Single with health issues

Sunman81
Sunman81 Online Community Member Posts: 13 Connected

Hi everyone I have seen some discussions about being single or datingwhen you have health issues. I turn 44 tomorrow and find myself still single. I have 2 types of respiratory disease and microscopic colitis. I also had kidney cancer in late 2021. Like others on here my conditions come with everyday struggles like fatigue. I had to give up work due to my health. I long for a loving relationship however I've almost resigned myself to the fact I'll be single. Not being able to work means I have limited funds and as soon as you mention chronic illness nobody wants to know. I suffer with being lonely as its just me and my dog. I guess maybe dating someone with a chronic illness might be beneficial as they may understand better the daily struggles a bit more. I just don't want to pay extortionate fees for a dating site etc. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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Comments

  • Kimmy87
    Kimmy87 Online Community Member Posts: 3,181 Championing

    My advice would be to increase your social circle and if you can, get out and about in the community more. A relationship might follow.

    I'm 37 and feel similarly about finding that special someone, I do all the right things but never get anywhere. I've been alone practically my whole life and am not particularly optimistic about that ever changing.

  • Sunman81
    Sunman81 Online Community Member Posts: 13 Connected

    Thanks for your reply. I live in a village admittedly the town is only a short drive away Howe there don't seem much going on . I've tried going to cafes and parks with the dogs but apart from the odd chat or small talk with strangers I don't seem to get anywhere. I lost so much confidence in myself since my health issues were diagnosed. Like you I can't see much hope in things changing. I do try and stay hopeful but it's hard.

  • Kimmy87
    Kimmy87 Online Community Member Posts: 3,181 Championing

    For social activities you could try

    https://www.meetup.com/home/

    Search Facebook for local groups, visiting your library, maybe attend church service, your GP surgery might have a social prescriber

    https://socialprescribingacademy.org.uk/what-is-social-prescribing/

  • Ranald
    Ranald Online Community Member Posts: 620 Empowering
    edited January 23

    Apart from a nearly eight year relationship, which ended in 2008, I have lived lone all my life.

    I shall turn 50 in June, and don't see anything changing in that regard.

    Whilst money isn't everything; by my age, it might be expected that a guy is solvent enough to take a lady out, buy her nice gifts, foreign travel etc. Not bumping along on state benefits, living in a 1 bed council house. What I mean is that it might be fine to be skint in your 20s, when you still have your looks, but maybe a bit sad by 49 (sans looks).

    In order to meet anyone in all honesty, would require me to actually go out more. The love of my life is unlikely to come knocking at the door!

    Yes, i take my dog out for 2 hours daily, but like Sunman says, all that leads to is maybe a few exchanged pleasantries about the weather or the dog; and those exchanges markedly less frequent, since the mobility scooter was introduced into the equation!

    No, i'm not hopeful of a reprieve.

  • Sunman81
    Sunman81 Online Community Member Posts: 13 Connected

    You have completely described my life right there. I live in a 1 bed bungalow that's housing association. I had to give work up due to my health. So not financially we'll off.

  • Ranald
    Ranald Online Community Member Posts: 620 Empowering
  • Sunman81
    Sunman81 Online Community Member Posts: 13 Connected

    LOl

  • Ranald
    Ranald Online Community Member Posts: 620 Empowering

    But after 10 years…how do you look in a frock and heels? You'll need to have a good shave as well!

  • Sunman81
    Sunman81 Online Community Member Posts: 13 Connected

    Lol 😆 🤣

  • WhatThe
    WhatThe Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 3,355 Championing

    I guess maybe dating someone with a chronic illness might be beneficial as they may understand better the daily struggles a bit more.

    Let me tell you there isn't a woman alive who doesn't know what pain and struggle feels like!

  • WhatThe
    WhatThe Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 3,355 Championing

    it might be expected that a guy is solvent enough to take a lady out, buy her nice gifts, foreign travel etc

    Guys, I have never expected or wanted this from anyone and I'm on benefits!

    You can see on First Dates that some women do expect (and want) to be treated for the pleasure of their company 🙄 but many more who don't.

    Personally, I wouldn't respond to anyone looking for a 'lady' but then again I've never used a dating website. Other women might not mind especially if they're at least 85 years old. Don't use euphemisms. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

    Cafes, parks, libraries and on public transport is where you'll meet somebody if you're not working so just keep doing what you are doing 😊

  • Kimmy87
    Kimmy87 Online Community Member Posts: 3,181 Championing

    I agree, I'm looking for a partner not a meal ticket. I'm financially comfortable myself anyway.

  • WhatThe
    WhatThe Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 3,355 Championing

    I can advise that a late evening text, call or email to someone you barely know is never a good idea. I had one guy text me "good night" the same day I stupidly gave him my number. Another guy who kept sending me late texts despite asking him not to. I've had a "You look nice, do you want my number?" in the park 🙄

    What else would you guys like to know about these exotic creatures called women? Ask away. We don't bite!

  • michael57
    michael57 Online Community Member Posts: 1,013 Championing

    haha we dont bite the female praying mantis have 5 eyes they are skilled hunters masters of disguise and bite the heads off the male after mating stay safe out there guys i will stick with my dawnie

  • Sunman81
    Sunman81 Online Community Member Posts: 13 Connected

    Well it sounds like I'm not the only person who would like a partner so gives me comfort in a strange way knowing I'm not on my own in wanting something good. I live in Cambridgeshire so I don't know if there anybody out there that's up for a coffee and chat. I can only hope that I won't get much older on my own lol .

  • Ranald
    Ranald Online Community Member Posts: 620 Empowering

    Like I mentioned somewhere on here, I have been married and have 2 grown up daughters. I had all the right tools to attract a partner. I had several short relationships from dating sites after divorce, and the usual encounters in pubs, nightclubs etc in my youth.

    The point I am making is that when you add a mobility scooter into the mix, it changes things. I am now pretty much invisible, and have no friends. The cloak of invisibility was instantaneous, no friends took a bit of time.

    There is nothing going on locally, not that I have ever found anyway. There will be millions llike me, and most days, i'm not thinking about "dating". Just have the odd flare up when it is mentioned!

  • WhatThe
    WhatThe Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 3,355 Championing

    Sunman, this isn't a dating site. It's a forum where you can begin to chat with people and make friends here.

    In order to meet anyone in all honesty, would require me to actually go out more. The love of my life is unlikely to come knocking at the door!

    Ranald is right.

  • Ranald
    Ranald Online Community Member Posts: 620 Empowering

    Steady on now, please don't destabilise me by saying i'm right about something!

    I think Sunman is right to mention dating, as long as it is done in a respectful fashion, which I think it was.

    Of course we must all remember that not all members will be interested in that sort of thing, and I will also bear that in mind. Sorry if anyone offended by anything ive said here.

  • Sunman81
    Sunman81 Online Community Member Posts: 13 Connected

    HI all I think there been some sort of confusion I know it's not a dating site. I'd not or never will use a dating site. I've said in my posts that I like to meet people the old fashioned way.

  • Sunman81
    Sunman81 Online Community Member Posts: 13 Connected