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Tell me a joke!

Adrian_ScopeAdrian_Scope Testing team Posts: 7,924

Scope community team

edited August 2019 in Coffee lounge
In honour of National Tell a Joke Day, we want you to tell us your best/worst/favourite jokes.
Please remember to keep them suitable for the community.  :D

To get you all started:

What's the best thing about Switzerland?*
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus!

*Joke shamelessly stolen from @Sam_Scope
Senior Community Partner
Scope

Your feedback is really important to the development of the online community, so please remember to complete our online community annual survey

Replies

  • Ami2301Ami2301 Member Posts: 7,440 Disability Gamechanger
    Yeah....my joke I made isn't suitable for the community 😂
    Disability Gamechanger - 2019
  • Adrian_ScopeAdrian_Scope Testing team Posts: 7,924

    Scope community team

    Then I shall expect it emailed into the community inbox for ...uh ... moderation. :smiley:
    Senior Community Partner
    Scope

    Your feedback is really important to the development of the online community, so please remember to complete our online community annual survey
  • Sam_AlumniSam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,731 Disability Gamechanger
    What does the mexican nosy pepper do? 

    Gets jalapeno business
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • pollyanna1052pollyanna1052 Member Posts: 1,998 Disability Gamechanger
    what do seaside donkeys have for lunch?
  • Adrian_ScopeAdrian_Scope Testing team Posts: 7,924

    Scope community team

    I don't know, what do seaside donkeys have for lunch?
    Senior Community Partner
    Scope

    Your feedback is really important to the development of the online community, so please remember to complete our online community annual survey
  • GettinOldeGettinOlde Member Posts: 495 Pioneering
    Sam_Scope said:
    What does the mexican nosy pepper do? 

    Gets jalapeno business
    Over my head - you'll have to explain. ❓

    Resident joker - not to be taken too seriously ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • GettinOldeGettinOlde Member Posts: 495 Pioneering
    edited August 2019

    What's the best thing about Switzerland?*
    I don't know, but the flag is a big plus!

    Boo! 👎👎👎 😝




    Resident joker - not to be taken too seriously ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • Richard_ScopeRichard_Scope Posts: 2,725

    Scope community team

    Did you hear about the guy who dipped his testicles in glitter? Pretty nuts.

    Scope
    Specialist Information Officer - Cerebral Palsy

    Want to tell us about your experience on the community? Talk to our chatbot and let us know. 
  • Richard_ScopeRichard_Scope Posts: 2,725

    Scope community team

    I accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next trip to the loo could spell disaster

    Scope
    Specialist Information Officer - Cerebral Palsy

    Want to tell us about your experience on the community? Talk to our chatbot and let us know. 
  • Ami2301Ami2301 Member Posts: 7,440 Disability Gamechanger
    I will send it over in a moment 😂

    @GettinOlde all up in yo sounds like jalapeno 

    @Richard_Scope I was worried where your second joke was going after reading your first joke 😂
    Disability Gamechanger - 2019
  • GettinOldeGettinOlde Member Posts: 495 Pioneering
    I accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next trip to the loo could spell disaster

    Ouchie or Pebbled[ash] 🤣

    Resident joker - not to be taken too seriously ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • GettinOldeGettinOlde Member Posts: 495 Pioneering
    edited August 2019
    Ami2301 said:
    @GettinOlde all up in yo sounds like jalapeno
    Yeah, I was playing with the syllables but couldn't make it sound right - hal-ap-en-yo -but I get it now, "all up in your business".
    Resident joker - not to be taken too seriously ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello  @Adrian_Scope   Like this thank you for a cold wet day freezing where I am.  Need an uplift to the evening.

    Few jokes and now are you  sitting comfortably a few stories to amuse and titillate  .   

    A piece of string walks into a bar asks the barman for a drink no do not serve drinks to string.

    Walks out second piece of string walks into a bar are you a piece of string no I am afraid not. 

    Penguin walks into a bar showing every one a photo nodding his head in dismay . Comes to me have you seen my brother? . What does he look like ?

    As you probably did not know used to buy and sell things. So one day asked to go to a village on a call out. Met a very elderly lady at her home. In the Yorkshire dales.

    Two dogs scampering to meet me at the front door as I knocked. Entered her home very pleasant offered me tea.

