Grief and strength
Hellooooo ❤️
Sorry it's been forever since I've been about. I don't see many posters I recognise anymore so most of you probably won't know or recognise my name but I used to be very active on here (previous account with same name).
I've had a pretty rubbish year with broken bones and accidents as well as a few health issues, then more recently my father passed away suddenly. It hit me, hard.
It's one of those weird things where I realised despite being almost 40 I'm still a kid who just wants their parents and their approval and it's been a weird time for me.
One small, sort of positive, is that I've found a quiet strength in it all. It's made me more determined to start living and experiencing life. I don't know what will come of that or how exactly it will look, but it's strange what grief does and that things we learn about ourselves in it!
Anyway, sorry for the ramble and much love to everyone ❤️
Comments
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Hi @Biblioklept lovely to see you posting.
I am so sorry for your loss, it can be devasting dealing with a sudden death. The following link might be of interest to you.
I look forward to seeing you around more.
Take care.
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Thank you @Bluebell21!! I'm happy to see you're still here ❤️
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It's lovely to see you posting again.
I lost my Mum in February so I understand how you are feeling. With my Dad living abroad and being useless, it's a been big adjustment to my life effectively without parents and going from seeing family regularly to rarely - I'm also roughly your age 😊
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Welcome back @Biblioklept 🤗 I'm here!
At any age, losing a parent can be devastating. I had to face my 50th birthday as an adult orphan and it hurt. My main comfort was that I'd known them both and wasn't adopted - I imagine it must be even harder not knowing where you came from and how you got to be you.
Holly left Scope quite recently.
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Hi @Biblioklept, it's so lovely to have you back. I'm sorry to hear that you've had such a difficult time but it's wonderful that something positive has come from it. I look forward to seeing you around the community 😊
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Good morning, @Biblioklept, and welcome back. I'm sorry for your health struggles and for the terrible loss of your father. Here is some softness headed your way.... ❤️
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So sorry to hear about your dad and the absolute nightmare of a year you've had. That feeling of just wanting your parents never really goes away, no matter how old we get, so don't be hard on yourself for feeling like a kid again.
It’s really amazing that you're finding that quiet strength through all the grief, though. Taking that drive to actually start living and taking it one day at a time is huge. Welcome back to the forum, and sending lots of love your way
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Welcome back @Biblioklept, always nice to see your name pop up! Sorry to hear you've had such a rough year, that all sounds like a lot to cope with. And grief is such a weird thing to navigate, but I'm glad you're finding some positives in it somewhere. Hope you're managing okay at the moment ☺️
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Good morning.
Welcome back.
I'm very sorry to hear of your loss and your health struggles.
Take care.
💕
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Aww thank you @Kimi87, I'm sorry you're going through this and for the loss of your mum! It's a weird feeling isn't it? I feel too old to need a parent but also like I need one more than ever.
I think we're at an odd age too.
People I knew from school are at all different stages of life, some are parents to newborns, some are grandparents, some are single, some married, some at the peak of their careers and some starting a new one. Then some of us orphaned and others still with grand and even great grandparents!!
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Hey @WhatThe, awesome to see you're still about too! You're so right and one of the things I keep thinking is how lucky I was to have lost him at this age rather than as a young child or never to have known him at all.
I hadn't seen that Holly had left! 😔
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I'm honestly overwhelmed by all the lovely messages, thank you all so much!
I'm glad you're still here @Rachel_Scope! How is your little one? She must be approaching nearly 2 now right??
@StarryEyed, thank you ❤️ that picture is beautiful and there's something so precious about bubbles and that kind of lighting!!
Aw @louisowen01 that's so kind of you! I always thought of myself as so independent, I left home very young but now I want them more than ever 😔 Thank you for your understanding and kind words!
Thank you @Rosie_Scope! Is anything new with you??
That's so kind of you @luvpink!! How have you been? 💕
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Nothing exciting to report at all @Biblioklept, same as always! But thanks for asking ☺️
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It's been nearly 20 years since my mum passed and I still find myself wishing I could pick up the phone and talk to her.
Sending you love and strength @Biblioklept.
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I was weepy by the time I'd read down to Emilee's post last night..
Grief and loss are so difficult to face alone and I wonder if you have any family support at all @Biblioklept ? I remember you also had a dysfunctional childhood and strained relations! Did you manage to see your father while he was in hospital and did you attend the funeral?
I feel bad for not acknowledging your loss @Kimi87 in February and I'm sorry.
Bereavement counselling gave me some release from, and structure to, my new reality and I'd recommend it to anyone.
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Hi @Biblioklept, sorry it's taken me a while to reply. Wow, yes she will be 2 in December! That's so sweet that you remembered 😊 She is doing really well at nursery, she's saying more words each day and is wanting to become more independent which can be a bit of a struggle sometimes 😅 My son has just started college so I'm dealing with both extremes!
It's really lovely to have you back 😊
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Hi @Biblioklept it was lovely to see you active on the forum this morning and I don't want you to feel obliged to return to me on this thread. Bereavement is always a difficult topic to face and there's no rush to do so. You're such a friendly member and it's important to find distractions so please ignore my post and pick up with Rachel 💜
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I'm not sure I could access counselling, I've tried in the past for my other issues but was always discharged as I couldn't guarantee I'd be able to get out to go (if I was, I wouldn't have needed the counselling!) but I've been reading lots of support things online.
I have a very very large family (lots of siblings and step relations!) but relationships are strained all round, for a lot of reasons. I've been occasionally messaging one of my sisters and my youngest brother, but it's very superficial.
My dad never wanted a funeral and opted for direct cremation, I always completely understood his decision and he spoke about it for many years even before he was very unwell, but being on this side of it, it's hard as there's no real goodbye and doesn't feel final. I'm not sure I'd have been able (or allowed!) to attend anyway but it's been weird knowing there was just nothing, sort of like he never existed.
Thank you so much for your kind words and support, I really am sorry you've experienced this too. I know realistically everyone goes through grief at some point but it still feels very isolating!
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I'm not sure if my experience will make you feel a little bit better
My granny was the opposite of your dad! She had a very traditional funeral in a church then we went on to the crematorium and then to a wake
Several months later we just had a burial of her ashes with her just her 4 immediate family members and the vicar
My mum was devastated by losing my granny but she said the funeral just felt like a sort of performance for the extended family. She she felt like there was a silent expectation that she to do it exactly right. She wasn't really getting the most out of the day herself; her job was to make sure it went smoothly so everyone else's expectations were fulfilled. Almost like she was putting on a show for everyone.
The burial of the ashes was much more meaningful to us as we felt like it was for our benefit, not everyone else's, and we had the time and opportunity to reflect in our own way
I think what I'm saying is that having your own thoughts at a time that's achievable for you can be as meaningful as a big event, if not much more so
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We all grieve differently. He will always be with you in your heart.
Perhaps do your own good bye. Light a candle and talk to him, tell him how much you are missing him and anything else you want to say.
Be kind to yourself while you grieve.
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