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Online dating

Sholay09Sholay09 Member Posts: 77 Courageous
edited December 2018 in Dating and relationships
Hello I am 20 nearly 21 years old and I am thinking about trying online dating again to find an older guy in the new year but something has put me off now from wanting to try online dating again like when someone said that dating sites should have a minimum age of 25 instead of 18 and ever since reading something like that it has made me feel quite paranoid and angry now that I think that everyone is saying things about young people who are aged 18-24 on dating sites or trying them when no one should be saying anything like that at all and also no one should be saying that dating sites should have a minimum age of 25 rather than 18 because 25 would be too high and also because at age 18 someone should be allowed to do everything they want and also make their own decisions and mistakes and no age restrictions should apply to people over 18 or 21 because they are adults now and that age restrictions should only apply to children and teenagers. I just want everyone to accept with everything like dating sites, being allowed to smoke, drink, watch or buy porn and many others having a minimum age of 18 or 21 because those are adult ages and they are not children.
S.York
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Replies

  • Sam_ScopeSam_Scope Member Posts: 7,732 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Sholay09
    Who said that dating sites should have an age limit?
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
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  • Sholay09Sholay09 Member Posts: 77 Courageous
    It was just some person who I don't know Sam. It was just when that person said that dating sites should have a minimum age of 25.
    S.York
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  • Sholay09Sholay09 Member Posts: 77 Courageous
    Ok thank you Sam for being helpful and I did read that a lot of people in the 18-24 age group like I am in the age group because I am now 20 nearly 21 in April are on dating sites looking for like a relationship like maybe a serious one usually I think.
    S.York
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  • CockneyRebelCockneyRebel Community champion Posts: 5,259 Disability Gamechanger
    I wish you well with your search for love, everyone deserves to find happiness where ever they can. As an old geezer I know little about dating sites or any other social media, I am sure that you don't need me to tell you to keep your sensible head on
    Be all you can be, make  every day count. Namaste
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  • Panda70Panda70 Member Posts: 23 Courageous
    I met my fella whilst battling crohns in hospital, we are still together 9 years on  I'm from North of England and he is from down South and we hit it off straight away, good luck but also be careful x
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  • Becky270Becky270 Member Posts: 5 Connected
    Hi @Sholay09

    As long as you are careful and sensible, why not give online dating a go?! I'd recommend Bumble, which is where I met my partner. If you have a look at my blog website, there are articles where I talk about dating and disabilities. 
    https://headoverwheelsx.com

    Stay safe and good luck! 

    Becky
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  • TheArrowTheArrow Member Posts: 27 Connected
    When dating you could meet someone who’s 25 and immature or you can also meet someone who’s 25 who’s mature. Depends what you want in a relationship, good luck to you finding someone.
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  • Whishour44Whishour44 Member Posts: 2 Listener
    I'm not really sure where you read about the Age limit of 25 because what I have heard and have been using from quite a while, the majority of dating platforms allow people with age rule of 18. Even Tinder allows People with Minimum age of 18yrs to use their platform https://www.csmonitor.com/Technology/2016/0609/Why-dating-site-Tinder-is-restricting-use-to-those-over-age-18

    Though there are some Adult and Hookup related platforms like AdultFriendFinder, BeNaughty https://www.theabsolutedater.com/hook-up-sites/ which follows little strict rules.
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  • gaz1960gaz1960 Member Posts: 127 Pioneering
    I've been off and on dating sites for the past two years and not so much as as a chance of meeting up with anyone for a cup of coffee! 
    Online dating is a minefield.  
    1. Too many people looking for totally unrealistic matches. (Half their age)! 

    2.False profiles. 

    3. Distance. Not how far away but how near you are!  It  seems the closer you live to potential people the less likely that they will look at your profile.  

    Good luck to anyone who does find someone online,on dating sites! 
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  • RoddyRoddy Member Posts: 389 Pioneering
    Most online dating sites seem to fall into the same kind of criterion. They can cost you the Earth whilst getting you nowhere, and are riddled with false hopes & promises. Many are not properly moderated AND of course there are those ready to dupe the unwary. 

