Male Hoping To Rebuild Trust

Yuki
Yuki Community Member Posts: 2 Listener
edited October 21 in Mental health and wellbeing

Hello, I'm new to this forum.

My life went off a cliff this year and I now suffer regular panic attacks and quite severe social anxiety in particular scenarios causing a nervous tic and potentially crying breakdowns.

A woman accused me of abuse and rape, no evidence or details, and I now cannot see my children.

How do I reintegrate into society after this? I can't go through it again. At present I avoid females as much as possible. The woman faced no consequences, despite her accusations being found false, and I fear she or anyone could do it again. I want to work, for example, but is it possible to be safeguarded against this?

Thanks

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Comments

  • Rachel_Scope
    Rachel_Scope Posts: 5,417 Scope online community team

    Hi @Yuki and welcome to the community. I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. As it's now been proved false are you still unable to see your children?

    Are you concerned about being around women if you were to work? Your feelings towards women at the moment are understandable considering your experience but rebuilding that trust again is really important. Do you have any mental health support?

  • Yuki
    Yuki Community Member Posts: 2 Listener

    Hi @Rachel_Scope , thanks for replying and for the welcome.

    I still am not allowed any contact other than sending a card every two weeks. She is supposed to encourage the children to reply, but I don't think she's showing them my cards. I draw their favourite characters in them - they love my drawings. I've raised this with the family court judge, who ignored it. The judge said what police conclude has no bearing on decisions the family court makes. Her solicitor (female) told me to kill myself, in writing, and the judge said that isn't abuse. I don't have representation - men accused of abuse don't get Legal Aid, so I have to correspond directly with her solicitor.

    I am concerned about work. I want to work again. I worked helping thousands of schools make better data-driven decisions. At the moment I can't trust that I won't have a breakdown at any point, as I have recently while shopping and in a GP waiting room. I feel like I'm worth nothing because of the body I was born with.

    I'm on a waiting list for NHS therapy. I've contacted domestic abuse support for men, but all they can do is offer encouragement. Every group I've contacted tell me they know men are not treated fairly in the family court and I just have to stick it out.

  • Rosie_Scope
    Rosie_Scope Posts: 9,819 Scope online community team

    Hi @Yuki, sorry to hear of your situation, that sounds so difficult to cope with and it's understandable that you're struggling with some difficult feelings about it all.

    It is definitely not okay for a solicitor - or anyone - to tell you to kill yourself. That's awful and incredibly unprofessional from a person in authority. If you have evidence of this, you can report the solicitor to the Solicitors Regulation Authority (SRA): SRA | Reporting a solicitor or firm to us | Solicitors Regulation Authority

    It's good that you're on the waiting list for some therapy. It sounds like that would be a good step for you to help talk through how you're feeling. Even while you're waiting, it might be a good idea to keep in touch with your GP, especially if you're finding it difficult to cope some days.

    Are you still under employment at all, even if you're signed off?

    I know you say that the men's charities have not been able to help much with the court, but were they able to offer you any support at all, or a listening ear?

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