Is it ok for a guy to want to hook up with a girl that is mentally a teenager?

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Comments

  • Stellar
    Stellar Community Member Posts: 473 Pioneering

    Stop trying to hook up. Hookups are hellish for people without intellectual disabilities; it's pretty much impossible for ID people unless they can mask their ID.

    Meet people in person organically to date and pursue serious relationships instead. that way, when you do have sex, you know they'll accept and understad you.

  • Community_Scope
    Community_Scope Posts: 2,279 Online Community Team

    Hi @dancerxoxo96, we're going to send you an email shortly. Please keep an eye out for it

  • dancerxoxo96
    dancerxoxo96 Community Member Posts: 25 Listener

    Why are hookups hellish for people with intellectual disabilities? And how is it impossible?

  • dancerxoxo96
    dancerxoxo96 Community Member Posts: 25 Listener

    Why do they feel not to have sex with them due to their disability?

  • Stellar
    Stellar Community Member Posts: 473 Pioneering

    Dating is hellish for anybody in a marginalised group due to discrimination and ignorance. for some people, it's impossible depending on their specific circumstances, such as ID people trapped under a guardianship.

    but also, anyone who is obsessed or desperate for sex/romance, regardless of whether they're ID or not, will struggle to date, as desperation and obsession are instant turn offs. and it's increasingly clear you fall in this camp, hence why the Scope mods have just emailed you with a welfare check.

  • dancerxoxo96
    dancerxoxo96 Community Member Posts: 25 Listener

    How is it impossible for some people if they are on medical guardianship? Why do some guys not want to hook up with a girl under medical guardianship? Some do but it’s very few.

  • Stellar
    Stellar Community Member Posts: 473 Pioneering

    People don't want to navigate the issues of consent and capacity that disabled people under medical guardianship face. They'll choose people who don't have these issues.

    Moreover, people seeking hookups seek discretion. They don't want anyone else to know, especially if it involves asking a third party for permission, such as the legal guardian of an ID person.

    It's very unlikely you'll be able to hook up. The sooner you accept this the better off you'll be. I think the Scope mods should lock this thread to help you move forward.

  • dancerxoxo96
    dancerxoxo96 Community Member Posts: 25 Listener
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    My therapist said I could still have sex under medical guardianship so I think you might be wrong about this. And with medical guardianship they can still consent to sex. How could they still have sex then. What are your thoughts? They do anyway.

  • Stellar
    Stellar Community Member Posts: 473 Pioneering

    Just because your therapist says you consent to sex under medical guardianship doesn't mean others want to have sex with you, nor can you make them. Everything I said before still stands.

  • surfygoose
    surfygoose Community Member Posts: 542 Empowering
    edited May 4

    Just telling you my personal experience here, which will not be the same for everyone, but I eventually found true love 18 months ago (I am 39 years old). What has worked out for me is that my girlfriend is in a similar situation to me. We both are autistic. I live in a care home with my support staff helping me. She lives with her mum and has a support worker who takes her out a few days per week. We don’t have a power imbalance, we are both aware of each other’s limitations with our disabilities. There are good relations between our parents on both sides and staff. I am not in any way saying that disabled and non-disabled people can’t successfully date each other. Many do. I am just saying that sometimes with certain support needs it can be really positive meeting someone similar because also we are on the same wavelength, for instance we both have our strong obsessions with our interests and both enjoy doing some activities that not all non-disabled adults would enjoy, like being taken to go on the swings or inflatable slides and special needs sessions at soft play places. I think having compatibility in those sorts of areas can be really helpful.

  • Stellar
    Stellar Community Member Posts: 473 Pioneering

    That's lovely to hear surfygoose. Glad you both met each other and have support networks.

    It's worth adding that what you have is different to what OP is looking for, as hookups are fundamentally the opposite of true love relationships. If she pivoted towards looking for deeper connections like what you have, she's more likely to find someone.

  • surfygoose
    surfygoose Community Member Posts: 542 Empowering

    Yes I agree Stellar.