    It's truly a shame, as there are many deserving and lonely people out there who are loveable, reliable and genuinely in need of a likeminded soul.   
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  • gaz1960gaz1960 Member Posts: 127 Pioneering
    Have tried yet another dating site for the over50s.???? Saga. Most of the Ladies on there are in their 30s and 40s. And looking for same age or much younger fit and handsome and well educated and well off. The site questionere you fill in is very comprehensive but thought that it could be a bit more comprehensive about a few things. Has anyone else tried the  Saga dating site and your experience of it? 
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  • AndyDurhamAndyDurham Member Posts: 16 Connected
    I'm 40 and I'm on them my friend good luck in your hunt
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  • RoddyRoddy Member Posts: 389 Pioneering
    gaz1960 said:
    Have tried yet another dating site for the over50s.???? Saga. Most of the Ladies on there are in their 30s and 40s. And looking for same age or much younger fit and handsome and well educated and well off. The site questionere you fill in is very comprehensive but thought that it could be a bit more comprehensive about a few things. Has anyone else tried the  Saga dating site and your experience of it? 

    It's always the same, isn't it. Many people on these so-called dating sites, never look outside of the box and they set their hearts & minds on their own little fantasy world. Education, fitness and/or handsome/prettiness are not what it takes to have a true loving heart & soul coupled with honesty and commitment. Sure, we may all want to be another Tom Cruise or a Beyoncé perhaps, and have six-packs and/or a body to die for, but I say 'live in the real world' if you want to get yourself a life with another person being a part of that life... and don't live in a dream world.  
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  • gaz1960gaz1960 Member Posts: 127 Pioneering
    Surely honesty,truthfulness and personality and shared interests should count for something;rather than shallowness of looks ? 

    Maybe I'm being too pragmatic?  Or just expecting real life to be like it's portrayed in the movies and fairy stories!  

    That the ugly ogre gets the the beautiful Princess!  

    Or just someone who is normal? 
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  • RoddyRoddy Member Posts: 389 Pioneering
    @gaz1960 I totally agree.

    Furthermore, many of the so-called  online dating services are a scam. Having trawled through the introduction pages/forms you are then directed towards a previously unmentioned payment options which without you basically get no further. If however you part with your cash, you then (if you are lucky) find what is considered to be your ideal match. Your ideal match will then more often than not be located hundreds of miles away.

    Being disabled is also a huge stumbling block and not necessarily due to 'looks' but the inability to meet, travel or to accommodate.  

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  • gaz1960gaz1960 Member Posts: 127 Pioneering
    Lol. :)
    It must be nearly Easter. 

    Views of my profile on the dating sites always seems to peak just before any and all holiday times. 

    Anybody else noticed that happens with their own profile? 


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  • gaz1960gaz1960 Member Posts: 127 Pioneering
    I give up! 
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  • RoddyRoddy Member Posts: 389 Pioneering
    gaz1960 said:
    I give up! 
    Don't... ;-)


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  • April2018momApril2018mom Member - under moderation Posts: 2,882 Member - under moderation
    Don’t give up on love. Be careful with dating apps and sites as people do lie online. A better way to make new friends is to attend activity classes for disabled people where you can make friends.
    What’s available in your area? 
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  • Adrian_ScopeAdrian_Scope Testing Team, Community Team Posts: 7,746 Scope community team
    I'm sorry to read you've not had much luck on dating sites @gaz1960, but please don't be discouraged!

    Are you looking into any other ways of meeting people? I agree with @April2018mom that activity and hobby groups are a great way too. 
    Senior Community Partner
    Scope

    If you have a few minutes to spare, we'd appreciate your feedback on our online community.
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  • gaz1960gaz1960 Member Posts: 127 Pioneering
    April2018mom said:
    Don’t give up on love. Be careful with dating apps and sites as people do lie online. A better way to make new friends is to attend activity classes for disabled people where you can make friends.
    What’s available in your area? 

    Adrian_Scope said:
    I'm sorry to read you've not had much luck on dating sites @gaz1960, but please don't be discouraged!

    Are you looking into any other ways of meeting people? I agree with @April2018mom that activity and hobby groups are a great way too. 

    Thanks. 

