Back from The Brink ...
I hope everyone is as well as can be with their various ills and the state the world is in …
Decided to post here again after taking a break from the internet and in all honesty, life in general. I thought I was in control of my PTSD and various health diagnosises until a big breakdown brought me crashing to a massive halt. Really was touch and go whether I'd step off because enough was enough. If it wasn't for my brilliant, beautiful wife, fantastic GP's and out of this world Mental Health team I really wouldn't be here without them holding my hand
I don't think any PTSD sufferer is ever out of the woods but … I'm on my 2 feet now … even if my gait is unsteady
I've now got a beautiful new 4 month old grand-daughter to focus on. In a way my life is effectively over … but want to be here as long as possible for her
Writing music has also helped me recover. If anyone is interested …
Not My Burden … about the fight with PTSD
Manchester Rain … about losing love and finding something better, weeks after coming from the darkest most dangerous places
if You Could See What I See … for my daughter, who has endured so much trauma of different kinds for someone so delicate, kind and still giving everything as a paramedic despite her MS
If anyone else is interested in my music, I'll post some more stuff …
Be safe everyone
Comments
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Wow wow WOW like your musoc i love it so pleased you come back fighting very talented
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Starryeyed you will love this
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Oh ok cant comment on one about starmer
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It's great to see you back here @WelshBlue. I'm so very sorry though for what you've been going through. Just about nothing normally interrupts my Classic fm. This did I'm glad to say, very glad I listened - thank you for sharing. Truly awe inspiring, you're very, very talented!
'Not My Burden', listened to it three times and absolutely loved it, very beautiful. Both are just great, lyrics and music. Just so you know, 'If you could see what I see' I couldn't locate/access that one. 'Not my Burden' is on the thread twice, not that I minded that! I'm most definitely interested to hear any more that you've wrote and are happy to share.
How very special that you've a four month old, beautiful granddaughter.
Thank you again for sharing your music, as someone with cptsd it resonates, especially 'Not my Burden'.
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Hi @WelshBlue thank you for sharing your music it is amazing.
I am so very sorry you have been through such a dark time and how hard it has been for you.
You seem to have a great team around you and your wife seems an incredible support for you.
Your new granddaughter will be very special for you and will encourage you in your journey forward.
Take care.
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Great to have you back @WelshBlue! I'm with you. I've very much been in a similar place so thank you so much for sharing this, and your music. Although for some reason, I can't see Not My Burdon, I'll try again shortly.
It sounds like you have a fantastic family to be super proud of! Congratulations on your granddaughter, and hope to see more from you. Welcome back 😊
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@Catherine21 @Santosha12 @MW123 @Bluebell21 @Holly_Scope … thanks for the welcome back and the kind words about my 'offerings' music wise. I must add … I write the lyrics then produce them using AI for the toons.
Weird how some play and some don't 😑
My Psychologist warned me after EMDR that I would fall again … must admit I didn't expect it to be so far and so hard. PTSD … the gift that keeps giving. All's well that ends well … hard to avoid the triggers when it's a city my wife's kidney transplant team is based, but got more coping mechanisms in my arsenal now so fingers crossed etc
And aye … the lil' one keeps me grounded … always smiling and giggling. Smitten has to be the word … her and throwing what parts of energy I can into my garden
More music …
Mirrorball Memories … a bit more upbeat but still with my trademark 'darkness' according to my daughter
Dust & Daisies … my fight with drink and narcotics as a way of coping with the past traumas
Enjoy (hopefully … 😋)
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Ah Dust and Dasies very powerful really can relate Thankyou for sharing
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You are very talented @WelshBlue
I found your Dust and Daisies very emotional. It was brilliant.
Thank you.
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Thanks so much for sharing @WelshBlue, uplifting yet very moving/poignant.
