Suspected AuDHD at 56 (is it or am I being daft?)
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to be honest I cant remember anything that obviously was affected by it in work. I know I enjoyed things that were defined, like accounts/book keeping etc. I enjoyed work where I gave people information. I was praised by a manager for having a tendency to tell her/give her facts/what she actually needed rather than what she asked for and thought she wanted!
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I so know what you mean about not being able to bite your tongue, years as a senior staff nurse tried several times for promotion but always the bridesmaid never the bride. A consultant I hadn't seen for a few years asked me Sister ? when I said no he said all you have to do is keep quiet and bite your tongue, just till you get the post. I told him I tried it once lasted a month and it nearly killed me. As for how to cope with it, well it got my card marked for refusing to play the nasty politics , a colleague with MS was bullied into medical retirement, she was fighting so they trumped up some imaginary mistakes and complaints, I stood up for her at the disciplinary hearing, when no one else would. They got rid of her and I became next in line. I'd do the same again. Think if it's minor things , not dangerous or not bullying I learnt to pick my fights. When a manager would try to undermine me or bully me I developed a poker face. Inside I'd be seething, lots of expletives , but I would smile, agree with whatever they were saying in a vague non committal way then make my excuses and walk. Funniest was when a manager had had a talking to from a senior, He spluttered at me about how he had been caught off guard , some figures or something he should have forwarded and that they were needed today , I responded with " and you want me to do what with this information " didn't earn myself any favours. So sometimes just need to take a deep breath and think is it worth it, or more to the point are they worth it, always give a second chance, but never forget.
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With regards to work, the biggest challenge for me is getting through the interview. I am very bad at them. Let's leave it there. The problem is that none of the standard stereotypical adjustments are helpful to me, since first point is can I find the place, let alone get into it. And giving me more time to answer a question I can't remember is…also not helpful. I get fed up with being scored against nondisabled people ON POINTS.
This happened at my current workplace, so I currently have the lowest rank job and the fewest hours. BUT. I have proven that I can do the job, even if I can't talk to someone in an interview. And I actually love the colleagues who got the positions ahead of me. One in particular. But now I need more hours. And I would rather have them where I work now, because I can find it and know what I'm doing - but it's a public sector job and currently political parties are queuing up to cut chunks off the funding, so good luck with any extra hours coming up any time soon…I work with the public, I have always done this, I love doing this. Do I like people in my space outside of work? No. But at work, do I like helping people? Yes. It's very weird. I'm really good at customer service. But when I get out of work, the work switch goes off and I'm in travel home mode, do not disturb xD.
I finished study right before the pandemic, I had a lot of trouble finding work of any kind after because I was so disjointed and our lockdown lasted longer. I had one job chance I had to turn down mid-pandemic because of no relocation support. I just feel like more than the job itself, the actually GETTING INTO A JOB is harder. I can't work full time either - my brain can manage 25 hours in a week before it starts to implode - so that's also a challenge. No transport, no interview skills and no full time hours = limited opportunities despite my experience and qualifications being pretty good.
For me the week or two before an interview, and the time after waiting for the result is a meltdown situation. Most people don't have to do job interviews when they're also in fight or flight mode. Maybe if more NT people had to do a job interview while being chased by a bull, the playing field would be more level…something to consider.I did have a situation at a previous job where they pushed me to apply for a promotion and put me through all that stress only to give the job to someone else. That did a LOT of damage at the time. So yeah. Getting into work is the biggest challenge.
Also, Albus, I don't know if you meant it or if it was a typo, but I love neurospicy xD.
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I'm 52 diagnosed bpd bdd pmdd dyslexic to the point don't know alphabet after all these years still can't get right don't know how to put capital letters full stop ect I'm awaiting adhd test 100 percent have adhd and autism makes the most sense don't get comfort from people an hour in anyones company and I'm drained spent hours in my own head get very angry rages talk non stop iny head don't like being touched stared at haven't been able yo hold jobs down I always feel overwhelmed my life is actually unbearable at the moment have menopause and it's ramped everything up and with goverment saying disabled go back to work I'm terrified I know I want make it I'm so tired of the constant noise in my head all saying bad things I cant deal with this I'm drained
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I'm so sorry things are affecting you so much recently @Catherine21 we're all here to help you get thorugh it though. 😊
Interestingly, many women are misdiagnosed with BPD, when it's actually autism. It's frustratingly common.2 -
It makes sense to me and now thier saying disabled go back to work I cant eat sleep have rages and meltdowns and now I'm completely drained I always pretend I'm OK but I cant hide it get rages with family friends it's just constant in my head all the time
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The politicians are being very vague about everything right now, I've seen "those that can work, should work" which I don't see as an attack on disabled folk. I'm trying not to let it get to me too much. We'll have a better picture of things in a few weeks hopefully. I hope the brain calms down for you soon. Have you spoken to your GP about all of this? It may be worth getting back in touch with them for a catch up.
