How do you feel right now in one word or emoji? Go!

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  • Adrian_Scope
    Adrian_Scope Posts: 11,721 Online Community Programme Lead
    edited July 2019
    How are you doing today @AlisonNetty? Sorry to hear about your cat. I don't suppose you've had any luck tracking them down?
  • AlisonNetty
    AlisonNetty Online Community Member Posts: 192 Empowering
    She came back a few days later @Adrian_Scope thank you for asking..
  • pollyanna1052
    pollyanna1052 Online Community Member Posts: 2,015 Championing
    Hi Alison, so glad your cat has come home safe x
  • Ails
    Ails Online Community Member Posts: 2,237 Championing
    Also so glad to hear that your cat is back home and all is well, @AlisonNetty .  Hope you are feeling better.  x  :smile:
  • debbiedo49
    debbiedo49 Online Community Member Posts: 2,890 Championing
  • Adrian_Scope
    Adrian_Scope Posts: 11,721 Online Community Programme Lead
    Brilliant news @AlisonNetty!
  • pollyanna1052
    pollyanna1052 Online Community Member Posts: 2,015 Championing
    cooler!
  • Waylay
    Waylay Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 966 Trailblazing
    :#Got ESA form last Sat. Barely slept since. Feel like I've overdosed on Ritalin or something, my anxiety is so bad.
  • Adrian_Scope
    Adrian_Scope Posts: 11,721 Online Community Programme Lead
    Sorry @Waylay. Is there anything we can do to help? We're here if you need us.
  • Waylay
    Waylay Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 966 Trailblazing
    Triggers - suicide, self-harm, despair


    Thanks @Adrian_Scope . I'm terrified. I've had to go to tribunal 5 times out of 6 (I got it at MR once) between PIP and ESA. I have complex MH conditions and chronic back pain. I've had 1 assessor who did a good job, and in that case the DM took points away. I do a good job on the application, send evidence, etc., and I've had 2 tribunals apologise to me that it had to go that far, and a third make comments about the uselessness of the report. I think the assessors just go, "Uh-huh, backache, sure, and MH, whatever".

    My last PIP battle was Hell, and it broke me, badly. It severely exacerbated my mental health, and my physical health went downhill badly. It triggered my C-PTSD and panic attacks. I've been in bed for 1.5 years, basically since my PIP report came back with 0 points (I eventually won at tribunal last September). I was suicidal for weeks at a time, ended up in hospital from self-harm, etc. I'm eating at least once a day now, showering once a week, and I've just been getting to the point of actually being social in the past couple of months (twice!). I've regained half the weight I lost, and started doing very basic exercises again. Started an online class in data science. Now this.

    My knees actually gave way when I opened the envelope, and my first thought was, "So do I OD today, or wait a few weeks/months?" I wasn't expecting a reaction that bad. (Don't worry, housemate has pills now). Been in bed since.

    All I can think is they'll take it away, or put me in WRAG, and it'll take months to appeal and I can't borrow any more money. I'll have to claim UC, so I'll lose SDP and EDP, and if I have to go to the JC and/or courses, I'll end up immobile due to a back spasm, or so depressed or anxious that I can't get out of bed, or I'll have a crazy 35hr sleep, and I'll get sanctioned, again and again.

    I just can't. I can't do it. Last time was so bad. I don't think I'll make it through another one. :/



  • Adrian_Scope
    Adrian_Scope Posts: 11,721 Online Community Programme Lead
    edited July 2019
    Hello @Waylay.
    You sound like you're having a really bad time at the moment. Is your housemate aware of the extent of your anxiety about all this? Have you expressed how overwhelmed you're feeling to a professional? (You can always give Samaritans a call on 116 123 if you need to!)

    On the more practical side of things, have you got anyone that could help fill in the form with you and are you confident of the descriptors and demonstrating how they apply to you?
  • April2018mom
    April2018mom Posts: 2,863 Championing
    Today was a funny day. I postponed our planned trip to Brighton until next week. I am dreading cookery day next week (we have decided to try making pizza for the first time) with the children. The last time we made chocolate cake. 
  • debbiedo49
    debbiedo49 Online Community Member Posts: 2,890 Championing
    @Waylay
    know exactly how you feel and if you can, ask yourself, did I get through this before? What helped me last time? I was on and off the esa roundabout and it is so unfair and cruel! All you can do is get the best advice and support you can, look after yourself and know it’s just a process and keep talking it through if that helps. I just feel that these processes are doomed to failure and I expect the worst that’s my anxiety talking. Then if it succeeds I am over the moon and if it fails I’m expecting it. It’s times like this you need to focus on anxiety management and keeping well. Are you able to access any help where you live? 
    Hugs
  • pollyanna1052
    pollyanna1052 Online Community Member Posts: 2,015 Championing
    cold!
  • debbiedo49
    debbiedo49 Online Community Member Posts: 2,890 Championing
    Melting
  • April2018mom
    April2018mom Posts: 2,863 Championing
    Boiling. I just finished off my tenth cup of water. 
  • debbiedo49
    debbiedo49 Online Community Member Posts: 2,890 Championing
    Drowsy ? 
  • April2018mom
    April2018mom Posts: 2,863 Championing
    Tired. I participated in a walk today then went to a event with my children. So I had leftover pizza for dinner as I was too tired to cook. 
  • RainbowJo
    RainbowJo Online Community Member Posts: 74 Contributor
    ?
  • debbiedo49
    debbiedo49 Online Community Member Posts: 2,890 Championing
    RainbowJo said:
    ?
    Oh no ! You can get medicine for that lol. Hope you stop feeling ? soon! Yeh it must be the ? or something I just had a big fight with my son and it all came down to miscommunication! I felt very angry and wanted to smash some plates! 
    We had a talk after and it’s fine again. I’m just so stressed about money at the moment as my son is not working and the money I was getting for him has stopped. It’s the uncertainty. Feels overwhelming at times. 

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