❌Anti Bullying Week – Information and Support for Parents and Carers of Disabled Children❌

We want to hear from you: please tell us about your experience of the online community.

Mary_Scope

We are in the middle of Anti-Bullying Week and this years theme is “Power for Good” which a is a powerful reminder that we all have the ability to make a positive difference.

Supporting a disabled child who is experiencing bullying can be particularly challenging, but you are not alone. I hope this post provides support, guidance and reassurance that you have the community to lean on!

Spotting the Signs

Children don’t always tell us when they’re being bullied but common signs to look out for are..

• Changes in mood or behaviour
• Avoiding school or activities
• Unexplained injuries or damaged belongings
• Trouble sleeping or eating
• A dip in school performance

How to Help Your Child

• Start the Conversation

Choose a quiet moment to talk and listen without judgment. A helpful phrase to open up the conversation may be something like "I've noticed you seem a bit quiet lately, is everything okay?" It is also good to encourage your child to share their experiences and feelings and reassure them that it's safe to express their concerns with you.

• Record What Happen

It is useful to keep detailed notes on what, when, and where incidents occur as this information will be useful when discussing the situation with school or where the bullying Is taken place.

• Work with the School

It’s really important to share your concerns with the school, ask about their anti-bullying policy and agree on next steps. Schools have a legal duty to protect your child. Here is a post about asking my child's school for a meeting & tips for a productive meeting that I hope will be helpful!

• Empower Your Child

It’s good to reassure your children that the bullying is not their fault and to help your child develop strategies to handle bullying, such as assertive communication ("stop it!") or seeking help from trusted adults.

• Know Your Rights

If bullying is related to disability then it is discrimination under the Equality Act 2010 so you have the right to escalate complaints if appropriate action is not taken to protect your child.

What are your experiences? What advice would you like to share with other parents who may be going through this with their child at the moment?

66Mustang

I experienced sustained bullying for most of my school time and never considered it a life-changing thing in isolation, but I found through therapy and other treatments that it was the first of a few waves that caused my PTSD. Essentially while it made life horrible at the time it didn’t leave me totally disabled. What it did do was pave the way so that when I went through (a totally separate series of) abuse in the subsequent decade the foundations had been made for this abuse to have life-changing effects

As I was a high performer at school nothing was done despite my parents advocating for me relentlessly. Fundamentally, I’m in support of encouraging children to stand up for themselves however my real experience was the bullies were better at playing the system and they often outnumber the victims. This meant they could persuade the teachers that they were the innocent ones; and even into punishing me for standing up for myself

In addition, this validation of the bullies by the authority figures (teachers) caused me to develop “I deserve to be bullied” beliefs; combined with the invalidation of my situation creating simultaneous “I don’t have the right to protect myself” beliefs. This caused me to accept and believe that I was being treated fairly, though I couldn’t understand why – I just knew it was “my place”

After I left school, a family member became extremely abusive (toward several family members, not just me) for many years. Most of us dealt with it but because I already had the “I deserve this” mentality that a lot of abusers work hard to instil into their victims, I was more susceptible and less resilient, so I just accepted and in some ways perversely even embraced it, as it just doubly reinforced everything I’d learnt about myself from school

I think what I’m saying is the schools need to consider the bigger picture. Bullying is just unpleasant if that’s all you’re going to have to live with – it indeed left me okay, just vulnerable, so no problem … presuming life is straightforward after that. Unfortunately, it wasn’t - and a school’s job is to prepare children for the difficulties life will throw at them… not just through academia but life skills, self-awareness, keeping yourself safe. Completely shattering the child’s defences so they’re easy prey for whoever decides to abuse or exploit that later on I’d say is inexcusable

It's probably something difficult to prove in law – if person 1 exposes a victim to danger, and then person 2 commits a crime taking advantage of that vulnerability, the law tends to hold person 2 to account… but I don't think it removes the moral culpability from person 1