving or speaking to anyone. If (or rather when!) anything happens to them, I honestly don't know how I would manage for more than a few days. I just have to keep hoping I 'go' before they do!

    On the point about the hospital though, if you could get yourself there via car or taxi, I'm sure they have porters that would help push your wheelchair to the ward where your wife is. I collected my Grandad from hospital a few years ago and hadn't spent any time in a hospital for years as they are pretty much my worst nightmare! He told us he could walk but it quickly became apparent he couldn't walk the whole way and had to keep stopping. I didn't know what to do and we just kept stopping and starting. Then when we got near the door I realised there were loads of empty wheelchairs and a sign offering a porter service! Too late for us by that point but good to know for future reference.

  • PhilG111
    PhilG111 Online Community Member Posts: 27 Contributor

    If you Wife is registered as your primary carer, then the GP/Hospital can arrange for a Carer/PA to come and assist you a couple times a day for the time your wife is in hospital.

    Else your Local Hospital may have a commissioned service such as the Red Cross that do a Check in service and can arrange to visit and help coordinate things like getting help etc… assuming of course that is what you would like.

    Should your mobility be an issue to and from the hospital. Assuming you can transfer to a wheelchair, a number of Councils have contacts with regards to Charity based community transport schemes or a Wheelchair Taxi's could be arranged. Once there a Porter or even a volunteer will likely be around to assist getting you to her bedside.

    Unfortunately speaking on the Phone, is somewhat of a necessity, perhaps you have friends or family that could assist at least with booking transport? or speaking to whomever?

    This of course all assumes that you have some mobility. If not and your bedbound, there are alternatives, such as a Respite facility or Nursing Home as temporary measure whilst your Wife recovers and a Package of care can be arranged for when you and your wife is at home, so some of the pressure has been taken off her.

  • Rachel_Scope
    Rachel_Scope Posts: 2,828 Scope Online Community Coordinator

    Just to add to what Phil has said, here is some more information on your options https://carers.org/taking-care-of-yourself/help-when-a-carer-has-to-go-into-hospital It recommends that you get in touch with your local adult social services department to discuss options. It also has advice for your wife on what to do when she returns home to recover.

    When will you find out if she needs to go into hospital? I hope it's not necessary.

  • Wibbles
    Wibbles Online Community Member Posts: 3,182 Championing
    edited December 2025

    OK she's back - she hasn't been to her GP for almost 15 years because last time they virtually told her to lose weight.

    This time it was EXERCISE - TAKE PARACETAMOLS AND STOP DOING THINGS THAT HURT.

    How can she stop doing everything that hurts ?

    That means - sitting stationary in a seat and not going shopping or cleaning or cooking etc

    Her GP is a joke - my wife has arthritis and has had it since the age of 20 !

  • PhilG111
    PhilG111 Online Community Member Posts: 27 Contributor

    That sadly pretty much sums up almost any visit you have to the GP with back ache..

    Back aches take an inordinate amount of GP's time and its virtually impossible to prove compared to say a open wound or a broken limb (Though I have seen some crazy things)..

    There is various exercise programmes available via the Nhs site, and you can even refer yourself to a physio without going through the GP, though there is a bit of a wait unfortunately. But in the mean time there are the Exercises, I dont have them to hand, but they are low impact exercises that have helped me in the past and are readily accessible and dont require much beyond 15 spare minutes.

    Cant speak to the Arthritis part I'm afraid. I'm sure others will be able suggest something?

  • StarryEyed
    StarryEyed Online Community Member Posts: 729 Pioneering

    @Wibbles have you considered now might be a good time to set up a plan for a future situation where your wife can't take care of you? It sounds like it would be easier for her to set it up now, rather than when she's incapacitated and you're alone.

  • Wibbles
    Wibbles Online Community Member Posts: 3,182 Championing

    This has concerned me for some time - where do I start ?

    We have "savings" so the Local Authority are not remotely interested in helping…………

  • Kimi87
    Kimi87 Online Community Member Posts: 8,170 Championing
    edited December 2025

    You have received extensive advice on the subject in the past from quite a few people here & elsewhere.

  • michael57
    michael57 Online Community Member Posts: 1,961 Championing

    i am sure you could pay for some help for a couple of hours a day during the week through your own private funds making your and your wifes life a bit easier

  • StarryEyed
    StarryEyed Online Community Member Posts: 729 Pioneering
    edited December 2025

    If indeed you have already received extensive advice on this subject as @Kimi87 says, perhaps the best answer to your question now as to "Where do I start?" could be to answer the question "Why don't I start?"

  • Wibbles
    Wibbles Online Community Member Posts: 3,182 Championing
  • StarryEyed
    StarryEyed Online Community Member Posts: 729 Pioneering

    I know. That's my point. It's not a simple question. But for me it was the key question in finally starting to set up my emergency plans. Perhaps it's a good question for you too? Or maybe not. It's just a suggestion as to where to start.

  • Wibbles
    Wibbles Online Community Member Posts: 3,182 Championing

    I had a Care Needs Assessment from my LA a couple of years ago and that was a total waste of time - the woman who carried it out was not adequately trained and couldn't use her tablet properly - so I had to do the typing for her - she spoke poor English too….

    My wife/carer will NOT accept a Carers Assessment. full stop.

    I may request a CNA again - that's a start

    But since we do have savings - we are entitled to diddly squat from the LA.

  • OverlyAnxious
    OverlyAnxious Online Community Member Posts: 5,598 Championing

    It's not really about the money in my case. I honestly have no idea who I could ask to get me a bag of food shopping or launder my bedding, let alone someone to clean up undesirable 'spills' on the floor. I was basically told by my LA that they only help people prep a basic meal and wash/dress. Was told I'd have to seek private help for anything else and should post an advert myself, but that seems incredibly dangerous, especially since I can't speak, and not knowing anything about the background or qualifications of anyone who would apply. As I said before, I'm just hoping to go before my situation gets any worse as I can't see any realistic way of accessing the type of help that I need, even with plenty of savings.

  • Wibbles
    Wibbles Online Community Member Posts: 3,182 Championing

    Same with me - I could probably get "things" delivered to my front door - by Deliveroo (or similar) but from that point onwards, I am stuck !!

    Similar problems - can't speak too well (can't use the phone) - totally immobile, except for wheelchair

  • OverlyAnxious
    OverlyAnxious Online Community Member Posts: 5,598 Championing

    Even deliveries don't work when you can't get to the door to sign for them. (At least not where I live). I've got signs up outside and even tried contacting couriers etc online but still so many items end up getting sent miles away to a post office or just returned to sender. I did try two different supermarket deliveries but neither were successful so I'm now reliant on just one older relative to get my shopping.

    I'm not totally immobile fortunately but live with frequent vertigo so can't predict exactly when I'll be able to walk around the flat, let alone being able to get up and down the stairs outside.