Back from The Brink ...
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@Kiki23 … wow. Goosebumps. That is beautiful. I got more Irish than Nordic but I guess we're all cousins down the line. Thanks for sharing 😊
@Santosha12 … I reminded her of the brolly today. She never swears but there were a few choice words
I think The Smiths appealed to me because of the melancholy and my home life. I asked a MH professional once why do I feel better listening to 'depressing' stuff … apparently it's because it resonates in us, that we don't feel so alone ? I dunno … maybe.
Take That ? Would rather stick pins in my ears 😁 really didn't like them. The Bee Gees a different story, some classics there
Funny story … one day when working in the forestry, I lifted up up my ear muffs to talk to someone. Turned sideways and bang. Literally a bang in my head. A twig on a tree had gone straight through my ear drum
Long story short went to A & E, told the doctor and nurse what happened … they literally had to go out of the room to compose themselves, laughing at six inches of wood sticking out my head 😝 … so actually would rather turn the radio off than listen to Take That 😁
A nurse. What a commendable job you did. A thankless, underpaid one, but still commendable. I bet you saw some things. Lord knows I've always been very grateful everytime I've been to A & E. Actually quite embarressing how many times. Even Airlifted twice. Once after a tree landed on me and once after a car crash … it's no wonder my wife calls me a liability lol
The tree … spent a week in hospital, came home and my wife ran me a bath. Helped me in. "I'm just popping to the shops" … 3 hours later I was still on my hands and knees in freezing cold water. She'd forgotten and met friends. I didn't dare shout at her. That's the closest I'll get to being Trans ….
I like bill Bailey. Dry humour. Saw John Richardson in a small venue. Brilliant. My wife watched Peter Kay in february. she was very disappointed
Tangents ? Lucky words aren't footsteps or I'd be in serious trouble miles from home 😁
When My Body Doesn't Listen … quite apt considering what it's been through and now evolving into
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I listen to Korn which the singer has been through all kinds of abuse , and loss so I can identify with the lyrics
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I don't mind a bit of Nu Metal and like Freak on A Leash by Korn. I prefer more power metal like Sabaton … we're all different and what works for us, works for us 😊
Sirens & Silence … contemplation of when my life changed forever. Police called for a 'domestic' … which was me sleeping on the sofa. Never laid a finger on a woman that they didn't want. Quite the opposite with my Psycho Ex. towards me. I could take 2 coppers holding me whilst one punched me … to spit in my face was the ultimate insult. 6 policemen later cost me a lot of years. Not proud. More disappointed in myself
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Good morning, woah, good grief, some trauma @WelshBlue 🫂. I worked in A & E as a support worker whilst training and on a placement during training in 2012. I loved it. My ex had a halo vest fitted during an accident to try to reduce further (spinal cord) damage. While training an A & E dr was teaching/supervising me gluing a head/scalp wound in a young man who was very drunk; very vascular area. Anyway he was f'ing and blinding etc (pretty much not consenting to treatment) so the Dr told me to stop. So I did. They young man soon 'sobered' seeing the result as we stood back. He consented then and kept quiet and I learned!
Today is music, music, all day as scaffolding going up/work for next few days, mainly to try and distract muttlets as best I can. I understand what you're saying re Take That. I couldn't go and see them or listen to a CD etc but I like Gary Barlow and much of his songwriting. The documentary showed how he went through a really dark time when they'd broke up, with bulimia, depression etc which I hadn't known. It was very interesting/illuminating.
My musical taste is very eclectic, especially love Earth, Wind & Fire, Average White Band, Queen, Roy Ayres, The Ritchie Family, Astrid Gilberto and Karen Carpenter. Been very lucky to see some of my favourites. At the moment listening to Ella Fitzgerald and some Louis Arnstrong. Love Swing and Bossa Nova. The Carpenters' music was very melancholic - even 'happier' music like 'Top of the World' - to me anyway. I don't know why I just never quite 'got' The Smiths but I was probably more into soul and disco then 😉😅🤣😂.
