Our Son is nine and Autistic. My husband is ...

@woodstock1969, leave the husband at home 😉

Just kidding, but it might be worth your husband exploring why he feels so strongly about these situations. He may need some support in understanding that your son isn’t able to control these reactions, and that this is his way of communicating his needs.

I think a lot of us are raised to worry about how things look to others, especially when it comes to parenting or safety. It sounds like your husband cares deeply, but that these moments maybe make him feel out of control.

It’s also worth keeping in mind that kids, especially autistic children, are incredibly sensitive to the energy around them. If your husband is feeling anxious, embarrassed, or tense, there’s a good chance your son is picking up on that, which can make those moments more intense or last longer.

It might help to reframe these situations as your son communicating that he’s overwhelmed, rather than doing something “wrong.” The calmer and more grounded you both can be, the more it can help him regulate too.

That’s not easy, of course, most of us are still learning how to regulate ourselves as adults.

Your husband’s discomfort in these situations just shows he’s still working on that skill too, and your son’s reactions are simply the child version of the same struggle.

Does your husband have anyone other than you he can talk to about how he's feeling?

Maybe during quiet times it could help for you and your husband to discuss ways to approach these situations together, so you are addressing your son in a consistent way and working on the same page.