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Would you like to change for person you love

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joymerlin
joymerlin Community member Posts: 2 Listener
in Dating, sex, and relationships
Weather you can find happiness in it 
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  • janer1967
    janer1967 Community member Posts: 21,964 Disability Gamechanger
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    My view is you shouldn't have to change the person you are or expect a partner to change 

    If you don't love them as they are then they are not right for you 

    Other than small changes like putting toilet seat down , not leaving dirty clothes around and things like that 

    Just my opinion  
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  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,492 Disability Gamechanger
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    I agree with janer1967 @joymerlin. You shouldn't have to completely change yourself for the person you love. It's fine to make compromises, and work on improving yourself so you can be a better person (whether you're in a relationship or not!) but you shouldn't have to change yourself entirely.

    Is this a situation you're finding yourself in?
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  • Lisatho11987777
    Lisatho11987777 Scope Member Posts: 5,911 Disability Gamechanger
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    If they cant love you as you are then it's not worth it unless it's a major problem or doing something moraly wrong 
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  • joymerlin
    joymerlin Community member Posts: 2 Listener
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    one of my friend ask me this question that’s why I post it

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  • woodbine
    woodbine Community member Posts: 11,618 Disability Gamechanger
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    We've been married 40 years this year and I wouldn't want to change a single thing about her, like me she is far from perfect (who is?) but I love as much today as I did 40 years ago (perhaps even more), in the last 20 years or so we have been to hell and back for a number of reasons BUT we have done it together and for me that's what matters. x
    2024 The year of the general election...the time for change is coming 💡

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  • Ross_Alumni
    Ross_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,652 Disability Gamechanger
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    As mentioned by others I don't think people should be forced into change, or feel the need to. But I think adaptation always happens within relationships, which isn't so much about changing who you are, it's more about ensuring that you work well as a couple.
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  • Philip
    Philip Community member Posts: 34 Courageous
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    Someone I know told me when we got married, my got a gem, I don't drink for example, my came came from a family of heavy drinkers and the problems that went with it. I would help around the house, which according to my wife meant I was less of a man, as time went on so did my wife, making me possessive, that sort of thing, making me into something I didn't like, after a while I sought help and now I'm my true self, yes I changed to save my marriage. I didn't only change for my wife, I also did it for myself. However, my wife hasn't changed, but I deal with a lot better, mostly. The reason you change yourself, is not only for the one you love, but for the person you should also love just as much, that is you. 
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  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 49,861 Disability Gamechanger
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    Personally I wouldn't change, I have a rule, what you see is what  you get,  nothing more, nothing less. No im not a poet lol.
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  • Caz_Alumni
    Caz_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 621 Pioneering
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    @Philip That's a really good philosophy to live by. 

    The reason you change yourself, is not only for the one you love, but for the person you should also love just as much, that is you. 

    @Sandy_123 Yes, I would definitely agree with you there. 

    I have a rule, what you see is what  you get,  nothing more, nothing less.

    For me and my partner, we've been together so long that we've just grown into each other. So, we've both definitely changed, but we didn't ask or force each other to do that. It's just happened naturally. 

    What do you think @jaymerlin?

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  • leeCal
    leeCal Community member Posts: 7,550 Disability Gamechanger
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    I think both people change mutually over time to some extent. I also think that a healthy relationship shouldn’t be that hard on a day to day basis, if it is then it’s not healthy to be in. 

    “This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.” 
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

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  • chloeblue04
    chloeblue04 Community member Posts: 234 Pioneering
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    My advice is be yourself don't pretend to be someone else you are not. Don't change the one you love into someone else they are not you just need to learn to love them for who they are. 
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  • Cress
    Cress Community member Posts: 1,012 Pioneering
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    Are we talking character change or physical?

    I'd like to keep my character the same with maybe an extra large side of optimism and hold the depression ...and I'd also prefer to look like Angelina Jolie... :D
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  • mia97
    mia97 Community member Posts: 51 Courageous
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    i don't think it is a a good idea to completely change for anyone, the person who claims to 'love' you will like you for who you are. naturally there will be things which they may not particularly agree with or like about you, because everyone is different. I think a huge part of relationships is compromisation and meeting half-way.
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