I'd never really thought of my singing voice/type before I had a singing tutor c 20yrs ago, it was only then I understood it was contralto but 3-octave (think Amy Winehouse, Cher, Toni Braxton etc) but not their style particularly, just my own but I tried after I'd been very ill in 2020 with Covid to try to strengthen my lungs. I couldn't write a song, music or lyrically to save my life. Thank goodness for those who can. I don't know about lost in music I'd be lost without it.
The post on here (sorry I can't link to it now) but that sounds Irish in some parts, unexpectedly, was brilliant, haunting but very beautiful and uplifting. It reminded me a bit of when I listened to The Corrs so I might get their CD out today. I've got Irish and Scottish ancestry maybe that's why it resonates so much, I don't know. We're spoilt for choice, thankfully!
'When My Body Doesn't listen' thank you for sharing this 😊 - I've put a 'flag' or whatever it's called on here so I can get notified when your music comes on here. Even whilst my building work is going on which is a compliment as I'll be very, VERY 🙄😬😅 fixated on that and muttlets 🫠😊😅. Take good care and have a really great day and week.
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Am just chatting about music on another post fb 🙄 it wasn't you who'd asked duh @WelshBlue 🙄 😂
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Do you have a favourite composer/songwriter/lyricist @WelshBlue who inspires you? Mine is probably Cole Porter and maybe Burt Bacharach. I don't really mean in your own creation of your work as yours sounds very unique to me, but generally.
One of the best of Cole Porter's has got to be Ella Fitzgerald's, 'Everytime we Say Goodbye'... I don't know how to load the recording so I'll just write the words.... if you know the song then I hope you don't get an ear worm 🤣. I love his little joke in it 'from major to minor'.... (not cut and pasted as I know the lyrics to hundreds)... but I think there's a simplicity to this yet it's very, very beautifully written and still complex in its simplicity, if that makes sense.... I know what I mean 🤣😂. If you know you know.
"Everytime we say goodbye, I die a little, everytime we say goodbye, I wonder why a little, why the God's above me, who must be in the know, think so little of me, they allow you to go.
When you're near there's such an air of spring about it, I can hear a lark somewhere begin to sing about it. There's no love song finer, but how strange the change, from major to minor, everytime we say goodbye.
When you're near there's such an air of spring about it, I can hear a lark somewhere, begin to sing about it. There's no love song finer, but how strange the change from major to minor, every time we say goodbye."
I cannot recall exactly when it was written, might have been post war or more likely during the war after his accident but I imagine the people torn apart because of war, it's a very poignant song.
It would have been easier to work out how to post the recording 🤭😊😁.
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🤣
I don't think it would surprise you how many strangers have known my ramblings when I've thought it's my wife behind me 😉
A favourite lyricist ? Ohhh … if I had to name one, it would be Kelly Jones of The Stereophonics, but some of the old timers including the 2 you named … just pure genius
Like you my tastes are so eclectic. One day I could be playing Melanie Martinez or Natalia Kills, the next 70's Country. I can't even pick a favourite genre. Love Suede and Placebo, love old style punk. Then the metal of Iron Maiden or more recently Sabaton. Even The Carpenters you named - what a voice and great tunes.
If the lyrics and tune touch a chord, it's a winner for me. Ella Fitzgerald … mwah. What a voice
I think for me it's how the body and mind is feeling as to what I listen to
Nice to know you're a Celtic cousin 😉That song Kiki23 linked was pretty special. Melancholic but uplifting too
I think my most watched YouTube vid is Wille Nelson and Ray Charles - 7 Spanish Angels. Just really love the colloboration of their voices. Pure honey to the ears
Ahhh well, I've got to finish the cutting in on a wall, only started on Saturday lol
What can go wrong, a stepladder and me 🤣
Brown Eyes, Best Memories … trying to write a song for our wedding Anniversary sometime in May … too scared to ask what date … I'm going to ask my daughter. Not even sure how many years. I'm bad
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Thanks for the like @Santosha12 I hope you're well. Out of curiosity what type of speciality did you Nurse in. I can imagine they're all difficult
Second Chance Coat … no matter who we're lucky enough to have around, or the help to get through those difficult times … without ourselves, especially believing in ourselves we've got no-one ?