    Just to clarify the situation! 

    According to the works physiotherapist,this week,and the Consultant at the Hospital,on Friday last,I'm still classed as "Able bodied"! 
    In full time employment. 5 days a week. 

    Personally,I'd say I'm totally knackered and ready for the knackers yard ! Lol. :)

    Already booked a room with a view! Lol. :)

    Any and all activities for the over fifties in the local area are ,..... walking,(daytime),hiking(daytime),badminton,(daytime and evening,but after a full days work,who has the energy?!!!),And being in full time employment,that's a non starter,plus with me falling to bits,it's a no,no. Badminton I did as a teenger,a few nights a week,but I'm not a teenger any more! :) Lol.:)

    Local cinema group for the over fifties? Daytimes! 

    Local swimming group for the over fifties,.... Wednesday daytime! Lol.

    Meetup. Much the same, daytimes!

    And physical activities! Lol :) . Must be a  lot of over fifties who had good jobs sitting behind a desk and had enough energy at the end of the day to do these things! Lol. And retire early enough to do these things! Lol. :)

    Help groups,arthritis or heart problems? 20 miles away! Lol. :)

    Work wise,a predominantly Male environment! So no chance of meeting anyone in that environment! 

    Live on the outskirts of a small village, everybody keeps themselves to themselves,been here two years,only spoken to the next door neighbours and the landlord and  landlady of the local pub! (Food is excellent there,fresh produce from the local farm)! :) Real pub grub! :)

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  • April2018momApril2018mom Member - under moderation Posts: 2,882 Member - under moderation
    I know that this is not really what you want to hear but what about a walking club? https://www.ramblers.org.uk/go-walking.aspx is a good place to start looking. Walking is a gentle way of getting some exercise. Have you ever heard of Yours Magazine? Lots of old people advertise for their soulmate that way. 

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  • gaz1960gaz1960 Member Posts: 127 Pioneering
    Old  people !!!!!
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  • Adrian_ScopeAdrian_Scope Testing Team, Community Team Posts: 7,746 Scope community team
    I'm sure @April2018mom was using 'old' when she meant 'mature and sophisticated'! :wink:

    Some libraries have social events and clubs at weekends which might be an option. Have you tried looking on Facebook? There might be people interested in setting up groups to do things at times that are more convenient for you. Forums for your hobbies might prove useful for finding folks with similar interests too.

    I'm going to tag in Gill our @PSHEexpert who may have some other advice.
    Senior Community Partner
    Scope

    If you have a few minutes to spare, we'd appreciate your feedback on our online community.
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  • RoddyRoddy Member Posts: 389 Pioneering
    gaz1960 said:
    Old  people !!!!!
    Hey! @gaz1960, they say that "AGE IS IN THE EYES OF THE BEHOLDER" lol
    A.Scope's idea is a good one, as you may be surprised to find a community/group in your local area (or close to it.)  My own experience of these so-called 'Dating Sites' is that they're a waste of time and also a waste of money... Some of them are much the same as 'chat lines' and the 'single person' of your dreams or your ideal match, is some well rehearsed person, earning cash from, the many that he or she is an ideal match for... Not even the law of averages would suggest that the ideal person that you seek is within your area on one of these Dating Agency's. Surely, the chances must be one in a million! 
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  • gaz1960gaz1960 Member Posts: 127 Pioneering
    Perhaps i should have posted ........"Old people,.......omg,  Lol :)

    I didn't take offence Adrian,..:)  It was more of a,.......suprise!!  :)

    Thanks for the "mature and sophisticated " though. :)

     I don't use Facebook  or any of those type of online media. Already on numerous  forums,have been for years. Got penpals from those across the World,we message every day. 

    Thanks for the  "AGE IS IN THE EYES OF THE BEHOLDER" Roddy. :)

    No community groups in the area. All 20 miles away. 

    I tried that link April,just out of curiousity, no local rambling groups,apart from,as usual,daytimes!

