Is it ok for a guy to want to hook up with a girl that is mentally a teenager?
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Not everyone has a love life, and the hard truth is that none of us has an entitlement to one. I will never say that is a desirous situation to be in.
If my counsel counts for anything, I say to concentrate on making friends and having fun days out; if that leads to anything more, then that's a bonus.
(The first reply got caught in the spam filter, I didn't mean to Labour the point).
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Why? Because by ignoring and ghosting me they have their assumptions about me and thinking that they will take advantage when it’s not true! Other girls won’t have this problem because they aren’t disabled they are ghosted for other reasons it’s not fair!
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It is true because people that aren’t mentally disabled are ghosted for other reason and for me guys are afraid of taking advantage of me and that’s why they ghost other girls don’t have to deal with that. This ruins me having sex with them
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Come on now, try not to think like that. If I have learned anything, it's that life certainly isn't fair. Maybe hooking up with random men isn't the be all and end all?
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yeah you may be right and my mom lectured me on how it’s “wrong” for me to hook up with random men because it’s not “normal”. Should I listen to her or she’s being controlling?
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One cannot speak for everyone.. it really is down to the individual and having a relationship with someone with disabilities is not something everyone will be open to. Moral compass is different for everyone.
For specific reasons you would need to ask those that ghosted directly.
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Why do you think most people don’t want to be in relationships with someone who has a mental disability? And some have no problem with it?
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You don’t want to put yourself in those situations. I agree with your Mum. Safeguarding you will feel like control.. but it is better to be safe.
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Yeah but you can ask if he is free from STD
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True but what if he lies? What about pregnancy? If you don't know anything about him other than what he tells you he may be really dangerous.
If you want a relationship that isn't just about sex, could you go out with friends and meet people who have similar interests to you - maybe some hobbies you enjoy or would like to try? Or do you have any friends who could maybe help you to meet someone they know?
Even in a no-strings relationship based on sex, one person can begin to have feelings for the other, which are not reciprocated.
If you do meet up with new people alone at least you could let a trusted friend or family member know where you are going and with whom. For safety reasons. This is sound advice for everyone.
I know it can seem as though everyone else is finding the dating game easier than you. But people can encounter all different kinds of problems and are rejected or ignored for all kinds of different reasons.
Whatever you decide to do I hope you ensure you stay safe.
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Stop trying to hook up. Hookups are hellish for people without intellectual disabilities; it's pretty much impossible for ID people unless they can mask their ID.
Meet people in person organically to date and pursue serious relationships instead. that way, when you do have sex, you know they'll accept and understad you.
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Hi @dancerxoxo96, we're going to send you an email shortly. Please keep an eye out for it
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Why are hookups hellish for people with intellectual disabilities? And how is it impossible?
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Why do they feel not to have sex with them due to their disability?
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Dating is hellish for anybody in a marginalised group due to discrimination and ignorance. for some people, it's impossible depending on their specific circumstances, such as ID people trapped under a guardianship.
but also, anyone who is obsessed or desperate for sex/romance, regardless of whether they're ID or not, will struggle to date, as desperation and obsession are instant turn offs. and it's increasingly clear you fall in this camp, hence why the Scope mods have just emailed you with a welfare check.
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How is it impossible for some people if they are on medical guardianship? Why do some guys not want to hook up with a girl under medical guardianship? Some do but it’s very few.
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People don't want to navigate the issues of consent and capacity that disabled people under medical guardianship face. They'll choose people who don't have these issues.
Moreover, people seeking hookups seek discretion. They don't want anyone else to know, especially if it involves asking a third party for permission, such as the legal guardian of an ID person.
It's very unlikely you'll be able to hook up. The sooner you accept this the better off you'll be. I think the Scope mods should lock this thread to help you move forward.
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Just because your therapist says you consent to sex under medical guardianship doesn't mean others want to have sex with you, nor can you make them. Everything I said before still stands.
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Just telling you my personal experience here, which will not be the same for everyone, but I eventually found true love 18 months ago (I am 39 years old). What has worked out for me is that my girlfriend is in a similar situation to me. We both are autistic. I live in a care home with my support staff helping me. She lives with her mum and has a support worker who takes her out a few days per week. We don’t have a power imbalance, we are both aware of each other’s limitations with our disabilities. There are good relations between our parents on both sides and staff. I am not in any way saying that disabled and non-disabled people can’t successfully date each other. Many do. I am just saying that sometimes with certain support needs it can be really positive meeting someone similar because also we are on the same wavelength, for instance we both have our strong obsessions with our interests and both enjoy doing some activities that not all non-disabled adults would enjoy, like being taken to go on the swings or inflatable slides and special needs sessions at soft play places. I think having compatibility in those sorts of areas can be really helpful.
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