Suspected AuDHD at 56 (is it or am I being daft?)

Scrumptious67

I've had problems my whole life with feeling like I don't fit in, of being different, "shy", "bookish", and of feeling completely overwhelmed at frequent points in my life but especially around sad events (though put on a brave face and am the one that manages to keep it together, until much later when it inevitably hits me). I hate social situations but have learnt over the years to make small talk for short periods of time until I find an excuse to escape.

Through school (which I hated and spent very little time there), I usually had 1 or 2 close friends and again, would get overwhelmed if anyone else joined us. I've always been rubbish at maths but excelled at English and Science subjects. I hated sports like netball and hocky but enjoyed trampoline, tennis and javelin.

At work, I'd get into trouble as I could never ignore wrongdoing and could never get to grips with the workplace hierarchy games, and would end up getting sacked and in later years, made redundant.

Ove the years I've had special interests and have always had an enormous love of animals. I can't bear labels in clothes, have problems with socks and can't wear crew necks (scarves are tolerated if looses). I have special spoons and only drink from 1 mug.

I only drive locally as there's too much going on and too much to do on faster roads and get highly anxious if I don't know where I'm going or what to expect.

I'll stop there (but could obviously go on!). ;)

So, before I spend time getting an appointment with my GP. What do you all think? Is it a possibility that I'm either ADHD or autistic or both? Or would I be wasting my time?

Input would very much be appreciated and I realise you can't diagnose, but from what I've said above, is it worth my while going to see my GP? Are there resources I should check before going to my GP?

Thank you in advance. :)

66Mustang

I have autism and can relate lots to like 2/3rds of your post

The rest I know / know of others with autism who can probably relate

I would ask, and sorry to state the obvious, but your issues are what they are and won’t change overnight based on a diagnosis. What are you hoping to achieve by giving these traits a name?

If it’s just closure or some kind of affirmation then you may well get that, but I was diagnosed at age 10 and it really made no difference to my life. I was never given any special treatment (not that I’m accusing you of wanting this) or assistance purely based on my diagnosis, but rather on the manifestation of my symptoms and difficulties, which existed anyway

I hope this makes sense, and hope it helps a little bit

Good luck with whatever you decide to do 😊

Scrumptious67

Thank you for your response @66Mustang. I guess it's because I'm seeking answers to the difficulties I've experienced throughout my life and feel so exhausted with it all. I've worked on myself to change inevitable outcomes but it hasn't helped, I still struggle immensely internally and have been unable to defend myself when things go wrong.

I suppose I need something that I can defend myself with since I can't change the traits and maybe having the diagnosis will mean I can stop beating myself up for being not good enough. I'm not wanting any special treatment, I've somehow got through 40 years of working without that, but just some understanding and assistance to help me to work and stay in work and take the pressure off. If I have the diagnosis, then there is a certain protection in that under employment law in the form of reasonable adjustments. Did you never ask for or receive reasonable adjustments in the workplace?

WhatThe

Hi Scrumptious, as a late diagnosed woman, I assure you it is life-changing to find out about autism!

Despite being on medication and in therapy for most of my life, no professional suggested I might be, not one! Thousands upon thousands of girls and women have been overlooked until very recently.

I began with information from the National Autistic Society about The Lorna Wing Centre and the diagnostic process through the NHS. You can receive lots of free leaflets about the condition. The possible traits are fascinating and you will soon know whether you are autistic/ADD by reading other literature plus people's experiences through the Scope forum. Getting someone to understand/believe you/give you the diagnosis is the main battle (well it was for me) and it begins with a GP referral for an assessment, yes.

Scrumptious67

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/867189#Comment_867189

Thank you @WhatThe it sounds like you've been through the mill with it all. I'm sorry it took so long for you, it must have been very frustrating.

I'll look into the National Autistic Society and The Lorna Wind centre as suggested. Thank you for that. Can I ask how things have changed for you since being diagnosed if you don't mind saying?

66Mustang

Sorry I can't comment on the work side as I've never felt able to work. However I got a bit of help (not enough) at school but none of this was based on my diagnosis but a more reactive approach to my symptoms if that makes sense??