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Thanks very much @WelshBlue I'm ok, I hope you're doing ok. I loved your Anniversary song - the love within that speaks for so much more than even remembering which anniversary you're celebrating 🫠😊; it's very moving and heartfelt.
My nursing career followed a very different path than I'd planned which was to work in the Acute area of A & E after passing my 2nd year OSCE placement their. I only qualified in 2013 after a career change from heading up HR/Operations/Logistics and I left through ill health in 2023, so 'only' ten years.
I was Deputy Manager of a nursing home within five months of qualifying which I loved and led to a passion for 'end of life'/palliative care. I did a lot of extra training then in symptom management and clinical skills (syringe pump; symptom management in the last weeks and days of life; Blue Book training: drugs used etc) and became qualified to verify death as well as Dementia/Namaste training to support living and dying well.
I worked as a Bank Nurse then too for a couple of local hospices and for NHS Professionals - the latter so I could occasionally work back in Trafford in my beloved A & E and keep/develop those skills.
From starting my training in 2010 to leaving nursing, it all coincided with my lovely mum getting three different cancers and dementia plus Alzheimer's Disease. I decided (very easy decision really without much dilemma) that mum would absolutely come first, for however long that took, and I'll never regret that, particularly with two unsupportive sisters throughout (now sadly estranged). As an example, mum had 156 appts in one year, I took her to all but one. Unbelievable when I think back that I actually achieved so much, it was a balancing act, throughout, that was a quite extraordinary feat, but I was well then and fighting on all cylinders!! And had three aging dogs up until 2016/2017 and then four puppies 🫠😊😅.
When I got very ill with Covid in November 2020 and subsequently, I questioned what it had all been for as I lost my career in 2023. But I'd been able to really look after my mum at her most vulnerable, including advocating for her, especially from my knowledge and experience. I suppose I feel privileged to have been able to do all that and that my choices (unintentionally/unknowingly) led to my mum's care in her last decade being what I'm sure, any of us would want for our loved ones. As well as my passion in nursing which never dimmed once. So maybe, that's what it was all about.
Sorry for 'War and Peace' 🤣😂. Was starting to read like a CV, can I have a job please ? ha ha.
Btw, I ended up working in Opthalmics nursing (surgery) for my last two years, no choice if I wanted to reduce my hours but funny enough took to it like a duck to water. I'd had practice with two of my dogs with that 🤣😂.
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Woah @Santosha12 156 appointments. That's dedication of the highest order and I'm sure your mum appreciated every single one. But still, that was a heavy load to carry. Kudos to you. Siblings eh … its true you can choose your friends …
Human nature vexes me so much, how people can be so self indulgent whilst some are so selfless. I was estranged from my siblings for years when my father had a stroke and was pretty much incapacitated … I must admit I didn't see him for 4 years before he died because he couldn't give me the answers to 'why' he treated me so different. So violently. The more they pushed me to be the caring son, the more it rankled and I pushed back to the point I may have burst their bubbles a bit of what a great man he was
Your career … OSCE … I still have nightmare about that word, of when my daughter was in Uni stressing about upcoming ones 🤣 Invariably aced them and didn't tell us
Only 10 years tch tch … going by your posts I'm sure I know how many people's lives you touched in those 10 years. Plus the pallative care … heroes don't always need capes. It takes a
certainspecial type of person, dealing with that day in day outYour words have brought back the day they inserted the syringe driver into my sister 2 + years ago. Kind but damned brutal in a way. I don't know what I was expecting, but not that
Covid. Back to the selfless and the self indulgent and the healthcare workers on a whole different level of selflessness
My daughter still feels guilty because of her MS diagnosis around that time, the bosses took her off the road, she was inconsolable for a while with colleagues dying, whilst she was sat at home or in an office.