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  • WaylayWaylay Member Posts: 910 Pioneering
    I use OKCupid. The basic stuff is free, and you can write a long profile. I described myself, where I am in life, etc., and was very honest about my disabilities. I had a fair number of "Sex tonite?!", "You hot", etc., but also texted with some very interesting people. My first date wasn't very good - he was pushy - but my second date was fantastic! He already knew about my disabilities, so he didn't get scared and run off. We've been together for 2 years now.
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  • PSHEexpertPSHEexpert Volunteer community adviser Posts: 170 Pioneering
    Good morning!  I have just read through all the thread and loads of what I was going to suggest has been suggested - Meetup is always what I go back to because of the diversity of interests etc (and because I try to recommend things I know about, and I use Meetup quite a bit).  I was thinking about why I've found it useful and had another look at the groups I've subscribed to in my area - the only difference I can see is that I haven't gone for any age specific ones.  Book groups and social meet-ups basically and they're just general adults (I'm in my 40s).  Perhaps looking for groups specifically for the "mature and sophisticated" ;) means you have to rely on others putting themselves into that category?   The other thing I suppose is...what about an evening class?  Again, trying to think about the sorts of people that I've met over the years and they've been all ages (and am still happily in touch with/mates with quite a few of them - wasn't looking for anything romantic because I was with someone, but I wouldn't rule that out as a possibility).  The only other thing you could try...and I suggest this with trepidation as I know it can provoke an "ARGH NO!!" response is...what about a speed dating evening? Go with a friend so it's not quite so intense.  It's actually quite a good laugh.  You only really need a sense of humour, the ability to make light smalltalk, and possibly a stiff drink ;) 

    - Gill 
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  • gaz1960gaz1960 Member Posts: 127 Pioneering
    Hhhhmmmmmm....I'm guessing that's aimed at me,PSHExpert.

    Meet up is,although advertised as "age based" ,and mostly as usual, daytime activity, or physical activity, apart from the "board games playing " section and pub quiz nights",is a physical activity site! 

    Any and all activities in the local area are,or should be classed as ,"over 60s",and retired pen pushers! 
    Only pen pushers have enough energy at the end of the day to do anything! 
    Manual workers are knackered after a full 8 hour day and unable/and/or too knackered  to go to "night classes"!

    I come under that classification! 

    "Night classes"?

    Yoga,pilatates, family history, book keeping,flower arrangements?

    Especially if they have arthritis and heart issues! 

    All ready on many forums,aged from 18 to whatever  ! So "age related " ?

    Most of my online penpals are aged from 18 to 58. All across the World! 


    Speed dating? 

    I live in a remote village. 

    Even if I didnt, I wouldn't use anything like  that! 

    Go with a friend? 

    Since the divorce,that's a mute option! 

    Some of us are old fashioned!

    Yeah,there's that "age" thing again! 

    Does seem to be can age related  age gap on here?

    Book groups? 

    Local on Meet up? 

    If your 60plus!:

    I read a lot! 

    Local Meet up meets once a month. 

    Mostly Women. 

    The "group "vote on which books to read! 

    Hhhmmm. .......guess which gender get a the deciding vote on which books the group will read? And having checked online of the books  history of the books they read,.......yup,it's soppy love stories every time! 

    But I'm still smiling .........inside! :)






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  • gaz1960gaz1960 Member Posts: 127 Pioneering
    Bit of an update! :)

    Really, really, not looking at being negative! Looking as positive as possible! :)

    Meetup website!  There is a Meetup group in the nearest Town. 

    142 members, according to the website! 

    Most that have ever attended any of the activities over the past two years,........6 (six)!

    Average of how many attended each activity over the past two years,.......3(three)!

    Book club,run by Meetup........once a month! Nearest Town.