Maybe this is because I went to school 20 years ago - if I was a child today I may have gotten more support perhaps, seeing as they didn't really understand it 20 years ago, even with the diagnosis

I think you have a good point actually that people in the workplace maybe need labels before they will help so that's maybe a reason to get a diagnosis! I guess if you just asked for adjustments with no formal evidence/reason it might be harder to get those adjustments

I respect the other opinion posted in this thread but I just thought I'd share my experience which is that the official diagnosis didn't provide any benefit to me at school or through life and stuff like that, I apologise though if anyone was upset and thought I was trying to suggest that a diagnosis doesn't matter, it's important to know of course, but I was just giving my opinion

I don't know if the persons gender matters personally but I would like to defend myself and say that having autism as a boy is in fact not a non-event. However I do have other complications in that I question my gender, I don't identify as female though, but nor male, if that makes sense.

Maybe if I was happy just being male the autism would indeed have been a walk in the park, who knows??

Jimm_Scope

Your opinion is still entirely valid @66Mustang . I think @WhatThe was in part referencing that women and girls have historically been under-diagnosed with Autism/ADHD, in part because many of the traits that were 'expected' from girls also happened to be some of the signs of autism and ADHD. I don't think they meant to imply that it is otherwise a 'non-event'.

I think with people who have it diagnosed as an adult it answers a lot of questions about the self. Let me give my own experience. I have tried a lot of things in my life before I was diagnosed, and I have failed at many of them. I didn't know why I was failing, I kept trying to do things the same way as everyone else around me and kept failing. So I blamed myself, there must have been something wrong with me as a person, that I just wasn't good enough.

Being diagnosed meant that there was in a way, an explanation other than being a bad person/a failure. I had a condition that meant doing things the same way as everyone else wasn't the way my brain worked. I have to adapt to fit the situation, or adapt the situation to fit me.

It helped me reconsider the very strong internal idea that I was, at my core, not good enough. Just that helped me immensely.

WhatThe

Hi 66Mustang, my daughter also went to school 20 years ago but autism was overlooked for her perhaps because she was sociable and expressive. We were told by a counsellor at her secondary school that it wasn't even possible for a child to become depressed 🙄

She excelled in education and employment, I flunked both, She has amazing friends, I don't. I was able to meet her needs because of my emotional intelligence not academic success or expertise. Support can come from anywhere but it's thin on the ground for us all. That's why we're chatting on the Scope forum! 😁

I've read that many autistic people are gender fluid/bi-curious/gay but I have no experience of that.

Thanks Jimm for that.

WhatThe

Can I ask how things have changed for you since being diagnosed if you don't mind saying?

Scrumptious, I will come back to you when I can give this some thought. I was 54 and it was a 2-year battle to get the second assessment and confirmation..

WhatThe

"Aspergirls" by Rudy Simone lists specific differences between the sexes well enough to persuade me to seek diagnosis if that's any help, 66Mustang

Amaya_Ringo

I was diagnosed at 23? I think? Something like that. A number of small crises happened between around 18 and 22, which led me to decide to pursue it. Family were not sure if it was a good idea but supported me. I was employed at the time and had finished a degree at university. But there were things and they were struggles. For example, I can't navigate hardly at all, so was constantly in trouble at university for missing classes because I couldn't find the classroom. This was some years ago now but I still have dreams about not finding rooms on campuses (lol).

I think whether to get diagnosed or not is a separate question to whether you have autism and/or ADHD. I feel like it's something very personal, and it is a good idea to work out what the benefits are to you to have an answer. Some people prefer not to pursue that path because they don't think they need to. I needed to. I've never regretted it.

I completed my undergrad degree but it was hugely stressful and traumatic in places. I got a job but it was after a first job that lasted 9 days and ended in meltdown because of bullying by one of my supervisors (nine days. That's all it took). And someone I thought was a friend told me I had no feelings because I didn't immediately see their point of view (they later apologised and said they were out of line but it deeply hurt me). Those were triggers on my path I guess.

Since my diagnosis I now have a word. The word doesn't change me. It allows me to explain to people who otherwise wouldn't understand. It has also given me confidence to realise what I have achieved rather than constantly feeling left behind. My first autism mentor told me all these things I'd never do, but I proved her wrong on every single one. Is my life perfect? No, of course not. Are there things I'd like to change? Yes, of course. But at least now I have the 50% of my disability that I can take charge of within my control. Just waiting for the 50% that is society to catch up.