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@Catherine21 @Santosha12 @Bluebell21 … thank you so much … diolch … for the kind words. Weird how uplifting others liking my stuff makes me emotional 😴
Cardiff Rain … about doing your very best to push someone away, because you hate yourself; so why should someone else love you … but they never give up on you
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This is my favorite love can move mountains i feel your love for your partner and family in this song
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Thanks @Catherine21 and thanks @Santosha12 for the ☝️
No More Silence … the fight against being disabled, and the bigger fight against the demonising ignorance surrounding all types of disability. Until you walk in my shoes etc …
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Phenomenal. Powerful. Pure grit (the courage and resilience type!). Thanks so much for sharing, really very inspiring. Wish I had an ounce of your talent, mine was only my singing but didn't capitalise on it 😊.
Do you mind me asking (excuse my ignorance but can't pretend to know when I don't 😊😁) you mentioned about AI for the toons, I have no clue how this is done and don't need to, can't imagine really, but, does it mean you 'own' the music? Would you not consider being a lyricist for someone famous and who's the singers? Also, how long does it take you to write any given song? Sorry for so many questions just genuinely very curious but don't worry if I ask too many questions which will take too much energy/time.
Huge kudos 👏 and respect to you.
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BAM WOW keep getting better i felt every word something poetic coming back from the darkness honestly as santosha said amazing and i love the skull and smoke video have you always been artistic because that is a talent and so positve and creative for the mind
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Love "No More Silence" @WelshBlue. You're so talented!
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@Santosha12 … thanks.
I input the lyrics into the AI software, and then I play around to find the tune and voice I think best suits what I'm trying to convey … over a 100 songs now and yep, the intellectual property rights are mine, no one else can use them unless they give credit etc to me
As for the lyrics … could be half an hour, could be a couple of days if my muse isn't playing nice. I write about my life; I've been lucky (some say unlucky) to have experienced a lot … good, bad, traumatic, too near deaths and met some fantastic people … some downright evil in my travels in life.
My experiences stem from great decisions, to downright stupid ones, but hey they've shaped me, so got to embrace them all. My clinical psychologist says I should write a book, it would make people laugh out loud one page, then sob the next … maybe before I pop off this mortal coil ? But then maybe I've got too many external and internal scars to want to revisit them all ..
@Catherine21 … thank you. I find No More Silence emotive to me because too many people only see the outer of someone, but never the inner turmoils etc
As for artistic/creative … I did digital art for years, even won prizes for my designs, but sort of fell out of love for it. At the time it was a great medium to get out my dark thoughts … was much better than an elastic band or worse to feel that 'sting' of release/relief
I'll have to dig out my external hdd that store all my images, and maybe use them in my videos ?
@Holly_Scope … thank you so much. Not talented. Just got too much junk in my head to get out 😜
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Well, well, well 😊😁 @WelshBlue I could have written the whole of your paragraphs to me from 'I write about my life'; there's clearly more that can connect peeps on here than the differences (apart from I've no talent to speak of, ha ha).
I appreciate you explaining, thanks 😊 AI is just amazing really. As is your talent. It makes your music make sense, brings it to real life as your soul is in it.
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@Santosha12 … I read somewhere there's a novel in everyone's lives. I've surmised I'm still here despite having bad luck at times there's also good fortune involved. Every hospitalisation from an accident has had a … a few inches here and there element. But then the wrong choices … all me 😁
And thank you. I dunno about talent. AI is the power behind me getting my thoughts on paper… I guess I'm lucky I can express myself. I've seen the destruction bottling up can do to me. I used to be pretty, but bottling up makes me uglier
This song is called Hidden Storms . To all the people who ask … what's wrong with you ? You look healthy … Yeah Right. Did you see me 4 a.m. this morning ? Did you see me fall over trying to put trousers on …
This is The Needle & The Roses … when I fell to the biggest low of my life 30+ years ago … weakness and then the strength to come out of it. Also why I don't judge others. We're all a very thin line from crashing heavily … I may not be proud of my choices at times but extremely proud of the person I am now … no matter how wonky I am at times
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Thanks for sharing this @WelshBlue. The thought came to me that the music just takes you with it, totally immersive. I cannot practice mindfulness but this takes you to a similar place. Now that is definitely talent. Listened to them both twice, if they were on my CD player (is that old fashioned ha ha but suits me!) I'd have it on repeat. Very much appreciate you sharing 🫠😊.
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