18 year old son will not leave bedroom

BBROTHER

my son who has just turned 18 has not been out of his room for at least 6 months now. It was his birthday yesterday we had all the family round and he would not come down or even open his cards. Its so upsetting we dont know what to do who to turn to as he refuses any type of intervention. He is diagnosed adhd but has not taken meds for 3 years. If we try and discuss with him he gets very angry (lost count of the smashed doors etc). He passed his GCSE but then dropped out of college he has also stopped eating regularly for days with no food….HELP!

Passerby

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/139425/18-year-old-son-will-not-leave-bedroom

You should approach a medical doctor or mental health professional first, as they can provide a professional assessment and guidance. Try to speak to your own GP about this, and I'm sure they'll guide you on what to do next.

Mary_Scope

Hi @BBROTHER and a warm welcome to the community from me!

This sounds like a very stressful situation for you, how are you doing at the moment?

Do you think something has happened to triggered this? Were there been any recent changes in his mood or behavior before this period started?

Also, have you reached out to his GP or any mental health services for advice as Passerby has suggested? Sometimes a professional can guide you on what to do next without your son needing to “agree” to anything first.

We're also going to pop you an email in a while so please look out for it

OverlyAnxious

I think birthdays are often more important to relatives than the person who's birthday it is. I was never particularly bothered about them myself. Still don't see the point in cards. (I reluctantly send a few due to obligation.)

Obviously there's more going on here than just that, but I feel you might have taken the occasion harder than your son has. Did he ask for any relatives to visit? One year I specifically asked for relatives not to visit as I was struggling mentally, but they came anyway, and I just had to stay out of the way. Not sure what they thought was going to happen. If anything, it just added more guilt and burden to the way I was already feeling. Birthdays aren't a positive occasion if you feel you haven't achieved anything that year.

Having been on the other side of this, I can say that trying to 'force' him out won't necessarily improve anything, and that goes for trying to force professional help as well. He needs to find some reason to get out himself. There is no way to predict how long that could take unfortunately. Does have any hobbies at all? How does he pass the time? Trying to build on something he likes, no matter how small, is more helpful than simply being told he should go out or do something that others enjoy or even interact with relatives etc. That's just my opinion/experience though. Won't be the same for everyone.

Kookee

I was in a similar situation with my son a couple of years back but he was 25 and had no diagnosis. He was very depressed and stopped eating. He went so thin! I tried talking to him, asking him to seek medical help to no avail. What did I do? Nothing. I just let him be. I let him work it out by himself. I think it must have took 9 months for him to rejoin the world slowly but surely. It was a horrible time, the air was heavy and I was super worried. But I’m happy to say all’s going well now, he’s got a girlfriend, has reconnected with a few old friends and has a little job.