Thanks for the candour and I'm genuinely sorry how covid impacted such a decent, caring person. Do you mind me asking if Long Covid plays a part in your life ? I only caught the fourth wave and that was bad enough. My wife caught the third and her specialist told her without the jabs … she wouldn't be around for me to annoy her.
Crazy times. Christmas Day on the Brecon Beacons (halfway point) to swap gifts with my daughter and her BF … not forgetting the telling off for contravening a solid white line on the way home. Only saw 9 cars in 80 miles and one of them had to have a stripe on lol. It was a fair cop and he was a fair cop
I'll take your War & Peace and raise you The Count of Monte Cristo
Take care
an edit … I've been thinking about some of the nurses I've had the pleasure to meet
I was kept in hospital a few weeks after a bad car crash, for a couple of debridement surgeries, after they'd fixed the fixable. The nurses told my wife to bring in some beers/ tobacco as I had a private room. Great. One night one came into the room screaming at me. Throw it away
Stupid sod I am, was smoking out the window by oxygen tanks and piped lines … she called me names I'd never been called before and gave me one helluva whack around the head. Then wondered why I wouldn't let her give me a bed bath. I was terrified of her 😝
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I'm so sorry for my delayed response @WelshBlue. Sometimes there is no alternative to estrangement, only we know what we've gone through and it can be the only answer. I 'created' (can't think of the word 🙄) our estrangement to protect myself and know now I will never see, or engage with them again in my life no matter what happens in their life. Sad but necessary and I'm sort of 'over it' now; I just won't accept abuse from others and it has helped protect my mental health.
LC. Trying to think how to explain it succinctly 🤣😂😂. My health was decimated by it. 16th Nov 2020 I caught it at work. I looked after 7 patients on one corridor in my nursing home on my own, their results all came back through the night and all sadly positive. By 0300hrs I knew I'd caught it. I was very unwell for 3 weeks and had no temperature control (39 and 40 degrees), took paracetamol every 4 hours around the clock it only came down to 38 and I recall thinking what is this doing to my body I felt I was 'cooking'.
Long story short it caused major GI problems lost my job in Feb 2021. Started new job in hospital April 2021. Caught Covid again Jan 2022 on a ward (not FITT tested for correct mask) and had a collapsed lung and it affected lungs/scarring and low oxygen.
I held onto my job by my fingertips but dismissed again in June 23. I'd been off sick 22 times with infections in c 18 months but also ill for additional 4 weeks each year using my holidays to reduce the risk of getting a warning. But I did eventually of course leading to dismissal.
I used to work an extra (bank) shift, 6 hours on a Sat or Sun on the wards. In May 22 it took me double the time, nearly 3 hours to do my medication round, and I couldn't properly remember who I'd given them to from the start. No-one was harmed as I'd signed for them but I had brain fog, didn't know that then, and had to continually check my patients and the charts. I knew then I couldn't work on the wards again and didn't.
My IV training was stopped and I was still sent to wards to 'help out' but was useless really as I wasn't able to do any medication rounds. Was a sad time but at least patients were safe.
In a nutshell [at last 😂] I have had now 56 good days since 16.11.2020 where there has been not one symptom. They have all been one-off, separate days - not consecutive - they are my 'miracle' days when I honestly feel like a 'walking miracle' 😂. I hear from my LC group others who have 'flare ups' I've never had a flare up as I've never had remission from it. I have temperature disregulation still and it's very high each evening from c 1700hrs and we all go to bed early, c 1730hrs 🙄. Thank god for paracetamol (and antibiotics!!). As well as the 'usual' LC known symptoms I have a type of organ failure [functional] and have malnutrition and malnourishment which has affected my bones as I can't digest or absorb food properly. I'm immunocompromised now (8 infections last year including double pneumonia twice). It's affected most organs apart from my skin, every cloud etc 😂. I won't go through all my 32 diagnoses ha ha i'll break their server.
If I outlive my dogs that will be good enough for me, they're 9 and 10 now. I'm ok with it all now, mostly, I won't tolerate anymore some of the really poor care I've had, and gaslighting, and literally just moved GP practice this week but I'm very lucky as I've got really good consultants now too.
