Hello from a Dad who wants to support his son to the best of my abilities

DadSteve74
DadSteve74 Community Member Posts: 2 Listener
edited September 7 in Families and carers

Hi all,

Ive got a 12 Yr old who we recently started to homeschool. The struggles are there, small upsetting events cam lead to meltdowns and larger issues can be explosive meltdowns. I see adhd as a super power just need to understand how best to help him. Fpr instance teaching him to boil an egg because it firstly fell on the floor amd second attempt the egg broke when peeling led to sudden tears, feeling of failure and propane outbursts. Ive learnt to let him settle when these happen but how do I build resilience in him so that even small things can be overcooked at first. Advice welcome from a dad who wants to do his best

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  • DadSteve74
    DadSteve74 Community Member Posts: 2 Listener

    Ps meant to write overcome not over cooked

  • Mary_Scope
    Mary_Scope Posts: 5,670 Scope Online Community Children and Family Specialists

    Hi @DadSteve74 and a warm welcome to the community from me!

    How is home schooling going?

    A good way to help build resilience is to try normalising mistakes before you even start a task by casually reminding him that not being able to do something perfectly straight away is expected.

    This can also help take pressure off and help rejection sensitive dysphoria which people with ADHD are likely to have. Have you come across that term before?

    It also may be helpful to model calm reactions to your own everyday mistakes For example casually and calmly wiping up spilled coffee without getting annoyed, so your son can learn what a low stakes recovery looks like by physically seeing it in real time.

    It sounds like you're doing everything you can to help support your son and it's great that he has you in his corner!

  • Biblioklept
    Biblioklept Community Member Posts: 673 Trailblazing

    I'm not a parent but I was a kid very similar to how you've described your child, and if I'm honest I still find it hard when things don't go to plan! I'm not sure there's ever a way to fully fix it, as a neurodivergent kid you spend your life feeling different and inferior and when things go wrong, it feels like confirmation. You feel rejected and judged but those witnessing it and also reject yourself too!

    One thing I will say is that how the people around me reacted to mistakes or small issues massively influenced how I reacted. Mine was a wayyyy amped up version of theirs, but no child has the ability to fully regulate and it's even harder for one with ADHD.

    If I find myself getting worked up as an adult I try and pause and think through "is this a big issue or does it just feel like a big issue". It feeling like one is totally valid but the perspective can help frame the next course of action ❤️

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