    Poured a nice cup of tea and some biscuits on a plate on the coffee table. 

    Gone a while these biscuits scrummy.  Very nice lovely.  When she came back shock horror where are the biscuits. Sorry I have eaten them no there not for you for the dogs.

    Went to this house frequented by an elderly couple who were very emotional when I arrived.  Sorry to hear your upset do want me to leave.?

    No it alright our two dogs had died last few days we have had  them a long time.  A  gent in the village is a taxidermist . Oh that is nice I remarked. Are you going to get them mounted.? No love just side by side.  Will do.

    So it is a hot sticky day in Sunderland I just taken charge of my new mobile phone. It was the Eighties had one with an aerial and rather snazzy.

    So arrived at this block of flats near Roker park no lifts working to visit this lady.

    Arrived sweating and tired got the door she opened it rather petite old lady. The heat hit me straight away being July had the heating on.

    Got into this little hallway locked the front door after me. Then into another room locking that one as well.

    So here I am in a front room of sorts all alone with her. I answered meekly. Do you live alone.?

    No I am getting married soon. Oh that is nice when?. Well all it takes is the wrong number.

    Buttocks clenched suddenly taken keen interest in me.  Trying to steer me into no mans land. If you get my drift.

    I am a polite gent. 

    Suddenly thought my mobile phone in my sweating jacket pocket. Guarantee you pressed every button on that thing, bleeps, whistles going off.

    Sorry that is the call on my mobile.  Have to go. Sorry just as we were getting acquainted she uttered.

    Forget about the lift not working never ran so fast to get out not every day you have an encounter with over sexed seventy or maybe older.

    My grandma was a widow often went with us on Holiday. Had an annual season ticket for funerals. .

    My grandma looking through obituary columns disappeared off to complete strangers funerals.

    Apparently on the hunt for another husband. Well she quipped where else can I meet gentlemen of my age.

    Only found out one evening when she had too much sherry came back all in bits and pieces.  

    Started talking about it.  Mention the last one was awful still had the crusts on the sandwiches and they used white bread the buffet terrible. I mean who serves crisps and nuts.

    I meekly asked not any one catch on well love no really just never asked at all.

    Besides she sniffed it was a lovely service.  Lots of gentlemen there besides she said it saves time putting an ad in the paper.

    Used to go on dates a lot of them at one time. Had so many dates had a contract with Holland and Barrett.

    In fact one time went to meet the girl I was meeting at a restaurant. We introduced each other. I said to her they do an  al a carte menu . Sorry she whispered do not want a cart do not we get a plate . To eat off.

    She ended up with two knives for her ice cream.

    So I arrived to meet my date for the evening. Where we going she asked?. Do you like Scampi ?. Oh I love that Disney film.

    I am so unlucky in love once put an ad in the paper. You know Own teeth and hair. GSOH dresses well the attributes the hobbies and interests.

    Got one reply my Mother.

    I am so unlucky in love once won a years supply of After Eight Mints going to give them to my girlfriend  they all melted before Quarter to Eight.

    I once went a date with a girl who was just continuing talking me getting no where talking and talking she was. Had and hated everything about her self. The food the restaurant the car the job as she had as well. I hate this dress.

    I should be in something blue and over flowing  she hollered. I replied back how about the North Sea.

    If you run hard I uttered you be able to catch the evening tide.

    Got up and stormed out.  I quipped I hope she does not get a sore throat have to go around just to see if it is quiet. 

    Take care.

    @thespiceman























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  • Ami2301Ami2301 Member Posts: 7,440 Disability Gamechanger
    Oh @thespiceman you do make me chuckle 😂
    Disability Gamechanger - 2019
  • wilkowilko Member Posts: 2,284 Disability Gamechanger
    Our parish was celebrating 50 of being ordained a priest so we ha a low key service to mark the occasion.
    Just before the final prayer and blessing he said I’ll leave you with a smile on your faces.
    A Rabi and a priest where flying back to the UK sat next to each other reading their books. The Priest stopped reading and ask the Rabi can I ask you a question. Yes of course you can what is it. The priest asked is it right you lot still can’t eat pork? The Rabi replied yes we can’t eat pork that’s the rules. After a pause the priest asked have you ever been tempted, the Rabi said yes I was at a wedding stuffing this meat down my throat like no tomorrow and a gentleman said that’s not chicken it’s pork, well I couldn’t tell the difference. After a long pause the Rabi looked at priest and said can I ask you something, yes of course you can. The Rabi started is it right when you become a priest you have to remain celibate, yes that correct when we take the vows of Holy orders we promise to remain celibate. The Rabi paused then asked the priest have you ever been tempted. Well said the priest in my first parish there was an attractive house keeper. Pausing for a while the Rabi said looking at the priest, it was better than pork wasn’t it. 

