Back from The Brink ...
I hope everyone is as well as can be with their various ills and the state the world is in …
Decided to post here again after taking a break from the internet and in all honesty, life in general. I thought I was in control of my PTSD and various health diagnosises until a big breakdown brought me crashing to a massive halt. Really was touch and go whether I'd step off because enough was enough. If it wasn't for my brilliant, beautiful wife, fantastic GP's and out of this world Mental Health team I really wouldn't be here without them holding my hand
I don't think any PTSD sufferer is ever out of the woods but … I'm on my 2 feet now … even if my gait is unsteady
I've now got a beautiful new 4 month old grand-daughter to focus on. In a way my life is effectively over … but want to be here as long as possible for her
Writing music has also helped me recover. If anyone is interested …
Not My Burden … about the fight with PTSD
Manchester Rain … about losing love and finding something better, weeks after coming from the darkest most dangerous places
if You Could See What I See … for my daughter, who has endured so much trauma of different kinds for someone so delicate, kind and still giving everything as a paramedic despite her MS
If anyone else is interested in my music, I'll post some more stuff …
Be safe everyone
Comments
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Hi @WelshBlue thank you for sharing your music it is amazing.
I am so very sorry you have been through such a dark time and how hard it has been for you.
You seem to have a great team around you and your wife seems an incredible support for you.
Your new granddaughter will be very special for you and will encourage you in your journey forward.
Take care.
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Great to have you back @WelshBlue! I'm with you. I've very much been in a similar place so thank you so much for sharing this, and your music. Although for some reason, I can't see Not My Burdon, I'll try again shortly.
It sounds like you have a fantastic family to be super proud of! Congratulations on your granddaughter, and hope to see more from you. Welcome back 😊
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@Catherine21 @Santosha12 @Bluebell21 @Holly_Scope … thanks for the welcome back and the kind words about my 'offerings' music wise. I must add … I write the lyrics then produce them using AI for the toons.
Weird how some play and some don't 😑
My Psychologist warned me after EMDR that I would fall again … must admit I didn't expect it to be so far and so hard. PTSD … the gift that keeps giving. All's well that ends well … hard to avoid the triggers when it's a city my wife's kidney transplant team is based, but got more coping mechanisms in my arsenal now so fingers crossed etc
And aye … the lil' one keeps me grounded … always smiling and giggling. Smitten has to be the word … her and throwing what parts of energy I can into my garden
More music …
Mirrorball Memories … a bit more upbeat but still with my trademark 'darkness' according to my daughter
Dust & Daisies … my fight with drink and narcotics as a way of coping with the past traumas
Enjoy (hopefully … 😋)
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You are very talented @WelshBlue
I found your Dust and Daisies very emotional. It was brilliant.
Thank you.
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@Catherine21 @Santosha12 @Bluebell21 … thank you so much … diolch … for the kind words. Weird how uplifting others liking my stuff makes me emotional 😴
Cardiff Rain … about doing your very best to push someone away, because you hate yourself; so why should someone else love you … but they never give up on you
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Thanks @Catherine21 and thanks @Santosha12 for the ☝️
No More Silence … the fight against being disabled, and the bigger fight against the demonising ignorance surrounding all types of disability. Until you walk in my shoes etc …
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Love "No More Silence" @WelshBlue. You're so talented!
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@Santosha12 … thanks.
I input the lyrics into the AI software, and then I play around to find the tune and voice I think best suits what I'm trying to convey … over a 100 songs now and yep, the intellectual property rights are mine, no one else can use them unless they give credit etc to me
As for the lyrics … could be half an hour, could be a couple of days if my muse isn't playing nice. I write about my life; I've been lucky (some say unlucky) to have experienced a lot … good, bad, traumatic, too near deaths and met some fantastic people … some downright evil in my travels in life.
My experiences stem from great decisions, to downright stupid ones, but hey they've shaped me, so got to embrace them all. My clinical psychologist says I should write a book, it would make people laugh out loud one page, then sob the next … maybe before I pop off this mortal coil ? But then maybe I've got too many external and internal scars to want to revisit them all ..
@Catherine21 … thank you. I find No More Silence emotive to me because too many people only see the outer of someone, but never the inner turmoils etc
As for artistic/creative … I did digital art for years, even won prizes for my designs, but sort of fell out of love for it. At the time it was a great medium to get out my dark thoughts … was much better than an elastic band or worse to feel that 'sting' of release/relief
I'll have to dig out my external hdd that store all my images, and maybe use them in my videos ?
