Disabled father with autistic son fleeing from abuser needs advice - Page 2 — Scope | Disability forum
Please read our updated community house rules and community guidelines.

Disabled father with autistic son fleeing from abuser needs advice

2»

Comments

  • newborn
    newborn Community member Posts: 832 Pioneering
    Hang on, I think you are being  fobbed off with  incorrect  information.   You absolutely  must get more advice.  Before  everyone  shuts for Christmas 

    Here's  the thing, and you need to confirm it but I am fairly  confident. I am a cynic. I absolutely  don't  want to give the wrong advice. But you and your son deserve better.  You need independent  advice.

    It sounds as if it cannot be true for the council to tell you because you are a male, you must go to Scotland.  Women and men,  and boys, all need equal  rights to flee from domestic abuse.  The organisations  and the laws to help women must help you too.  At least, as far as your flat tenancy goes, they must.

    It is true that the first night or weeks, a women -only refuge would not accept  you. But now,  you have a temporary place  of short term sanctuary.   It's  the equivalent of  a women's  refuge.  You are fairly  safe there, but  with the abuser being so near, and her son being  in your boy's  classroom,  it is important you move to Nottingham if that gives you both peace and hope.

    Don't  accept housing in the existing  area,  if Shelter or domestic  abuse  specialists  confirm you  can insist on Nottingham , if you and your son will  be  safe and happy there.

    I believe you have a triple winning hand of cards.  My understanding is you are an abused vulnerable disabled,  single parent of  a vulnerable abused special needs child. Both of you are domestic abuse victims running away.   The offender continues  to scare both of you.  She is nearby.  She still acts maliciously  if there is opportunity.  You both wish to escape  the  neighbourhood

    Other people  on the housing list won't have your priority.  And they cannot choose to leave the area.  You can. You can go to Nottingham.  You don't need  to  go to Scotland.   But if you waste this chance, you  won't  be able to run away to Nottingham 

    As to the car, would someone  drive you to Nottingham? When you get there, would someone  drive you round?  If not, maybe having the money instead of the car would suit you better?  You could pay  for  cabs with it.  It probably isn't  worth  keeping  it  merely  as a place  to store the range.


    The range might not be needed. You won't ever be given a tenancy without a cooker.  It isn't  legal.   Or,  is the range particularly  suited to your needs?   Again,  maybe you could  turn it back into money,  if you sell it.   

    You are wasting your own  and other people's  efforts if you collect furniture for a flat you dont want to have as your home.   The  same efforts would be better spent on  getting to Nottingham  and a permanent home.

    Please  check with some  domestic  abuse  organizations  and with shelter.   

    But i believe domestic abuse victims can choose  where to go.  The chosen new district has no option.  It must give fleeing victims suitable  housing  even ahead of their existing local applicants.

    They won't  want to bother.  Nor will your existing  council.   If your current council  can take the easy way out, fob you off, tick the box and wash their hands of you, it will be easiest for them.  That is why they will push  you  or trick you to take whatever  flat  they happen to have at their own disposal.  As you say, they weren't  even offering  permanent  secure tenancy.   Disabled,  you need security.  Autistic,  your son needs stability. 

    They probably never even asked Nottingham,  and won't,  unless some specialist  experts  who know your rights get onto the case on your behalf. 

    Even so, you are right that they  may have to be carefully dealt with.  With expert advice, you can avoid any bear traps. You don't want to find they are rigging the system so they can say you were offered a perfectly good flat and refused unreasonably,  so they can tell you you are intentionally homeless.   You have good cards, but need to play them correctly. 
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Community member Posts: 6,388 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Blakespops Please can I ask have you ever looked at any of the links that I had  given you a lot of advice, guidance and information in your current situation..
    When you first joined the community.
    Also my friends   @chiarieds and @newborn   have given you a lot of reassurance and some links to finding support.
    As a community champion I am happy to be supportive.
    Just some one who cares and had concern.
    I do understand what your experiencing .  Never easy a situation and a problem your in.
    I would like you if you can to take some time to look at the links in the post. I sent you. You might ended up with a lot of information, guidance, support.
    Supporting you, might have some assisting you.
    Please if you need these again pleas ask me happy to add again no problems.
    Please if you need to ask anything please do. I can hopefully answer or contact one of the team to ask them .Either SCOPE or one of the community champions one member have exceptional knowledge of benefits.
    Please can I stress you are not alone, what is important is finding the correct advice and guidance. I know a stressful, anxious times.
    If you are feeling anxiety or your son is I can give you a organisation to contact, offer a lot.
    Please take care.
    @thespiceman