    During the celebration afterwards to mums where serving serving the deserts and one said to the other my eleven year son , said I don’t get that joke mum explain. 
  • GettinOldeGettinOlde Member Posts: 495 Pioneering
    edited August 2019
    A frayed knot. 🌟🤣
    Resident joker - not to be taken too seriously ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • GettinOldeGettinOlde Member Posts: 495 Pioneering
    edited August 2019
    A one-armed man walks into a bar and asks for a pint.
    As he reached for his glass his empty sleeve, which had been tucked into his jacket pocket, came free and dipped in another punter's drink.
    " Hey, be careful!", said the punter.
    "Why?", said the one-armed man, "There's no arm in it."
    Resident joker - not to be taken too seriously ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • GettinOldeGettinOlde Member Posts: 495 Pioneering
    edited August 2019
    wilko said:
    it was better than pork wasn’t it.
    And the cannibalistic witch-doctor said, "I wouldn't know, I've never tasted housekeeper" 😋

    Resident joker - not to be taken too seriously ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • GettinOldeGettinOlde Member Posts: 495 Pioneering
    Paddy jumped from the roof of the building he was working on and fell to his death.
    "Why'd paddy do that?", said one friend to another.
    "To be sure, his uncle told him he flew Wellingtons during the war."
    Resident joker - not to be taken too seriously ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • pollyanna1052pollyanna1052 Member Posts: 1,998 Disability Gamechanger
    answer to my question;

    half an hour!
  • GettinOldeGettinOlde Member Posts: 495 Pioneering
    answer to my question;

    half an hour!
    Oh, not carrot sandwiches then❓🤣

    Resident joker - not to be taken too seriously ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    edited August 2019
    Elephants do not eat Penguins can not get the wrappers off.

    I was on an aeroplane with an elephant , knew he was  an elephant carrying his own trunk.

    I like parties lots of Mushrooms there last one yes there were Fun guys, (Funghi's)

    One another party was at a fancy dress one. Guy turned up with a naked woman on his back.

    Who are you I asked I am dressed as a Turtle who is the naked woman that is Michelle  (my shell)

    Went to the latest medical check up.  The Doctor said to me want you take all your clothes off and go in the corner on all fours.

    Is this part of the medical no just getting a coffee table tomorrow see if it fits in the corner.

    He asked to stand up you need to diet .  (dye it ) What colour?

    He gave me a container from a drawer want to fill that give me a specimen . What from here ?

    All my favourite Doctor jokes. Guy comes in I am a pair of curtains. Doctor pull yourself together.

    This man turns up I am acting like a dog. Sit down tell me all about it.  I can't not allowed on the furniture.

    This old man arrived at the Doctors a bit nervous I am concerned . He said marrying some one much younger than my self.  So he gave him a check up.

    The old man enquired just worried my wife might be on her own all the time.  What do you suggest?  Why not get her a friend her own age. Because the old man my time of life . Can not expect me to go out .  

    Be nice for her to have some one who can share similar hobbies and interests.

    Two weeks go by sees the Old man and his wife.  With a smile the Old man says my wife is expecting great.  Please can I ask about the friend yes guess what she pregnant too.

    Love little lad jokes. Little lad comes running in to see Grandad .

    Grandad, Grandad can you do an impression of a frog ?. Why son?

    Just when you croak were off to Florida .

    Little lad in the park with his Mother. Sees two dogs doing what dogs do. Mammy what are they doing?.

    Well the one underneath is blind the one on top pushing him around so he does not bump in to the trees and bushes.









    Community Champion
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  • pollyanna1052pollyanna1052 Member Posts: 1,998 Disability Gamechanger
    Little lad keeps asking his parents for a bike...they continually say no.

