7 Tips for Mindfulness from a Cerebral Palsy Parent

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We know that parents and caregivers of children and adults with cerebral palsy often manage more than most parents — whether it’s scheduling specialist appointments, navigating accommodations, or worrying about their child’s future — it can feel like a lot.

1. Non-judging: Okay, this one sounds easy, right? I try to approach other people without judgement, recognising that I cannot fully understand what someone else is experiencing or how those experiences affect the choices they make in their daily life. My role is to support and encourage people, not to judge what they have or have not achieved.

In mindfulness, however, ‘non-judging’ is also supposed to apply to myself and my everyday thoughts. Okay, I will work on number one because I am still not there yet.

2. Non-striving: For the parent of a child with cerebral palsy, not constantly striving to find the best, newest and most effective treatments and approaches can feel almost impossible. Mindfulness, however, reminds us to focus on each moment as it is, rather than always thinking about the next step.

After all, even when my 14-year-old yells at me to back off, he is asserting his independence — something I never dared to dream of when he struggled to swallow puréed food without being sick. I will try not to strive quite so hard to be the perfect mum…

3. Patience: This is a good one. I definitely want to work on it — especially when I have had enough sleep.

4. Acceptance: This is where it helps not to have had enough sleep. I am too tired to do anything other than accept.

5. Beginner’s mind: Finally, an easy attitude for me to cultivate! I find wonder in almost every day. I get to be curious in both my work and my life, and I absolutely love discovering what each moment brings without preconceptions. The word ‘curiosity’ makes me happy.

6. Trust: This is getting difficult. I am frightened about my children’s future and whether they will be okay as adults. I often worry that there is always one more thing I could be doing, or that important ideas and information will not be shared in time to help the people who need them. The downward spiral of my thoughts can be incredibly powerful.

Mindfulness, and particularly meditation focused on breathing, teaches us that every inhalation is followed by an exhalation. I can trust my breath and, perhaps, learn to trust my passion for helping others, my sense of wonder, the strength of the people around me and the love I have for my children.

7. Letting go: This was the hardest part of the mindfulness workshop for me. When our teacher asked how we would incorporate more mindfulness into our lives, I replied, ‘I will remember never to minimise how painful it can be to let go.’

Letting go of anger, grief, bitterness, disappointment and expectations is hard. It hurts because, at times, I hold on to those feelings like a comfort blanket. Yet I know that, unless I can let go, I will not be able to live fully and embrace this wonderful, precious life with my family and the people who matter to me.

What tips would you like to share with other parents, guardians or carers?