Hi everyone, im Mel

Hi guys, im a 42 year old single parent of a 14 year old daughter. My conditions started with my pregnancy and had a very bad 9 months. Had an emergency c section to remove gi my daughter and also removed the 14cm rugby ball shaped cyst that had grown along side her as well and that was the beginning of everything changing. I had many procedures and operations to remove re occurring internal cysts every few months with the in between time having constant pain. As time went on i was diagnosed with endometriosis, chronic pain and got depression so was put on medication for both. Tried several different meds for pain and hormone therapy then after a few more operations was also diagnosed with adhesions. Was told a full hysterectomy and endometriosis removal was my only option. Unfortunately after having that opp i was told that they could not ever go back inside me and that the endo and adhesions were stuck to my internal organs and it was too dangerous to re operate. Then because i was always bent over on pain i damaged 2 discs in my lower back which was operated on but unfortunately did not work so they are going to look at it again in another years time. Hourly daily meds went up as time went on and my mobility and life changed immensely. I have endometriosis with stuck adhesions, re occurring cyst problems, medium diagnosed depression as started getting worse and having harmful thoughts. 2 slipped discs lumbar, a hormone imbalance which i go to a specialist in Birmingham for every 5 months and they put an implant in my stomach. The hormone imbalance with the constant chronic pain cause a multitude of other symptoms that have effectively stopped any normality that i had left as they include things like me having to have carrier bags with me when sat on sofa and in car, out anywhere or at parents house just in case i throw up as it can happen at any time with no warning so i cant get to a safe place in time to be sick. Same happens with dripping head to toe with sweats to the extent that i look like I've been out in a downpour of rain and uncontrollable unstoppable crying my heart out again at any place in any circumstance, even if in a shop. I live on high doses  of slow release morphine, oramorph, dyhdrocodiene, gabapentin, amitriptyline, metrocloperamide, fluoxetine and the hrt implant. My memory has started to be effected so now have short term memory issues on top of everything else. I can hardly walk anymore and my pain gets worse after been stood for long enough for the kettle to boil. Im struggling with our house as i cant stand for long enough to clean. Have horrid sleep patterns and can go days where i cant eat. I've always been such a happy positive person but things are just getting too much now. Im so worried that its all effecting my daughter Genevieve as im always in bad pain and cant hide it, haven't been able to do much with her over the last few years as ive gotten worse and i think she is sometimes embarrassed of me. I feel so guilty. When she was first born i had a good salary and position with my local council, was self sufficient and never had to ask anyone for anything. Now im in rented housing as i had to sell my own home years ago as was in debt and couldn't get any help while ill. Used to be able to provide nice quality clothes and shoes for her and now i have to borrow off family just to buy school uniforms every year. We used to have a very good life financially and socially but that has all stopped and i only just get by for our monthly bills and necessities and i have to add up food items as i buy them to ensure I've got enough to afford them all. Im in debt with a visa and family members after been moved to uc wrongly and while im going through court to sort this out in the mean time were living off a much smaller amount after a 9 week period with no payments for the changeover, so 1 months bills and rent was paid and the second month ive had to borrow the lot off family or I'd have been in arrears. Im sorry that this is so long guys i just don't know what to do anymore. Hope you are all as well as possible. Mel.x