Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) and coping skills.

@Albus_Scope , yes this is me too. Seems we are a pretty big gang - it's nice not to feel odd and alone

I tend to think the people dishing out the abuse are the real failures.

Andi, you are neither spineless, nor weak. You are a fighter, and nobody has the right to undermine your lived experiences. Especially someone who's never lived them.

I can absolutely understand where chiarieds is coming from - at the same time, I think the reason people sometimes react badly to comments like this is really complicated.

Firstly, the world is designed for and by neurotypicals, because it's always built for the majority/default. That doesn't mean it includes all neurotypicals. Many neurotypical disabled people suffer a good deal at the hands of society. Unfortunately, there are also some neurotypical disabled people who also undermine neurodivergence, though I trust, not on this forum.

Secondly, the experience a parent or carer has of neurodiversity is not the same experience as a person who is actually neurodiverse. It is absolutely as valid, but it is also different.

Thirdly - as abhorrent as I find the historical context of "Asperger's Syndrome", at the same time, words like 'aspie' have come to belong to us and it's mostly been neurotypical people who have decided we should no longer use them. Similarly with autistic vs person with autism and high functioning - these are terms belonging to the autistic community now. If autistic people want to use them, then that should be their decision. There are also autistic people who have suffered discrimination from the loss of these terms, because of mistaken public belief about autism being an intellectual disability.

Finally - many things autistic people experience can be experienced by people not on the spectrum. RSD, hypersensitivity, Alexithymia, even executive function. But this doesn't necessarily mean we are all on the spectrum somewhere. It simply means that not all roads lead to autism as an explanation. Autism has a lot of potential co-occurring conditions, and it's absolutely possible to be 'borderline' something without actually being 'it'. This is one reason autistic people are so diverse in their outlook.

Ultimately, though, autism is an invisible physical disability, as it involves a how your brain is wired - hence neurodevelopmental disorder. This applies to other ND conditions as well. It isn't about 'thinking differently' so much as the brain being set up to send signals in an alternative way to what is considered 'standard'. This is the fundamental difference between ND and NT brains, and why I think it's difficult for those not on the spectrum to full appreciate what it means to be on that spectrum 24/7.

This is why when people try and blur the lines between NT and ND, it is unhelpful. If we want people to understand that our brains work differently, then we need them to also understand that it's a mechanical difference which affects the whole of our outlook on life, and that means in some areas we will be strong and in some we will be weak. It's also probably not possible to 'fix' or 'normalise', although most of the research to date has been around how to socially normalise autistic kids, rather than integrate them or deal with other comorbid health issues.

This is why a NT person's experience of autism in the family won't ever be the same as an ND person's. It's not a lesser experience. It's just different, and as ND people, we need both narratives to be told, not just the parent/carer/representative narrative that tends to dominate current media discussions.

I didn't find your post offensive, chiarieds, but at the same time, there is a lot of sensitivity among ND and especially autistic people because of how often people outside the spectrum have spoken for us, rather than letting us speak for ourselves. This forum is not that kind of a place, though, and I am glad you are advocating for and listening to your son :)