HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?

Hello @atlas46 Thank you for kind words and appreciate the support.

Understand all about what are saying regarding addiction.

If that makes sense.  Basically my addiction is just like every body else's.

We us gents, men think we do not have issues or health ones.  Showing to some one that you have emotions, feelings and can not drink or take it. Why just take it . The constant barrage and hassle of people who should have known better.

Remember from a time. Used to go to a Doctors in a small village where he smoked. Had a pipe he did. That was then and of cause no one discussed drink and alcoholism.

Parents had drinks before a meal. Where you dressed for dinner. This was the middle classes of sixties, seventies Britain in the small green and pleasant land.

Behind the net curtains, unbelievable horrors were going on. All quaint and lovely outside. Inside bullying, violence, intimidation, threats, sexual misbehaviour, child abuse.

All in my village and at home. Never admit you do not want a drink it was the norm.

Come the big house parties in the villages . Constant outpouring of hospitality.  

By early twenties having serious alcoholism and I knew it. Had alcoholic amnesia from drinking. Anyway both my parents never discussed any of this.  To them and though if I did would be put away.  In a secure unit or hospital. Had admitted to me my Mother she would do that.

Had some one in the village going through mental health and trauma, through alcoholism.

 Still doing drinking but knowing now doing it in secret. Hiding it.  To the outside world never touch a drop me. In private and secret. drank to oblivion.

Often having a schedule around my drinking and being careful.  Having things I had to deal with.  Work, driving, relationships and friends.

Only once or twice let my self slip. Deny everything you do.  Won't happen again my fault. 

This is the life despite the loneliness continued. Then one day  a certain community I had moved into found out.

Ostracised and isolated by those I regarded as support. Worse was they were alcoholics themselves. Understand now that they wanted to control me and use me for there own self gratification.

Always remember jealousy, domineering, bullying alcoholics are worse than ever. Especially if they steal from you. Ruin relationships, cast self doubts in your mind. Use and abuse you.

So here am I in a lonely bungalow they have found out hurt me and harmed me.  I suddenly fell over hit my head on the coffee table.

Bleeding and felt this sudden warmth and over powering urge to stay there. Curled up and feel this sense of well being the sudden effect of well I am going to stop this.

Some one something told me. Was this my God moment. Being this sense of something had to change. Went to hospital much arguing and getting seen to.

Found myself thinking need to change. I had to. So then my thoughts had to change, Went to rehab and started the treatment.

What upset me was the ones who ostracised me made me feel worse one of the community members partners denied this. Yet she was in my bungalow every morning stoned out of her head.  Drunk and I am going through Rehab. 

Even told her to do what I am doing.  Sense of sadness there because who and why they continued and are probably deceased the body can not take that heavy hitting all the time. I know I have been there.

Found my voice and my words of wisdom. Found my true vocational . Had the Bible in my hand and it became my salvation.

Moved away again live where I am now. Took me eighteen months to two years to come off. Have lost a lot. Yet now done the right thing talking about it.

Body I have is physically damaged and scarred.

Just recently last year my mental health charity had an addiction specialist come in. All the lads in the group walked out. I stayed .  Know two lads in the group did have concern and care for.  Have addiction histories both of them. but do know now . There will be a time like myself. Just waiting.

All I know feel the need to educate. Like you have said many are dead or maimed or in prison. I know this and do know many times lost so many to all of that.

All I can add is it is a disease and needs to be treated as such.

I wanted to share this not only to you but others as well.

Going down this road of recovery. Yes I am absent from alcohol but at what cost. Every day have the itch and urge to do this.

 I do not and habits die hard. Have thoughts and feelings all the time. Said this before no matter how far you down the road it is staying off the hardest.

Understand have met people who are further down the recovery process. One works with alcoholics asked him about the itch and urge.

I get it all the time he says.

Thank you for reading this. I am glad to be your friend anytime.

Always in prayers and thoughts.

Take care

@thespiceman

Hello @susan48 How are you?   Hope your feeling OK  . Had to write about all of this.

Did not want to sound depressed all about this . Yet it is one of the things about life we never really talk about.

I do not think I am alone.

All I know you ladies never age at all.  lol.

Always stay the same.

Take care

@thespiceman