Dating and relationships
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Would you like to change for person you love

joymerlinjoymerlin Member Posts: 2 Listener
Weather you can find happiness in it 

Replies

  • janer1967janer1967 Member Posts: 10,199 Disability Gamechanger
    My view is you shouldn't have to change the person you are or expect a partner to change 

    If you don't love them as they are then they are not right for you 

    Other than small changes like putting toilet seat down , not leaving dirty clothes around and things like that 

    Just my opinion  
  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Posts: 4,593

    Scope community team

    I agree with janer1967 @joymerlin. You shouldn't have to completely change yourself for the person you love. It's fine to make compromises, and work on improving yourself so you can be a better person (whether you're in a relationship or not!) but you shouldn't have to change yourself entirely.

    Is this a situation you're finding yourself in?
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  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 4,155 Disability Gamechanger
    If they cant love you as you are then it's not worth it unless it's a major problem or doing something moraly wrong 
  • joymerlinjoymerlin Member Posts: 2 Listener
    one of my friend ask me this question that’s why I post it

  • woodbinewoodbine Community Co-Production Group Posts: 4,127 Disability Gamechanger
    We've been married 40 years this year and I wouldn't want to change a single thing about her, like me she is far from perfect (who is?) but I love as much today as I did 40 years ago (perhaps even more), in the last 20 years or so we have been to hell and back for a number of reasons BUT we have done it together and for me that's what matters. x
    "Putting a child into care, isn't caring for a child" (T.Rhattigan)
  • Ross_ScopeRoss_Scope Posts: 3,640

    Scope community team

    As mentioned by others I don't think people should be forced into change, or feel the need to. But I think adaptation always happens within relationships, which isn't so much about changing who you are, it's more about ensuring that you work well as a couple.
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  • PhilipPhilip Member Posts: 37 Courageous
    Someone I know told me when we got married, my got a gem, I don't drink for example, my came came from a family of heavy drinkers and the problems that went with it. I would help around the house, which according to my wife meant I was less of a man, as time went on so did my wife, making me possessive, that sort of thing, making me into something I didn't like, after a while I sought help and now I'm my true self, yes I changed to save my marriage. I didn't only change for my wife, I also did it for myself. However, my wife hasn't changed, but I deal with a lot better, mostly. The reason you change yourself, is not only for the one you love, but for the person you should also love just as much, that is you. 
  • Sandy_123Sandy_123 Member Posts: 1,413 Pioneering
    Personally I wouldn't change, I have a rule, what you see is what  you get,  nothing more, nothing less. No im not a poet lol.
  • Caz_AlumniCaz_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 627 Pioneering
    @Philip That's a really good philosophy to live by. 

    The reason you change yourself, is not only for the one you love, but for the person you should also love just as much, that is you. 

    @Sandy_123 Yes, I would definitely agree with you there. 

    I have a rule, what you see is what  you get,  nothing more, nothing less.

    For me and my partner, we've been together so long that we've just grown into each other. So, we've both definitely changed, but we didn't ask or force each other to do that. It's just happened naturally. 

    What do you think @jaymerlin?

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  • leeCalleeCal Member Posts: 3,515 Disability Gamechanger
    I think both people change mutually over time to some extent. I also think that a healthy relationship shouldn’t be that hard on a day to day basis, if it is then it’s not healthy to be in. 
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