I also have dyscalculia and I learned recently my navigational issues are probably a separate thing, but the UK doesn't diagnose for it. My whole family also think I have ADHD, but I see no point in getting screened for it because for me ADHD and autism overlap so much the one diagnosis is enough.

But just because for me the diagnosis was a good thing, it isn't everyone's answer. And it won't solve all the problems. It just might help resolve some questions and that in itself can be a good thing.

Albus_Scope

I think we will all have different experiences with our diagnosis, as our autism, although it will have many similarities, will always be different from one person to the next as it's a spectrum. 🙂 Also things are a lot different these days, so although we don't have as much support, we do have access to a whole world(wide web) of information at our fingertips, so we can look for support networks online. Something that wasn't available back in t'day.

My life has changed so much in the 18 months since my late diagnosis, it's caused a lot of questions to finally have answers, but there's also that mourning period and feelings of "What if I found out sooner?" so although it can be a very difficult time emotionally, it can also be an exciting time of self discovery.

Being diagnosed young can have a huge impact as well though. There's no real right or wrong, better or worse. We just need to all support each other as neurospicy folk in a neurotypical world. 🙂

WhatThe

problems with socks

Scrumptious, reading a story about boy who had to wear his socks inside out was the moment I thought ha ha I understand him, I like autism! It makes sense to wear them inside out not that I do, do you?

My GP's first reaction was "But you've managed all this time" which I clearly hadn't. It took a lot of persuasion and evidence for her to refer me twice for assessment. Then came disappointment that it didn't seem to matter to most people around me or the world at large!

I've read members describe reels and replays of their life going further and further back. Mine flashed constantly at first then random now occasional and they all provide insight into this puzzle called autism - the word, the disability, why we've struggled and struggle.

You sound a lot more stable than I was at that time but others on this forum describe a degree of shock and a period of mourning for what could have been…

As an avid reader, you may find the research easier to digest than I did and it should be a positive experience for you. EVERYTHING is better now I'm aware of my sensory disorders, difficulties with communication and social situations. Having this puzzle unlocked teaches me to recognise and accept my limitations. I'd been fighting myself and the world until then.

Scrumptious67

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/867317#Comment_867317

Thank you for repyling Amaya_Ringo. It sounds it really was beneficial to you to get the diagnosis after struggling so long. I think you hit on something for me when you said "It has also given me confidence to realise what I have achieved rather than constantly feeling left behind". That feeling of being left behind is a constant for me and I think a diagnosis would allow me to take the pressure off myself and fully acknowledge what I have already achieved and continue to achieve (even if I don't fully complete), amongst other things. Even if some days it's just getting out of bed!

Scrumptious67

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/867688#Comment_867688

The "what if I found out sooner" is the bit I don't want to go through. :( Would it really have made a difference is a question none of us will ever have the answer to and that may be for the best. I do like the sound of self-discovery though and I'm glad to hear there are many positives to celebrate. Thank you.

Scrumptious67

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/867691#Comment_867691

@WhatThe thanks so much for coming back to me. I'm really glad to hear you've had such positive experiences and how things have improved for you since diagnosis. That gives me hope. :)

I've never even thought of wearing my socks inside out! :D I apparently refused point blank to wear any shoes or socks when I was a kid and I have distinct memories of constantly having injured feet (my mum was into crafts which made this a certainty), glass, pins, sewing needles, staples and a rusty old nail amongst others. I still carry one particularly nasty scar on the ball of my foot. My mum couldn't stand the sight of blood so I guess that's why I eventually lost that battle. Please don't get me started on bra's! 😤😆

I think "accepting my limitations" is one of the things I struggle with the most but really need to because it's caused unrelenting anxiety and impacted on my physical health. No doubt being so stubborn has got me this far but now I need to find a way to let that go.

Do you have any tips for the best way to approach the GP as I feel it may be a battle for me too.

WhatThe

Like Amaya, I have no regrets. I'm also not clear on autism v ADHD.

I didn't understand the references to disability and felt alarmed when I read about this afterwards. Not me I thought, I'm just unwell, just been ill most of my life..

The term 'learning disability' took a long time to accept which makes sense if I have one and I now see that I do and did.

No doubt being so stubborn has got me this far - for sure 😄

In terms of physical health, autism is linked to the alimentary canal meaning eating disorders, digestive disorders and disease are common. Stress catches up with us all.