    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • newborn
    newborn Community member Posts: 832 Pioneering
    Isnt spiceman lovely?!
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Community member Posts: 6,388 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @newborn you made a gentleman blush if your screen going red it is me the other side lol.
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • Blakespops
    Blakespops Community member Posts: 13 Courageous

    Yes thank you the links for Salvation Army was what got me to a local place that has lined up help for us when we get the flat they are going to be offering us.

     I have been in contact with shelter twice and they are getting some legal group to contact us with regards to the advice we have received although they have been two weeks almost with no response. I just don’t want to pester them and allow them the time to respond as they have said that they will.

     I have been focusing my efforts on the housing and benefits for now as they seem the most important things to do. The emotional issues I am going through can wait as helping my son is more important to me. I have been trying to get new activity groups and events for him as her son went to some of the ones that Blake was going to. I simply don’t want him to be isolated from people his own age. This week he’s managed to complete the young leader training for the scouts and he now has his leader neckerchief.

    via one of the other links and comments I contacted adult social services care team and I am going to have them assess my needs and then see what they can do to help. 

    I am so grateful for all the help and support you have been giving us each and every person that has replied. The advice of us playing our cards right and moving to Nottingham is something that I will most definitely be checking out on Monday. 
    I have a note book that I am using to note my todos and keeping records of what I have done because some days something happens and that makes me think of her or somehow it effects me so that I am unable to focus on anything and I get fearful of shadows or something equally silly. I loved the analogy that I was a battery chicken freed as it made me laugh yet was so true. Being just me and Blake I am not wanting to do anything but be strong and there for hit yet I miss having people that I can actually sit and chat with over a coffee about it. I know that this situation is not but a little tiny second that will soon be over and we will have a new chapter of life that we have control over and she’s got no more hold in our lives but this dot of time is one that took my friends too as we had joint friends I would never try to talk about it to them as they would be being given a choice to be on the side of one or the other and they deserve far more than being dragged into it by me or anyone.

     I will try and see if any coffee mornings or other activities are available for meeting new people/friends locally on Monday too.

    again I can’t say thank you for the help support and encouragement you have all shown us xxx

  • newborn
    newborn Community member Posts: 832 Pioneering
    Us hens must learn good clucking!
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Community member Posts: 6,388 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Blakespops   Thank you for sharing, please if I can help with anything.
    Please get in touch.
    Happy to be supportive pleased for you and just let you know you have friends here.
    I was just concerned have a lot of time and do care for those going this situation your re in.  
    Having had a history myself so I can and do identify  every thing your saying.
    No one from our community wishes to hear your struggling, emotionally.
    If you ever did please let me know. Contact one of the SCOPE team who be able to help you.
    Part of my role I do as a community champion is to ask SCOPE team can you contact this member see how we can help them, do this a lot.
    Just to reassurance you that is something we do as community champions and the SCOPE team.
    Please take care.
    Wish your son the best hope you and him are coping OK.
    In prayers and thoughts.
    @thespiceman
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Community member Posts: 6,388 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Blakespops   How have you been, I have been thinking about your situation.
    There is a charity called Richmond Fellowship that deals with mental health issues. Your son could qualify as he is autistic know would help.
    I have no ever asked you do you have any mental health issues or anxiety or depression, I say this.
    I know do have a lot to offer including the following.
    Mental health support workers, welfare assistance and form filling in, plus attendance at any meetings. Do also have their own housing advisors and lots of aspects of wellbeing.
    Worth a look.
    https://www.richmondfellowship.org.uk.
    Might not be in all areas double check.
    If not use this other one.
    https://www.mind.org.uk.
    or https://www.rethink.org.
    There a charity deals with advocates interventions of health issues relating to mental health, medical professionals not helping you.
    Speak on your behalf.
    Please if that helps please use them, often a excellent source of signposting and relevant organisations, information.
    Please take care.
    @thespiceman

    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • chiarieds
    chiarieds Community member Posts: 16,007 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Blakespops - I'm just wondering how you both are doing. I hope Blake enjoyed his recent birthday!
    Were Scope able to help you in any way? I do hope so.
    Just to let you know you are still in my thoughts, & it would be lovely to hear from you if you can manage.


