Can we be attractive to people without any disabilities? — Scope | Disability forum
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Can we be attractive to people without any disabilities?

HollyG
HollyG Community member Posts: 12 Connected
Hi everyone!

I've recently broken up with my boyfriend who had autism and he was great but we just weren't right for each other. Before him, I didn't understand what a relationship should feel like and I was wondering if there was any one who is with someone without a disability? I've never had a boyfriend without a disability and I would love to experience it but I don't know if I would have a chance at a bar for example 
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Comments

  • janer1967
    janer1967 Community member Posts: 21,964 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi and welcome to the community 

    I have a boyfriend without a disability we have known each other 2 years and have been in a relationship for 3 months 


  • HollyG
    HollyG Community member Posts: 12 Connected
    how did you meet 
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Community member Posts: 21,964 Disability Gamechanger
    Through friends 
  • Justcheckingin15
    Justcheckingin15 Community member Posts: 370 Pioneering
    Hi @janer1967..You just came into my thoughts today on here..as I remember you mentioning you were just about to embark  in a relationship....Glad that is still the case.
  • Ivypots
    Ivypots Community member Posts: 3 Listener
    I think regardless of disability it can be hard to meet someone you really get on with! Where/how you do that is always going to be different for everyone, but any situation where you meet new people is going to help. I've never met someone at a bar or a club, but something like a group for a hobby or activity you like is a great way to meet new people. Even if you don't meet anyone you fancy, you will have a nice time and feel good afterwards! 
    You can do things like that online if you're shielding too.    

    I'm also in a relationship with someone who isn't disabled, although my disabilities are invisible I was open at the start and it didn't put him off at all! No one is perfect, disabled or not. 
  • bg844
    bg844 Community member Posts: 3,887 Disability Gamechanger
    I've always found it difficult. I have of course been in relationships in the past but I never seem to get that 'connection'. I'll probably try again in the future but doubt anything will be permanent. It doesn't bother me much being single anyway, at least I don't have to open up on everything I have wrong with me  :)
  • TLW51
    TLW51 Community member Posts: 4 Connected
    I've never actually been in a relationship with someone else who's been disabled. ??‍♀️ Just the way it's worked out. I don't pursue whatsoever. I figure if the other person pursues, then I know that they're interested possibly. 

    I wouldn't go to bars. Not a great place to find a relationship. Basically just meat markets.  

    I was in a terrible marriage for 12 years. A subsequent relationship off and on for 6 years with a man who wouldn't commit and just strung me along. Then a 5-year relationship with another guy who knew he wasn't going to commit. After that another 5-year relationship, but that guy had addiction issues.

    So even if a relationship is with someone able-bodied, it may not be all it's cracked up to be. 

    Do you have any hobbies you could get involved with? 
    Book clubs, Church clubs, etc? 
    I just started going to a singles Meetup group for Christians. I'm the youngest one there, but whatever.  
    It's nice just being able to get together with other people and talk. Maybe eat a little something.
  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 46,719 Disability Gamechanger
    edited November 2021
    @Shastus what a wonderful story. 
    I was with some1 19 years but we split up, then I dated some1 I used to work with after 10 years on my own, he wasn't very well and passed away, that was 3 years ago. I'm not looking if some1 wants to cross my path I might consider a friendship.
  • Alex_Alumni
    Alex_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,562 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @HollyG what a great discussion you've started! It's been so interesting to read everyone's thoughts, and I second Sandy_123, what a lovely story Shastus :)

    I think it's entirely possible for disabled people to be attractive to non-disabled people, vice versa, and everything inbetween! What it comes down to is how well you get on as others have said. Sometimes that takes a lot of time, and sometimes it feels instant. 

    I do think it can be more difficult for disabled people to create opportunities for themselves to meet someone, given how inaccessible a lot of places are, especially bars. And meeting people online can also be very beneficial. Like anything, each has it's pros and cons, and it's important we keep ourselves safe as well. 

    I look forward to reading more soon.

    Alex
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  • steve39
    steve39 Community member Posts: 53 Connected
    hi , I wouldn't mind a chat sometime if you want to come on here or whatever?
    steve
    Sandy_123 said:
    @Shastus what a wonderful story. 
    I was with some1 19 years but we split up, then I dated some1 I used to work with after 10 years on my own, he wasn't very well and passed away, that was 3 years ago. I'm not looking if some1 wants to cross my path I might consider a friendship.


  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 46,719 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @steve39 were all  popping on around the site through out the day evening etc to natter to
  • steve39
    steve39 Community member Posts: 53 Connected
    Sandy_123 said:t
    Hi @steve39 were all  popping on around the site through out the day evening etc to natter to

    hi sandy any time you want a real coffee break n chat let me know lol, apart from that i'm always open for a chat if anyone wants to drop by x




  • paulmitch26
    paulmitch26 Community member Posts: 27 Courageous
    i find it hard because its hardly attractive a guy walking up on his tip toes :smiley:


  • gru1248
    gru1248 Community member Posts: 37 Listener
    I wish I could have a relationship some of the dating sites I tried only get remark’s eg who would want a man like you 
    so I don’t brother how.
  • Ross_Alumni
    Ross_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,652 Disability Gamechanger
    gru1248 said:
    I wish I could have a relationship some of the dating sites I tried only get remark’s eg who would want a man like you 
    so I don’t brother how.
    I'm sorry to hear that this was your experience, that's such a rude thing to say. I've not used a dating site in the past personally, but I imagine that the community on each of them is unique in its own way in terms of how kind the general user base is, but of course you shouldn't ever need to encounter comments like that whatever the platform.
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  • gru1248
    gru1248 Community member Posts: 37 Listener
    Thank you for your kind reply I keep off now deleted all 
  • Ross_Alumni
    Ross_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,652 Disability Gamechanger
    gru1248 said:
    Thank you for your kind reply I keep off now deleted all 
    It's a shame that your experience has put you in a place where you feel as though that's the best option for you. Which dating apps / websites have you tried?
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  • gru1248
    gru1248 Community member Posts: 37 Listener
    Match local website a couple of others
    forgot 
  • Ross_Alumni
    Ross_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,652 Disability Gamechanger
    gru1248 said:
    Match local website a couple of others
    forgot 
    Thanks for your reply. Have you tried the Outsiders Dating and Social Club?
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