Back from The Brink ...

Holly_Scope

I've just been catching up on your most recent music @WelshBlue. I really really loved After The Fear - thank you for sharing these with us. I hope your tests go ok this week.

Santosha12

I've eventually listened to 'Paper Portraits', 'Coffee Fear Taste' and 'After the Fear' @WelshBlue. Thank you very much for sharing these.

I wouldn't say I'm normally 'lost for words' 😉😊 and like to think I'm fairly articulate but these are just breathtaking especially 'Paper Portraits' ("you don"t know me but you judge me, so comfortably like every heart's a simple thing to read but we are deeper than the things we see")........ and 'After the Fear'...."lost in the wreckage of my mind.......there's an echo after every scream a crack running through every dream........you took more than a moment away you stole the safety from my days, even here beneath the scars, I'm still reaching for the stars"....

In all my years I could not express anything so profound - not on paper - nor in my mind: but this resonates.......'resonates' doesn't do it justice. I won't repeat all of the words, it's all here to listen to. It somehow helps and is inspiring too. How can somebody else express a different experience but yet it so acutely mirrors intense emotions. Quite incredible. I'm grateful you share your music.

Santosha12

'Don't Walk on By'.... very insightful and moving..."just stop and see the soul behind the eyes".

I know it's not exactly relevant @WelshBlue (it just reminds me of this 🫠) but when I was in my nurse training we had an option to select going anywhere in the world for a period of time; many of my friends/peers chose India and other far-flung places. I had to stay close for my mum so did a couple of weeks in orthopaedic theatres, elective and trauma, and several weeks in Manchester with 'MASH' [Manchester Action on Street Health] which supports women who sex work, or are thinking of it, to experience good health and emotional wellbeing and safety.

It's perhaps our experiences that enable us to truly have no judgement and to literally, stop, and see the soul behind the eyes. So your words, again, resonate.

MASH are on 0800 183 0499 Monday to Thursday 1000 to 1800hrs and Fridays 1000 to 1530hrs; they also still run a 'drop-in' centre. Completely non-judgemental and confidential support.

WelshBlue

@Santosha12 … thank you so much. I'm keeping quiet about you being lost for words 😋

I hope the words I write 'resonate' in a good way.

I would hate for my way of healing; to impact on someone else in a negative way. If only slightly. If only for a minute. Words and music can impact one way or another. To us all so differently

I've often thought what my old English teacher would think of my lyrics. She hated my older sister and then transposed that hate onto me. She was poisonous. I can't remember how many times she twisted my ear. For no reason most of the time

I left school with no formal education qualifications at 16, didn't even sit an exam, but a love of books, a love of words and education of The University of Life has made me fairly literate I like to think. When I was on holiday I used to write poems for other prisoners, and put it to paper with calligraphy (… always for tobacco, I'm not totally nice) ..… so 30 odd years later I guess it's evolved to music. I find it cathartic to get down all the hurt, the feelings/ emotions the whole caboodle in a way that it's not festering. Anymore.

Your work with MASH … very commendable. Hat off to you. So many people look down on those women.

Me. I have the utmost respect for them. It's so easy to judge, name call … until you've walked in someone's shoes, lay where they've had to lay. Had to endure what they have. I'm a big believer in … your body, your choice … but knowing those women and girls a lot of the times have no choice, for whatever reason. Really boils my blood

That sort of reminds me of a song I wrote. A memory from 8 years when my daughter was in the old Royal hospital Liverpool, recovering from sepsis. I had to pop across the road to the multi-storey and there was a young girl there, outside the doors and she asked if I had any change. I didn't. She looked so sad, and gave me the sweetest smile. Broke my heart how understanding she was. When my daughter only a couple of years older, had family, Uni friends, work colleagues all visiting her. And this slip of a thing had nothing. Well if she did. Not a whole lot

Anyways long story short, went back to get my wallet but she'd gone. I even looked for her the following week, because who knows what she'd do for a bit of money. And how she'd be treated. It really got to me I couldn't help her. Weirdly I still think of her to this day

God I'm a bundle of joy 🤣

@Holly_Scope thank you RE: After The Fear and the best wishes for the tests. I'm a pragmatist and it will be what it will be, I don't feel different and noticed no difference so the likelihood is the biopsy will be negative again. Just a pain in the butt. Literally 🤣

Sorry … the gallows humour again …

WelshBlue

Pound Spare … one moment in my life when I couldn't help. Synopsis above

A bit of a dirge but sometimes misery courts misery …

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzSDWQgDLB0

Santosha12

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1129661#Comment_1129661

Your words do resonate in a good way @WelshBlue, they make me think, make me remember but make me process. All good. I can dip in and out - you should charge 'per click' 🫠😊😂. None of it's forced - it's up their with my psychotherapist. The thought of your poems whilst on 'holiday'... I can imagine how that helped other 'holidaymakers', or their partners - and their hearts (did they pass it off as theirs, not that that matters), the solace that brought is surely worth the bacca!! Eat your heart out English teacher...... you write in a way they could only dream about, notwithstanding the anguish and pain to get there . I've sometimes wished I could go back in time to my fiery math teacher, not sure I'd have chucked the board rubber directly at his head as he did mine but....well can dream ha ha.

Funny enough, I left school with only a handful of CSE's, the easy subjects (typewriting, domestic science 🙄😅 and modern studies) after getting out and getting a job instead. I 'guessed' that the law of averages would mean guessing in my mock math exam meant I'd get a reasonable, if low-ish score, I got a U for Unclassified and 6% 🤣🤣. Wasn't bothered at the time and read my novel but had to make up for it eventually with my HR qualifications and then nursing.

TBC....

Santosha12

@WelshBlue I was 'lucky' to get the placement when I did, 2012, in my final year of training that was the start of the roll-out of a National charity pilot scheme in Manchester to help sex workers - National Ugly Mugs (NUM) to provide a vital, life-saving service (UK-wide eventually) to warn workers of violent offenders. It provided safety alerts, anonymous reporting and support services to women and men involved in sex work. It acted as a 'third party' for reporting to the police for whom the workers had too often sadly faced abuse from them and deterred them from reporting violence. That, and attitudes did start to change thankfully ❤️.

The most disheartening aspect was seeing first-hand the discrimination, and stigma, they faced (in housing and healthcare particularly) and even people with addictions denied mental health support. To see close up the work of MASH was humbling and the sex workers' trust in them (not all) heartwarming and it made a difference. Ultimately, they were some of the most stigmatised yet the strongest, courageous women I've met who really went out and survived. Every. Single. Day. Harrowing and unimaginable to most of us.

I didn't speak when very young and had to see a psychologist and speech therapist; my sisters would say I've more than made up for it since ... 😂. I tend to think if it's used for good then less is not, necessarily, 'more'.... well, that's the intention: not necessarily always successfully as you'll see from my directness at times.

Your account of the lady you tried to help is striking - whilst your mind is on your very unwell daughter but you had the generosity of spirit and capacity to consider someone else you saw struggling - well, you'll know as well as I how many would literally just walk on by. A smile, a kind word and showing genuine care, well that's just humanity. Judgement has no place in my world, as my lovely mum would have said, just shoot me if I get to not caring. Bit dramatic ha ha but I get her sentiment. I once said on here somewhere I was imperfectly perfect, I think it's actually more like perfectly imperfect. But I'll keep trying, that's all we can do 🫠😊.