Can we be attractive to people without any disabilities? — Scope | Disability forum
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Can we be attractive to people without any disabilities?

HollyG
HollyG Member Posts: 9 Listener
Hi everyone!

I've recently broken up with my boyfriend who had autism and he was great but we just weren't right for each other. Before him, I didn't understand what a relationship should feel like and I was wondering if there was any one who is with someone without a disability? I've never had a boyfriend without a disability and I would love to experience it but I don't know if I would have a chance at a bar for example 
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Comments

  • janer1967
    janer1967 Member Posts: 12,742 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi and welcome to the community 

    I have a boyfriend without a disability we have known each other 2 years and have been in a relationship for 3 months 


    I have professional experience in HR within public,  private, and charity sectors.  If I can help I will 
  • HollyG
    HollyG Member Posts: 9 Listener
    how did you meet 
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Member Posts: 12,742 Disability Gamechanger
    Through friends 
    I have professional experience in HR within public,  private, and charity sectors.  If I can help I will 
  • Justcheckingin15
    Justcheckingin15 Member Posts: 218 Pioneering
    Hi @janer1967..You just came into my thoughts today on here..as I remember you mentioning you were just about to embark  in a relationship....Glad that is still the case.
  • Ivypots
    Ivypots Member Posts: 3 Listener
    I think regardless of disability it can be hard to meet someone you really get on with! Where/how you do that is always going to be different for everyone, but any situation where you meet new people is going to help. I've never met someone at a bar or a club, but something like a group for a hobby or activity you like is a great way to meet new people. Even if you don't meet anyone you fancy, you will have a nice time and feel good afterwards! 
    You can do things like that online if you're shielding too.    

    I'm also in a relationship with someone who isn't disabled, although my disabilities are invisible I was open at the start and it didn't put him off at all! No one is perfect, disabled or not. 
  • bg844
    bg844 Member Posts: 263 Pioneering
    I've always found it difficult. I have of course been in relationships in the past but I never seem to get that 'connection'. I'll probably try again in the future but doubt anything will be permanent. It doesn't bother me much being single anyway, at least I don't have to open up on everything I have wrong with me  :)
  • TLW51
    TLW51 Member Posts: 4 Listener
    I've never actually been in a relationship with someone else who's been disabled. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Just the way it's worked out. I don't pursue whatsoever. I figure if the other person pursues, then I know that they're interested possibly. 

    I wouldn't go to bars. Not a great place to find a relationship. Basically just meat markets.  

    I was in a terrible marriage for 12 years. A subsequent relationship off and on for 6 years with a man who wouldn't commit and just strung me along. Then a 5-year relationship with another guy who knew he wasn't going to commit. After that another 5-year relationship, but that guy had addiction issues.

    So even if a relationship is with someone able-bodied, it may not be all it's cracked up to be. 

    Do you have any hobbies you could get involved with? 
    Book clubs, Church clubs, etc? 
    I just started going to a singles Meetup group for Christians. I'm the youngest one there, but whatever.  
    It's nice just being able to get together with other people and talk. Maybe eat a little something.
  • Shastus
    Shastus Member Posts: 35 Connected
    Way back in 1976 I was diagnosed with Crohns had first op. 7 months later colostomy was what I woke up to I was engaged when I went in hospital and wasn’t when I came out 6 weeks later my fiancée couldn’t accept the colostomy bag so that was it I thought how am I ever going to get new girlfriend with this bag. I went clubbing got drunk every weekend I had a couple girlfriends until it came to being intimate i legged it couldn’t go any further thinking they won’t accept me the way I was until I met a girl I knew from school days we dated couple times I wrote a letter explaining my illness and the colostomy bag and finished letter with if you’d like to carry on our relationship then I’ll meet you in local pub next night if you don’t turn up I will understand. Next night in local she turned up and we’ve been together since married and have three lovely children. Their is someone out there for everyone who will accept you for you. 
  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Member Posts: 2,184 Pioneering
    edited November 21
    @Shastus what a wonderful story. 
    I was with some1 19 years but we split up, then I dated some1 I used to work with after 10 years on my own, he wasn't very well and passed away, that was 3 years ago. I'm not looking if some1 wants to cross my path I might consider a friendship.
  • Alex_Scope
    Alex_Scope Posts: 166

    Scope community team

    Hi @HollyG what a great discussion you've started! It's been so interesting to read everyone's thoughts, and I second Sandy_123, what a lovely story Shastus :)

    I think it's entirely possible for disabled people to be attractive to non-disabled people, vice versa, and everything inbetween! What it comes down to is how well you get on as others have said. Sometimes that takes a lot of time, and sometimes it feels instant. 

    I do think it can be more difficult for disabled people to create opportunities for themselves to meet someone, given how inaccessible a lot of places are, especially bars. And meeting people online can also be very beneficial. Like anything, each has it's pros and cons, and it's important we keep ourselves safe as well. 

    I look forward to reading more soon.

    Alex
    Online Community Coordinator
    Scope

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  • steve39
    steve39 Member Posts: 28 Connected
    hi , I wouldn't mind a chat sometime if you want to come on here or whatever?
    steve
    Sandy_123 said:
    @Shastus what a wonderful story. 
    I was with some1 19 years but we split up, then I dated some1 I used to work with after 10 years on my own, he wasn't very well and passed away, that was 3 years ago. I'm not looking if some1 wants to cross my path I might consider a friendship.


  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Member Posts: 2,184 Pioneering
    Hi @steve39 were all  popping on around the site through out the day evening etc to natter to
  • steve39
    steve39 Member Posts: 28 Connected
    Sandy_123 said:t
    Hi @steve39 were all  popping on around the site through out the day evening etc to natter to

    hi sandy any time you want a real coffee break n chat let me know lol, apart from that i'm always open for a chat if anyone wants to drop by x




  • paulmitch26
    paulmitch26 Member Posts: 15 Connected
    i find it hard because its hardly attractive a guy walking up on his tip toes :smiley:


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