Your GP may want you to complete their own questionnaire but there are many online to download and take in. The Patients Charter outlines the referrals process. You can ring or email the NAS for advice and support throughout this.

My first referral for assessment wasn't a battle and it's not likely to be for you so keep your hopes up. The more you read about autism, the better you can present your case. Practice managers are instructed to turn down a certain number of requests so stay in touch with your GP if you don't hear back. For the assessment I was asked to provide a statement from someone who knew me as a child. I took along my medical records, primary and secondary school reports plus teenage diaries.

GP's aren't keen on Dr Google telling them what is what but I was distressed and confused so my approach was chaotic. Mine is lovely, she just didn't know anything about women on the spectrum and wanted information about it. I now know I'm not clear and coherent in speech at the best of times anyway. Take someone with you if possible.

Tanga

At 68 I have only very recently discovered that I am autistic, possibly with an attention deficit element. This has been backed up by a neuropsychologist who I was seeing for my Long Covid neurology issues. She raised the subject, not me! She said that I have been masking all my life and has referred me for official diagnosis. I know it wont make any difference medically, but knowing has explained so very much in my life. Its been wonderful! Hardly a day goes by when I dont go 'oh! I see now, that explains it'. Oh so many things. And a little bit of decades of guilt/tension/puzzlement/blame etc drops away. It has even stopped a cause of stress between myself and my partner. He now knows I'm not ignoring him when I dont hear what he says, when I talk over him, or dont appear to respond etc. He gives a little smile now instead of feeling hurt. Diagnosis will also mean people will believe me.

NDmummy

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/118273/suspected-audhd-at-56-is-it-or-am-i-being-daft

@Scrumptious67 First no your not being daft, your looking for answers. There are many on-line self tests which could clarify some things for you, but I would if I were you go to GP and see if under choose and book they could refer you for assessment. You stand very little chance of an NHS dx at moment, I was referred November 2017, still not seen. I went private, don't know if choose and book was available then. I had gone back to Uni and needed to know, so I used student loan to pay, I had asked for ASD/ADHD assessment I got ADHD , when I asked about ASD was told "good God yes of course you are, but if you want proof it will cost another £3k for ASD assessment" I didn't go there. The NHS service contacted me late 2022 as they were triaging their huge waiting list. So now I get called once a year or so , think it's to check I haven't died. Much of what you wrote resonates with me, never finding my tribe, chaotic, sometimes dangerous behaviours when younger, always believing I was wrong, broken, lost. Like you say so many things that we could write books. I think it is valid wanting to make sense of your life, getting a sense of understanding , I was relieved when dx'd but was not ready for the grief reaction that hit me. Sad about lost opportunities, all the what if's, some regrets, but past is past and we can't fix the past but we can learn to forgive ourselves and move on. So I was dx'x at 56, too late to save my degree course. I kept trying to complete but my card was marked. If you want to know go for it, being diagnosed as a child can give you the opportunity to grow into understanding yourself but even now it is no guarantee of effective support in education, but like you say it can give you access to legal protection. WE are not broken, WE are not less than and WE can be awesome given the opportunity. Be proud of yourself to have gotten this far in an uneven playing field, I am seriously impressed that I got to my current age, looking back it's a miracle I survived. Good Luck

Scrumptious67

@Tanga It sounds like being diagnosed has been a very positive experience for you. That is really nice to hear and gives me hope. Thank you for sharing. I love that your partner just gives a knowing little smile now. ;)

Can I ask if and how it affected you in the workplace? It's a difficult area for me, so much so that now I've been made redundant I'm having panic attacks just at the thought of getting back into work and going through the same old cycle again.

Scrumptious67

@NDmummy Thank you for the validation and the valuable advice which I'll take on board :).

Ahh yes, I often wonder how I've made it this far too! I feel an overwhelming NEED to rest and seek isolation, dreaming of moving to some far off island somewhere away from other human beings. Just to be left in blissful peace.

I've started to look into things and have been doing a little research after being directed to some resources by @WhatThe and have just read an article about autistic people being more likely to speak up at work. It was a positive article but speaking up at work and supporting those that need to, has been a real issue for me and got me into trouble. The article really hit a chord with me as I am unable to simply ignore wrongdoing if I see it and causes major anxiety. I wish I could ignore it but my brain won't allow it. I don't know yet how to cope with that. :( Any tips are very much appreciated.