     
  • Blakespops
    Blakespops Community member Posts: 13 Courageous
    Hi all, Blake’s had a good birthday. 

    We are still not sorted out yet for benefits. Both ESA and UC are messing us around to the point that CAB is going to be putting in an official complaint and possibly take legal action. I am in receipt of the severe disability premium on my housing benefits claim and I therefore should be able to get ESA but ESA says that I have to claim UC. At the same time UC say that I can’t claim it as I am getting the severe disability premium. Claimed 8th November and I am still running around sorting it out.
  • chiarieds
    chiarieds Community member Posts: 16,007 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Blakespops - Great to hear that Blake enjoyed his birthday, & thank you for replying. How is your housing situation going?
    I'll ask another member here who has a great understanding of benefits to see if she can help you. @poppy123456, I would be grateful if you could help here. Blake's dad has been in a dreadful situation fleeing physical abuse with his son, & so much more. Please may you advise.
  • Blakespops
    Blakespops Community member Posts: 13 Courageous
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Community member Posts: 6,388 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello  @Blakespops    pleased to meet you again, sorry to hear you have problems with the benefit situation.

    Please can I ask did you look at anytime the links I provided for you.

    All have benefit advisors.

    This one is another organisation you can use.

    https://www.turn2us.org.uk.

    Helps with any thing benefits.

    Please I hope my friend can help you deserve all the support and advice we can give, please one other point your not alone.

    We as a community are here.  To  support you.   Please if you have any questions.

    Please ask.

    Please take care.

    @thespiceman





    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • Blakespops
    Blakespops Community member Posts: 13 Courageous
    Neil at citizens advice is dealing with it as per his email above. He is livid with the DWP. 

    We’re now in interim accommodation and it’s a great place that we would love to be permanent if we were not just about a mile away from my abusing ex partner. 

    I have been in contact with some of the people in the list and I have also been involved with the police over things to do with ex’s family making threatening comments that I have managed to get on camera where I was told that I would be in hospital or the ground soon. 

    I have been reclusive since I bumped into him in the town centre. 
  • poppy123456
    poppy123456 Community member Posts: 53,338 Disability Gamechanger
    HI,

    I'm one of the community champions here at scope.

    Thanks for the tag @chiarieds

    I'm sorry to hear everything you're going through and happy to hear your son had a lovely birthday.

    As you are having help from your local CAB and they are in contact with DWP and your local JCP then there's really nothing i can advise you with. There should be no reason why you're being refused legacy ESA because you have the SDP added to your housing benefit.

    All i can say really is that i hope your local CAB can sort this issue out for you very soon. Sometimes DWP are their own worst enemy.

    Do let us know the outcome and i wish you and your son best wishes for the future and a peaceful Christmas and New year.
    I would appreciate it if members wouldn't tag me please. I have all notifcations turned off and wouldn't want a member thinking i'm being rude by not replying.
    If i see a question that i know the answer to i will try my best to help.
  • Blakespops
    Blakespops Community member Posts: 13 Courageous
    Hi, thanks for your confirmation that we should be able to get the legacy ESA. 7 weeks of them being a tennis team and I am just the ball is getting to be a pain. As if we haven’t already got enough to deal with without them messing around with us.

     I will have an update after I have been to see them at 11 am tomorrow 
  • Blakespops
    Blakespops Community member Posts: 13 Courageous
    Hi all,

    been to the job centre and I was told that esa is refusing to do anything because I am not getting SDP with housing benefits so I called housing benefits whilst sat there and had them confirmed that I was getting it and the dates for that. I was then told to phone UC SDP special number for confirmation of what I should be claiming to be told to call esa and tell them to take my claim and when I did they have said that I have to stay with UC. And so another day wasted being messed about.
  • chiarieds
    chiarieds Community member Posts: 16,007 Disability Gamechanger
    So sorry to read that this debacle continues; it must be driving you nuts!
    Would just like to add my best wishes that you & Blake enjoy your Christmas, & have a much happier New Year. Things have got to get better!
  • Blakespops
    Blakespops Community member Posts: 13 Courageous
    Maybe I should wait until next year and then they will have 2020 vision to see what a@@holes they are being lol

Brightness