Cont'd...
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Good morning @Welshblue, my apologies for the delay replying to you, I've tried to reply this morning but it was a little bit (unusually for me 😉😂) long. I've messaged the Mods in case it's stuck but might need to rewrite it tomorrow. You'll be glad to know it's not though 4 volumes or in 15 parts like 'War and Peace' 😅. I hope you and yours are doing ok, I'll be back soon. 😊
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What a shame that your daughter feels guilt; she's enough to contend with with MS and I'm sorry she has that and really hope she is stable and not progressive.
A nurse I worked with on the night of 16.11.20 felt guilt but I hope I'd helped her get rid of that notion. She and a care assistant were both fearful of working on my corridor with me, I understood as the carer had young children and the nurse's father in law was in intensive care with Covid at the time. I am no martyr but was invincible (or so I thought!). I said just pass me their drugs from the corridor door and there's no point in us all catching it if the patients were positive. They were also from the Philippines and there was potentially a greater risk to them if they caught it. They never caught it thankfully, to my knowledge. We sadly lost all seven patients to it over the next week, I wasn't back their until a few weeks later but it was heartbreaking, two were only in their 50's. I don't regret anything apart from learning later we actually had loads of PPE that was locked away by the home manager....but none that night so I could not repeat the words in my mind from that.
I had several of the jabs after, I don't know how much worse I'd be if I hadn't...... I'll post separately re demylinating disease and smoking/02...in case I lose this.
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My excuse for smoking near 02 pipes was nowhere near as traumatic, really feel for you having debridement surgery 😪; only 'excuse' I had was I wasn't a nurse then although common sense etc....🤭🙄😂. I had a lumbar puncture in the 90's, private hospital/own room.
When husband arrived I said help me to the window so I can have a ciggy, he said no they've said you got to lay flat for c 4 hours (not the reason why though). Anyway, always got my way and had a cig. Omg ended up with irritated meninges/suspected meningitis as I'd disrupted the balance/replenishment of the cerebro-spinal fluid. Anyway recovered after a few days on diazepam, at home I hasten to add, but not many ciggies for that period.
It was only when I tried to get income protection insurance in 2013 I got declined, could only get funeral cover 🙄😬😂. In my doctor's notes they'd queried if I had a demylinating disease in the '90's like MS/never discussed with me. That's partly why I'm so pedantic now about getting my notes etc not just for DWP purposes but my body/my right to know etc etc!
Every day's a learning day though and that experience helped in my [later] nursing days of always explaining the reason why.
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I'm very sorry for your sister's experience with the syringe driver 😔, I only insisted on my training because of two experiences (the contents had degraded due to very hot weather even though not in direct sunlight and a patient with ascites) and had to wait several hours from the start of my night shift for district nurses to come. It reminds me of training I did with the End of Life Partnership, 'Only once chance to get it right'. I was lucky to have such a fulfilling career albeit short compared to colleagues.
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@Santosha12 … sometimes people say things that put some things into perspective … in real life I would have started replying with a word that starts with 'F' … but I'm sure it would have blown up Scope's filter 😁
That is an awful lot to have to have dealt with and no-one could blame you for any feelings of resentment towards others who could have prevented it. I think I'd have an effigy or two just to remind them of their 'choices' (I'd love to know who's got one of me 🤣)
Plus - see … smoking is bad for you 😉
Joking aside, a lumbar puncture … up there in the top 3 of the most unpleasant experiences of my life. Still feel sick remembering the 'crunch'. So glad you made a recovery from that
Breaks my heart my lil' girl had to go through that. Crazy … as I'm the parent but she's my role model. Overcame her own demons as a very young girl, all manifesting in Self harming and eating disorders and we only found out when she was sixteen. People are right when they say it's a good job I don't know who that person was/ is.
Now she's coping with her MS But she is ridiculously positive about everything. Nothing is stopping her living her life. With a fantastic BF holding her hand all the way. Puts me to shame. Not to mention the fantastic GP and CAMHs who got her to believe in herself to be the person she is, like you were, putting patients first
You're so right when you say, every day is a learning day … show me someone who knows everything, or says they've never made a mistake and I'll show you a liar.