    One day, little lad says to his mum, `Go upstairs, get into bed, I`ll be up in a minute. We`re going to play Mums and Dads`.

    Mum goes upstairs wondering what he can mean.

    Little lad arrives and says `Right, let`s have this talk about getting our lad a bike`!
  • GettinOldeGettinOlde Member Posts: 495 Pioneering
    I hear Scope's introducing a new helpline ...
    Scopeaholics Anonymous


    Resident joker - not to be taken too seriously ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • OverlyAnxiousOverlyAnxious Member Posts: 1,256 Disability Gamechanger
    I went to the library looking for a book on turtles last week.

    Librarian asked "hardback?"

    "Yeah, with little heads", I replied. ;)
  • Pete2Pete2 Member Posts: 86 Pioneering
    A man walks into a bar........ouch
  • Pete2Pete2 Member Posts: 86 Pioneering
    A man walks into a hardware store and asks for 12 bees, the store keep counts them 1.2.3.....12 then 13....i only asked for 12 bees said the man, ah but says the store keep this ones a freebee.
  • Pete2Pete2 Member Posts: 86 Pioneering
    A white horse trotted into a bar..........ouch

  • wilkowilko Member Posts: 2,284 Disability Gamechanger
    Another joke from our parish priest.
    The town council in Killarney,  Southern  Ireland where concerned about the lack of tourist so they called a special meeting to discuss the matter. The council chamber was full and the chairman spoke of the councils concerns and the reason for the special meeting.  The chairman then invited ideas and comments from the members. The member raised his hand,  when I took my wife to Venice the Gondolas  where very popular. Very good said the chairman any more ideas. Another hand raised up, we could have them on the lake in the summer. That’s the sprit we are getting some good ideas now. After a long pause and quite, the chairman asked, come on now there must be more ideas surly. Again a pause then a had rose slowly, come don’t be shy. It’s all right having the Gondolas on the lake in the summer but who’s going to feed them in the winter.
  • pollyanna1052pollyanna1052 Member Posts: 1,998 Disability Gamechanger
    who says this

    quark quark

    a posh duck!
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    edited August 2019
    A duck wanders into a restaurant chooses everything on the menu.

    The waiter enquired how will the duck pay.  

    It is OK the duck replied put it on my bill.  
    Community Champion
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  • Richard_ScopeRichard_Scope Posts: 2,725

    Scope community team

    To continue the duck theme:

    How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

    Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers

    Scope
    Specialist Information Officer - Cerebral Palsy

    Want to tell us about your experience on the community? Talk to our chatbot and let us know. 
  • pollyanna1052pollyanna1052 Member Posts: 1,998 Disability Gamechanger
  • Adrian_ScopeAdrian_Scope Testing team Posts: 7,924

    Scope community team

    Some great ones here. You've all definitely perked up my Monday.
    Senior Community Partner
    Scope

    Your feedback is really important to the development of the online community, so please remember to complete our online community annual survey
  • GettinOldeGettinOlde Member Posts: 495 Pioneering
    duh!
    Nope - that would be duhk! 🤣

    Resident joker - not to be taken too seriously ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • GettinOldeGettinOlde Member Posts: 495 Pioneering
    Free the bread !!!
    Resident joker - not to be taken too seriously ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • GettinOldeGettinOlde Member Posts: 495 Pioneering
    How do you address a titled drake?
    Resident joker - not to be taken too seriously ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • pollyanna1052pollyanna1052 Member Posts: 1,998 Disability Gamechanger
  • GettinOldeGettinOlde Member Posts: 495 Pioneering
    edited August 2019
    Sir
    Nope.
    How do you address a titled drake?
    M'lard 

    Resident joker - not to be taken too seriously ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • GettinOldeGettinOlde Member Posts: 495 Pioneering
    I have a joke about fish and herbs.

    But now is not the thyme or the plaice.

    Careful with the foodie jokes or @thespiceman might come and salt you out. 😝

    Resident joker - not to be taken too seriously ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
      Hello  @Adrian_Scope    A few more stories .  Around my Parents. Those life and attitudes were often naïve and had no idea of modern living.

    Technology and everything about it clueless.

