How are you?

66Mustang

How do you reply when asked this?

I am guilty of saying "good, thanks" but am noticing an increasing amount of people saying "not too good, actually" which in a way I think is positive as it suggests people feel more able to open up and be honest.

bg844

‘All good, thanks. I trust you are too?’ 

Good to see the increase you mention too though I’m not the type to say this, I rant once in a while to someone and feel great afterwards for a few weeks lol.

Albus_Scope

Excellent question there @66Mustang and weirdly one I've been thinking about a lot recently.

I'm usually totally honest with people. But I just put that down to my autistic traits.  

"If they didn't want to know how I am, they wouldn't have asked!" 

I like that people are starting to feel more comfortable with opening up with people about their emotions.  

C_J

Good question I often reply:

"Not to bad thank you"

But if I'm not good I will say 

"I've been better"

If someone wants to know how you are they will ask or follow up on the original question but I guess it can also depend on who's asking the question and if you feel comfortable talking to them.

I don't think it's healthy to bottle things up as if you keep bottling things up it can be a little detrimental to health as your just putting more and more away bottling more and more up.

Look at it this way you can only put so much in a box before the top won't close or bursts open.

In the past talking about yourself was something that just wasn't done but I think it shows courage and is healthy to open up and talk about yourself and how you feel.

WelshBlue

I like when that question is asked in a doctors surgery.  Everyone is ... " fine/good thanks "

Beggars the one question ...

If I'm asked it, I just reply ... I woke up this morning.  That's a bonus

C_J

I don't know what happened I did post a reply but it disappeared for some reason.

I often reply with:

"Not to bad thank you"

But if I'm not to good I will often say:

"I've been better"

woodbine

I find it easier to say "no better no worse" saves a lot of explanation

Sandy_123

I asked an elderly gentleman that once when I was at work, he said what  if i say no I'm not OK, I said then I'm all ears and a problem shared is a problem halved. He did tell me what was wrong and I advised him what to do. 

OverlyAnxious

I hate that question.  I don't remember the last time I was genuinely 'good'.  And in my case, there is nothing anyone could say or do to change that, so a problem shared is a problem doubled!!  I don't want to spread negativity and have other people worrying about me.  If it's written in an email, I will just ignore it and reply to the rest of the text.

However...  I do occasionally get asked by neighbours when taking the bins out.  In that instance I will just default to 'not bad, you?'...  And they will respond with something like 'yeah, same'...even when we are both visibly the opposite of that!   

Biblioklept

Before I even read the post, just seeing the title in my head I went "Fine thanks, how are you?" Because it's so programmed in my that that is the reply to it.  

I love that people are now feeling happy enough to start answering more honestly. BUT!!! (and this is definitely my own problem...) but if someone replied with anything other thank "fine thanks" or "good thanks" I'd not know what to do or how to respond. It's the one social construct I know what's expected of me  

wrnsveteran

I’m guilty of saying not bad and you or ok and you - I’ve been really down for a number of months so don’t see people much and when I do I don’t say much

I feel a bit isolated  but k am ok with my own company but feel I’m losing social skills -
I’ve just had a horrendous chest infection
I can put up with a lot but this has been horrid
having had serious back pain ankolising spondylitis and spondliliothesis fibromyalgia and now arthritis I’m falling apart ! 😂 but this chest infection / flu has floored me for 5 days now - felt really poorly but doctors have been great 


66Mustang said:

How do you reply when asked this?

I am guilty of saying "good, thanks" but am noticing an increasing amount of people saying "not too good, actually" which in a way I think is positive as it suggests people feel more able to open up and be honest.

SWOWdrOthE

Having a hearing impairment unless I'm home alone there's always an issue for me with loud noises amongst others things so yeah when people ask 'how are you' I do the common society thing 'good thanks and you' like most people from the comments on here, but in all honesty I'm not okay but I feel folk don't wanna hear that so kept it to myself and that's been it for 44 years sad but true.

Shastus

I always say “I’m Fine” because I can’t be bothered telling people how I really feel, because I used to tell people I felt rough, gut pain, totally drained because stoma bag burst during the night and had to have a bath clean the bed put fresh bedding on and PJs, then there’s the dehydration problems, angina the tons of meds I take etc. etc. then next time I see them they ask the same question because they’re not really listening in the first place. So it’s much easier to say “I’m Fine”

SWOWdrOthE

Shastus said:

I always say “I’m Fine” because I can’t be bothered telling people how I really feel, because I used to tell people I felt rough, gut pain, totally drained because stoma bag burst during the night and had to have a bath clean the bed put fresh bedding on and PJs, then there’s the dehydration problems, angina the tons of meds I take etc. etc. then next time I see them they ask the same question because they’re not really listening in the first place. So it’s much easier to say “I’m Fine”

That must be really difficult to deal with, it's not something I know a lot about but I hope there is some help to make your life easier out there somewhere and you receive it.  Puts my hearing and tinnitus into prospective.

Biblioklept

SWOWdrOthE said:

Having a hearing impairment unless I'm home alone there's always an issue for me with loud noises amongst others things so yeah when people ask 'how are you' I do the common society thing 'good thanks and you' like most people from the comments on here, but in all honesty I'm not okay but I feel folk don't wanna hear that so kept it to myself and that's been it for 44 years sad but true.

I want to know. What's going one with you @SWOWdrOthE?  

bigrobfm

I usually say to people “I’m fine thanks” as I live in sheltered housing and seem to be surrounded by people who are a lot worse off health wise, but am increasingly feeling that I should tell people exactly how I am!

TonyLongfield

I refuse to play that silly social ritual of not really wanting to know how I am -  so now say "I could be worse" as that is my reality. Seeing me to be in a wheel-chair they either smile and walk off or a few ask more questions. Having a rare incurable and progressive muscular atrophy, I am in truth very lucky since it does not affect the brain nor life expectancy - hence my "could be worse" reply. Tony

Dubz

I’ve always been honest. 

Sabz85

Exulansis

(n.) the tendency to give up trying to talk about an experience because people are unable to relate to it.

This is me at present, going into my 4th decade of life and realised empathy is not a trait many have, and most people don’t actually care unless it impacts them or a loved one directly… I tend to mask a lot (due to fear, shame, judgement, stigma) surrounding invisible disability sometimes literally “mask” with make up but then when you stop doing that everyone’s like oh my goodness what’s wrong with you, you look awful! It’s really easy to educate oneself these days all the information is in the palm of our hands but people don’t want to learn or understand unless it effects them.

Daren68

My automatic reply is always "I'm OK thanks how are you?" I wish I could tell people how I really feel but I think people always have problems of their own. I'm so happy to hear that others are actually managing to tell people that they aren't doing so well but I'm devastated that so many of us really arent

Bettahm

Hate that question and dont respond to it.
I just change the subject or stay quiet.