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Yes I'm doing one to one managing emotions thankyou
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Oh thankyou x
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I'm a great one for fairness and had a boss who absolutely drove me insane her voice the way she looked at people like thier crazy! And I had Monday to Friday job in care she moved me next door which involved night shifts longer hours I didn't relize at the time I was burnt out I got signed off I got rage and started a witch hunt on her I have pmdd as well I was phoning leaving messages on the works answer machine just had no fear it went on and on I'm sure I had a breakdown I got arrested and warned obviously lost the job after that I've totally isolated myself but when I think somethings not fair I go in on it
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So true I'm having one ro one sessions on controlling my emotions my trouble is I have no attention span I go into my own little world but still appear to listening and not! That's why spelling bad never focused listen dyslexic the one thing I did retain breathing methods I'm always envious of people who just get on with life relationships and work I cant trust myself to go to work everyday I have major meltdowns cant leave the house literally my mind and body won't let me
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Oh bless you thankyou most my life was given to masking and I didn't relize it all makes sense now I also developed body dismorphia they say personality disorder but sure adhd and I'm dyslexic I never listened at school always aware of how I was acting how i looked not in a vain way in a repulsive way I haven't had a real career feel at 52 scared vulnerable by the politicians saying really made me look at myself and see I have no skills and that's really scary I don't trust myself to look after myself of that makes sense
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I too was a nurse, and I know I am "on the spectrum" and my autistic son laughs at my ADHD traits though I wouldn't bother seeking a diagnosis now I've reached 70, especially as I'm the carer and supporter of 3 adult children so I don't really have that cliche of "choice".
But I am sorry for all you have gone through as a nurse, but I believe the problem is the toxic nature of people who choose a caring profession then turn out to be the least caring colleagues and managers. In my opinion, there is something amiss in how people are selected to have such jobs on the assumption that academic A* is a good way of identifying intelligence.
OK, so I stated I assume I am autistic…lol…and I was reading SIgmund Freud at age 15, alongside Motorcycle Mechanics and a Lambretta workshop manual, but crack on a few years, failing GCSE, but succeeding at Master's level clinical modules, but the latter was mostly at my own expense and time because managers and colleagues saw me as "different", being described by some as aloof, another "you're approachable and friendly once we get to know you", and best of all, "odd but nice".
I wondered, when I defaulted to nursing because my sisters were nurses, how so many in charge of care could be so horrible. This was experienced from age 16 as a nursing cadet, psychiatric training at age 19, and being a junior general nurse in my 20's. There is a book called "The Dark Side of Nursing" by Ingrid Teresa Pryde who wrote about her experiences of being bullied as a nurse, by nurses and other colleagues.
Since I was searching for psychological research on my thoughts on academic qualifications does not seem to attract the best people for the job, and realising my middle child was clearly "different", even from 2 weeks old, I really buy into the views of Howard Gardner, an American psychologist intelligence theory of multiple intelligences where I suspect autism is just a new kind of normal and part of where people like us, with a different insight should be recognised and respected for not enjoying the Friday night party, but have enhanced abilities, maybe at the deficit of other abilities such as linguistic, logic/mathematical, spatial, body kinetic, musical, interpersonal, natural, and critical.
In my opinion, many who get into medical school as highly intelligent, have been trained to pass exams, not necessarily really understand concepts, and can have a huge lack of intuition and emotional intelligence and so can be very dangerous in roles of caring and working with others.
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I'm probably on that list as I relate to a lot of what you have said (and thank you for the "but do I really want to know YOU" reflection, because I've noticed some neurotypical generally assume everyone wants to be in their company, and that they have the right to dictate who is and isn't socially acceptable. While mostly being horrible people.
What I understand less is why the nicer NT people just go along with it. Is it just too much effort to fight back?As I said before, I'm quite lucky in my workplace. But I have one NT colleague who is lovely but every time I talk to her I feel like her comments are a trick question, or that she's looking for some nuance that I haven't put there. I'll ask a question and she'll answer in such an unexpected way, I wonder what signals I'm inadvertently giving out.
We do get along fine. It's just she's way NT and I'm way ND and sometimes we're speaking different languages.
I also have a couple of ND colleagues. I never have this issue with them, but random conversations are a lot more common ;)0 -
I have met some really quite nice, generally, NT peeps, I think the reason they don't speak out is whilst we are being scapegoated they can join in with the popular gang , gain brownie points and keep their heads below the parapet.
They conflate masking with being devious or lying/hiding but they are the ones who tend to not say what they mean and then blame us for not knowing what they mean. eeL the moral compass and compassion thing rings very true, I have had people tell me just bite your tongue, keep your head down and you'll get that job, that promotion, that pay rise, but I just couldn't, I hate bullies or managers who act like bullies and always demean or humiliate the most fragile and I go in guns blazing. It never helped me but it helped the other person , the victim see that not everyone is so cruel. Cost me in many ways but I'd do the same again, every time.
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Yes, had a long, one of the many long discussions with my number 2 son. He has a real passion for doing right, standing up for the little person to the point I've had nightmares about him being the person who ends up getting hurt or killed to protect someone else. We had a discussion about why NT's can be so cruel and vindictive to those who are different, and that we are deemed to not understand or comprehend empathy. Came to the conclusion that NT's should be grateful that we are so empathic, because we have been so traumatised by life, we know how painful it can be and we choose to not inflict that on others because we know we could really inflict trauma and we are better than that.
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