    Those of the days of new inventions and ideas.

    We once got a cooker with a timer.  My Mother used to mess up meal times. Often been awoken to have our evening meal for breakfast.

    The days of space technology.  Do you want your meal early? . The shuttlecocks taking off.

    Means Space Shuttle.

    Once persuaded my Parents whose attitude to going abroad was a ordeal had and since did not wish to travel. My Father especially.

    Must share my Mother used to lie constantly about travelling and any where she had been. At a Party announced to every one been to Monte Carlo.

    A party member came to me your Mothers marvellous been to Monte Carlo.  Never must have been a long time ago.

    I would not say the plane was old.  Glenn Miller lunch was on the back seat and she sat near the rear gunner.

    Another part I heard her being asked. Have you been to Greece. Well yes.  Did you have The Shish Kebabs ?. My Mother said straight away as soon as we got off the plane. Up all night with them.

    So Channel Islands beckons much persuasion after purchasing a loads of travel magazines and brochures. Every country had a fault.

    Mentioned Germany. They bombed our hen house in 1942 . Never forgive them for that.

    So we arrived at the airport. All of us had got on board except my Mother no where to be seen. Next moment a security announcement. A breach of security.

    We will be delayed by the next ten minutes and it went on. I sat next to a smartly dressed business man have to be going to St Helier have to be in by evening.

    Then she appeared my Mother flustered. As I asked no reply very quiet and said nothing as he was escorted to the back of the plane. Off we went.

    Next moment hear can you pass this please. As this voice booming out to every one. I got a tap on my shoulder. To be met with a stinking, smelly, tuna and mayonnaise sandwich.

    She had bought food on board.  I said no thanks as my lunch was being presented by the stewardess. Could hear my Mother saying Oh did not know you serve food on board bought my own.

    By the way I said no to the sandwich as it was passed back to my Mother shouting in this very small plane. Much to the annoyance of all the passengers.

    On landing we suddenly realised she was the security breach and had searched her and the sandwiches.

    She quipped disgusting poked and prodded every where plus tested all these sandwiches. Think I am some sort of drug courier.

    Me a member of a Parish Council.

    As my fellow passenger remarked when he heard what has happened. Madam all drug couriers come in all sorts and shapes and sizes.

    She mouth agape.

    Have many more .

    @thespiceman



    Community Champion
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  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    edited August 2019
    Hello @GettinOlde Got lots of those.

    Did my first meal when I was young Beans on Toast took me half a hour to get the beans out of the toaster.

    Which Herb is an Rock and Roller

    Elvis Parsley

    I had a friend who bought a microwave. Did not read the instructions, rang me one night.  Meals are not being cooked.

    All raw.  So I went around and this burning smell filled the kitchen.

    He had only put the box in a set a time.  Scorched boxes lay on the unit.

    I could not believe this.  Removed the box showed him the instructions. 

    This is what you do remove from the box the contents. Piece the clingfilm  and set the time according to the box.

    Oh well I did know that he quipped.

    Who I am to argue.

    @thespiceman
    Community Champion
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  • M_AnthonyM_Anthony Member, Scope Volunteer Posts: 309 Pioneering
    A horse walks into a bar. The barman asks why such the long face?
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    All the toilets seats have been stolen from my local Police station.

    The Police have nothing to go on.




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  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    I used to be teachers pet at school.  Kept in a cage at the back of the class.
    Community Champion
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  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Ails   Love all the Doctor jokes like that one thanks very much.

    Man goes to the Doctors can you help feel like a pack of cards.  Doctors said I will deal with you later.

    Doctor , Doctor man rushing in can you help me out. Why which way did you come in.?

    @thespiceman


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  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Scope Posts: 10,652 Disability Gamechanger
    @Ails... I now have Tom Jones songs in my head!  :D
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  • AilsAils Member Posts: 2,268 Disability Gamechanger
    Haha @Chloe_Scope, you can't beat a bit of Tom!   :D
    Winner of the Scope New Volunteer Award 2019.   :)
  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Scope Posts: 10,652 Disability Gamechanger
    Very true @Ails!!  :D
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  • M_AnthonyM_Anthony Member, Scope Volunteer Posts: 309 Pioneering
    What does a cat like to eat on a hot day? A mice cream cone.
  • GeoarkGeoark Member, Scope Volunteer Posts: 1,372 Disability Gamechanger
    I decided to get with the modern age and took inspiration from Will.I.Am, sadly Ge.Or.Ge did not work so well.