I like to say I know about a lot of things, just enough to be dangerous. But always happy to learn a new way or new things
Covid was such a terrible time, and the way you've described things … well I guess a lot of us don't know the half of it. Do you still have the jabs ? I think my wife is on number 12.
56 days out of years, my heart goes out to you, it takes a special kind of person to keep laughing like you do
My sister … I don't know what I thought the syringe driver did, but not to go to sleep for 2 days and not wake up until the end. She had 2 years longer than the prognosis so every cloud. I've told everyone, god forbid but I'm not having that. I'm going out kicking and screaming
…….. ………… I've just come back to this after saving a draft - laughing to myself, thinking if others are reading this, they'll be thinking …. how the hell aren't these 2 swinging from a tree 🤣
I saw a new GP this … I think he wants to section me 😁My old GP we had a brilliant rapport, joked about my ailments etc. One time during my PTSD episodes I told him I felt like throwing myself off the mountain that overlooks the town … his reply, " i'm not worried because I know you won't make it up there … "
This new Doctor asked me if my symptoms are throwing up any sexual problems … for some reason I said, No complaints but I guess it's hard to complain when you're tied up and gagged
The voice in my head was screaming Why - just Why, you don't know him
It would be interesting to read my notes 😁
On that note of weirdness, I hope you have a good weekend with the pooches
Take Care
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Walls I Built … ramblings about how people can close themselves off from having a debate.
How it's their way and no other way. Pushing people away
Back to The Light … more ramblings, sort of autobigraphical, but wanted to do something with the most beautiful instrument. The saxophone
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Thank you @Welshblue I hope you do too! It's been a busy week here (solar panels fitted/loft insulation etc etc) so glad I've just about 'kept' my sanity 😉😂.
Your daughter sounds like an incredible young woman; I sometimes have to remind myself that my DNA is half my mum's and half my dad's - I like to think I've got [mostly] their 'good' DNA so whilst some of my strengths are down to me, I credit them with an awful lot, if they were here I'd say stand up and take a bow 🥰😍.
Trees.....uuum.... see attached..
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@Welshblue I asked a workman a few weeks ago could he attach a swing to this tree as I read that using a swing counts as exercise.... he looked at the tree, back to me, back to the tree, back to me and said the branch wouldn't hold 🤣😂🤣😂, I'm fairly petite and thought how much exactly does he think I weigh 🤭🫠🤣.
Just love your latest two songs especially 'Back to the Light' I just love the saxophone (I'll post briefly re Adolphe Sax). Thank you for sharing these. The imagery reminded me of Jack who I used to take to Delamere Forest and he would lay with me looking up through the extremely tall trees. Jack....
I went back after he passed and took a 'photo of what he could see, I'll have to look and see if I've still got it on my PC.
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Thank goodness for Adolph Sax for inventing the saxophone. My favourite of all instruments. 'Back to the Light' reminded me slightly of something I used to listen to with my ex husband but I can't for the life of me recall what/who it was even though we listened to it a lot. I'll keep 'racking my brain' to remember 🙄😬🤣.
Sorry if you already know that Adolphe Sax was a flautist and clarinetist from Belgium and he died in his late seventies in Paris, impoverished and suffered so much in his life from all sorts, not least sabotage. I always thought it very sad that someone who could invent such a beautiful instrument could have such an [undeserved] hard life. There's no rhyme nor reason for some things.
And reminded me of 'Bird', Charlie Parker who collaborated with Dizzy Gillespie. I was not into 'bebop' particularly but some real greats. I often wondered at his strength and talent as he suffered terribly with mental illness, heroin addiction and I think alcoholism which I think it was from the death of his daughter aged only 3 from cystic fibrosis.
I love the tenor saxophone mostly, how they can even hold it let alone play it I find staggering.
Must have listened to 'Back to the Light' c 10 times now, absolutely beautiful.
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