@Holly_Scope … thank you so much. Not talented. Just got too much junk in my head to get out 😜
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@Santosha12 … I read somewhere there's a novel in everyone's lives. I've surmised I'm still here despite having bad luck at times there's also good fortune involved. Every hospitalisation from an accident has had a … a few inches here and there element. But then the wrong choices … all me 😁
And thank you. I dunno about talent. AI is the power behind me getting my thoughts on paper… I guess I'm lucky I can express myself. I've seen the destruction bottling up can do to me. I used to be pretty, but bottling up makes me uglier
This song is called Hidden Storms . To all the people who ask … what's wrong with you ? You look healthy … Yeah Right. Did you see me 4 a.m. this morning ? Did you see me fall over trying to put trousers on …
This is The Needle & The Roses … when I fell to the biggest low of my life 30+ years ago … weakness and then the strength to come out of it. Also why I don't judge others. We're all a very thin line from crashing heavily … I may not be proud of my choices at times but extremely proud of the person I am now … no matter how wonky I am at times
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Very POWERFUL lyrics @WelshBlue! Ive listened to every song you posted on Youtube and loved them all 😊
Listening to one of your songs(No More Silence)reminds me of a song I used to love many years ago….It was by a band called Casting Crowns called "East To West"
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This is so very true. You never know what's in anyone's head unless they show you. I know I'm very good at masking. Thank you Catherine for your kind words ☺️
@Santosha12 … nothing wrong with a CD player … I still use vinyl and a tape desk for the older part of my collection. As for Mindfulness - can only do it if someone else is orating the script, cannot for the life of me empty my head enough to do it by myself … but I guess this is my own form of it, to me. Thanks for planting that seed in my head. And thanks for the glowing praise
@Kiki23 … thank you so much. Nice to know I'm not totally mad - or if I am … I'm not alone 😜
Funny you should mention Casting Crowns, I've thought myself that some of my tunes have a bit of Christian Rock vibe going on. Thanks again
Thanks too @Holly_Scope for the 👊
This is the very first one I wrote and produced.
Alcoholic Kisses … it's not very good, maybe the worst I've done, but my way of getting down what my father put me through as a child/ teen. Only me. My siblings had a life of riley. I guess I can thank him for my love of books … what better way to escape. Nature vs Nurture … would I have battled with 6 policemen all those years ago if I hadn't known the fist as a way of expressing rather than talking ? Then No prison. No rape. No mind totally messed up. No alcolism or drugs. But … not a pity party, as I am one strong survivor and wouldn't have my kids or wife without the past
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thanks @Catherine21 @Holly_Scope … also thanks to @Kiki23
Maybe a bit too much shock value, should have thought it may be triggering to others.
My wife refuses to watch it again, so apologies if it was too hard hitting
Let's have something more uplifting for a Saturday night 😁
I'm a big fan of Chappel Roan, so tried to write something in her style. Neon Style Mascara
Still Electric … not letting the alphabet of CFS MS PTSD define me, or people judging not knowing the full facts, or the real me.
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I guess this isn't the place to share.
One last song
Whiskey Won't Whisper No More … beating the demon water …
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Thank you @WelshBlue for sharing "Whiskey Won't Whisper No More" it made me cry.
Incredible lyrics.
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@Bluebell21 … sorry 😔
And thank you. I write lyrics that mean something to me and/or experienced.
Some people have felt sorry for all I've experienced through my own faults or the hands of others … I don't. I embrace it all, as it's given me the character to still be here, to learn and to help others whenever I can. Plus what else could I write music about 😜
Thank you again … take care
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A song for you dear @WelshBlue 💜
Sharing Is Caring 💜
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@Kiki23 … thank you. That is very powerful. Music can say things words alone can't say. In all honesty I don't think I'd still be here without having had music in my life. Sounds melodramatic … but true
I can relate to the sentiment in that song so much, so thank you.
Rascal Flatts are a new one to me … gonna enjoy going down the YouTube rabbit hole listening to more
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@Santosha12 … thanks. Not My Burden is very special to me. It means I won … not them.
The Needle & The Roses … again I won. Overcame what I became … because of them. Why else would you go from a non-smoker to a, well junkie (although I hate that word)
It's not always what we do in this life, it's how we admit/change the mistakes we've made. At least that's a mantra I adhere to
As for imperfections … I've many, like a craggy rock … but like that rock, will always be solid for those who need me. I'm sure everyone who knows you thinks you're perfect. As for Bridget Jones … you'd get on with my wife … huge fangirl of the films
A Maestro ? An Austin Maestro maybe … but thankfully I don't break down as often 😆
Dancing In The Rain … inspired to write this for someone I know. The man (I use that term very loosely) she was with … well not a nice person, and thankfully she found the strength to walk away. A bit of poetic licence in this one but …
Concrete Echoes … don't really want to put a synopsis. Just very personal to me, 34 years later
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@Santosha12 love the photos. Sorry for your loss of Mr Jones, I know how inconsolable I'll be when my son's dog leaves us. He's been a constant help these past 3 years. He knows things no-one else does.
I think it's Watermelon Wine that's got the lyrics … Old dogs care about you even when you make mistakes (God bless little children while they're still too young to hate) So very true
Both the dogs look absolute bonkers (in a good way) 😁Pugs or terriers ?
Thanks for the kind words about my ramblings … glad you can see in my head to 'get' the lyrics 😁
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I too have ptsd so I understand
My ex husband caused mine
I still struggle
I'll health not helping or lack of money
I also have granddaughter s
3
Aged 12 months, 16 months and 19 months
1
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