    As an individual I stood alone.
    As a member of a group I did things.
    As part of a community I helped to create change!

  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    edited August 2019


    I lived in a small village very quaint and very much old fashioned.  Lots of places had the new take outs.

    We had a bring it back.

    The local pharmacy, chemist store plus any thing else it sold was run by two old ladies.

    I went in one time what can you give an over sexed teenager. 

    Reply came back a rent free room for a year and a third of the business.

    They employed an attractive female assistant bit embarrassing going in asking for as you do at that age of teenager. I used to come away with tooth brushes.

    I never used to kiss girls just clean their teeth.

    One girl said to me once kiss me somewhere different so I took her to Seaton Carew.  Lovely fish and chips.

    A few one lines to amuse the start of the day.





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  • Adrian_ScopeAdrian_Scope Testing team Posts: 7,924

    Scope community team

    Thanks guys. This thread is always good for a chuckle.
    Senior Community Partner
    Scope

    Your feedback is really important to the development of the online community, so please remember to complete our online community annual survey
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    My father was useless at D.I. Y. went in to a home he was renovating wow the ceilings are high.

    Yes your Mother wanted two rooms knocked into one.

    Kept changing all the windows replacing the glass till he realised he had a crack in his glasses he was wearing.

    Used to do painting at home.  On the list to do jobs.  Watch out we used to have to . Anything that moved was covered in paint.

    Even our black cat ended up like a zebra.

    Only came into for something to eat.

    Imagine trying to catch a cat covered in paint exhausting.

    You could tell where it had been all over the garden and any where else . Tell tail signs of white paint on every tree or bush.

    Like that made a pun out of one line tell tail .




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  • April2018momApril2018mom Posts: 2,869 Member
    Saffy said:
    Boatman 1. "Come in number 9".
    Boatman 2. "We haven't got a number 9".
    Boatman 1. "Number 6, are you in trouble?".

    You can't beat the old ones.
    Thanks for the laugh!
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    I was in hospital the bed next to mine in the ward a lad had swallowed some coins

    Doctor used to come and see him notice still no change he remarked.

    I always ended up laughing after my operations the Doctors always had me in stitches.




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  • paffuto10paffuto10 Member Posts: 388 Pioneering
    Our son tells jokes that aren't meant to be jokes because he has literal thinking.

    It makes us realise the silly things we say. 

    Once he realises it's funny, he tells it over and over again  :)

    Me  "there's nothing worse than running out of loo roll" 
    Son  "actually there is...........Death" !

    Me  "was your fish nice?"
    Son  "don't know, never met him" 

    Love him  <3


  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    I used to work in offices where the I was the only disabled person.

    Never met any one like me, the offices staffed by mainly ladies.

    In one office the curious questioning began. One lady asked . What is your favourite soap?

    I mentioned well that is a bit personal I use own brand I suppose .

    No soap on the Television, TV you mean cleaning products.

    I mentioned a few brands. They all laughing now and me no idea why. 

    EastEnders, Emmerdale, Coronation Street . No what are they then, soaps sorry I do not.

    As they explained over the laughing.

    I once worked in this high technical area of an office. Had the latest office equipment.

    This new colleague started and straight away made a beeline for this machine, how many copies does this machine do.?

    It is an important document, as he put into the wrong machine as it shredded this document into shards.

    Or the time I rang in on a Monday saying I would be off no reply.  From the office.  Could not understand it.

    Went in on Tuesday apologised for not coming in to the laughing of office staff.

    Monday was a Bank Holiday oh I wondered why do one answered the phone.

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  • sam12sam12 Posts: 1,338 Member
    What the difference between a pregnant women and a light bulb 
    U unscrew a light bulb 
    U Kant unscrew a  pregnant women. 
  • sam12sam12 Posts: 1,338 Member
    How do you make a snooker table laugh put your hands down its pockets tickle its? s
  • DerbymduckDerbymduck Member Posts: 39 Courageous
    'I had my photo taken with the band 'REM' the other day...'that's me in the corner'...😂
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