    Activities seem to consist of pub quiz (at a pub 18 miles away), or badminton , again,miles away! Or curry nights,at reasturants miles away,and I don't eat curry! Yuk. :/

    Rambling: local! Yes,next village across! Daytime. :/

    Apparently,we have a mobile library van that comes to the village? Never seen it myself! Daytime! :/

    Over 50s cinema club at the nearest Town? Daytime. :/

    Looked at,or joined all these! 

    www.onefamily.com

    www.the silverline.com

    www.naturalfriends.co.uk

    www.datingseniorfriendsdate.com

    www.hellsgereatrics.co.uk

    https://www.snowdome.co.uk/ski-snowboard/lift-pass-sessions/coaching-sessions/over-50s-morning-club/ (daytime) :/

    https://u3asites.org.uk/tamworth/groups

    www.rhs.org.uk

    www.the gardeners-club.co.uk

    www.thelovegarden.co.uk

    www.green fingersdating.co.uk

    www.gardeningfriensdate.com

    www.solihullheartsupport.com

    http://5th60rifles.co.uk

    www.tamworthfolkclub.co.uk

    www.spicebham.com

    If any of these are any use to anyone on here,take a look! Happy hunting! :)






















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  • gaz1960gaz1960 Member Posts: 127 Pioneering
    Hhhmmm.....must be almost bank holiday time!
    Holiday times are the ONLY times when anyone looks at my profiles on dating sites! 

    Look at my profile?........but no messages!

    Too Old?
    Too ugly?
    Too ........? Whatever?

    Nobody within accepted radius of where I live?

    Nobody who smokes,has tattoos or piercings? That's  a problem!

    Disabled ?Not a problem.

    Tamworth and surrounding area? Lol. :) 


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  • gaz1960gaz1960 Member Posts: 127 Pioneering
    Well,as usual,the only messages on either freedating site or completelyfreedating site,are scammers! And always with the same message! Hi handsome,........chat with me on .....................and half my age........as if! 
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  • RoddyRoddy Member Posts: 389 Pioneering
    gaz1960 said:
    Well,as usual,the only messages on either freedating site or completelyfreedating site,are scammers! And always with the same message! Hi handsome,........chat with me on .....................and half my age........as if! 
    Ever since I joined one dating site, I receive up to 20 emails per day with more or less the same as above. I've tried cancelling the membership but I get nowhere and it only encourages more fictional 'singles' to try their luck. I'm sick of it. Never again.
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  • April2018momApril2018mom Member - under moderation Posts: 2,882 Member - under moderation
    Roddy said:
    gaz1960 said:
    Well,as usual,the only messages on either freedating site or completelyfreedating site,are scammers! And always with the same message! Hi handsome,........chat with me on .....................and half my age........as if! 
    Ever since I joined one dating site, I receive up to 20 emails per day with more or less the same as above. I've tried cancelling the membership but I get nowhere and it only encourages more fictional 'singles' to try their luck. I'm sick of it. Never again.
    This is why I prefer to meet people in person. 
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  • gaz1960gaz1960 Member Posts: 127 Pioneering
    Me too! But nobody wants to meet in person! :/


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  • gaz1960gaz1960 Member Posts: 127 Pioneering
    Must be an age or location thing ! 
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  • gaz1960gaz1960 Member Posts: 127 Pioneering
    167 miles away! Get real! And just being curious as to what I posted on the forum about dating and distance? Yeah right!!! 
    Rant over! 

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  • RoddyRoddy Member Posts: 389 Pioneering
    gaz1960 said:
    167 miles away! Get real! And just being curious as to what I posted on the forum about dating and distance? Yeah right!!! 
    Rant over! 

    Many of these so-called 'single ladies' are Trolls. They work from site to site and some are paid by the owners to 'recruit' new members and/or keep up their interest. One only gets to 'read' about 'successful liaisons' which are probably in truth as fake as anything else on the sites. Most of the ones which charge fees are no better, and it's such a shame. That's why folks like me and you have suggested a dating facility on SCOPE but again I can understand why it wouldn't and couldn't be allowed. If I had the time and the know how I would consider running my own Dating site, but as with like all them, it would only ever be as good as its worse member, and sadly it would become like the others, riddled with fakes and liars and people with no desire at all to actually meet anybody. 
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  • gaz1960gaz1960 Member Posts: 127 Pioneering
    Omg! Lol. :smile:  That's classic! :) 

    Plenty of Fish site! Lol :) 

    "Matched " me with........... ...My divorce solicitor.  Hahaha:) Lol. :) 

    She is 10 years younger than me,her photo is at least 4 years out of date, she has never had long hair or been that slim in the 4 years she was my solicitor.  Lol. :) 

    And we have totally nothing in common! Hahaha.  :) 


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