Tell me a joke!
Comments
-
Paddy jumped from the roof of the building he was working on and fell to his death."Why'd paddy do that?", said one friend to another."To be sure, his uncle told him he flew Wellingtons during the war."2
-
answer to my question;
half an hour!0 -
1
-
Elephants do not eat Penguins can not get the wrappers off.
I was on an aeroplane with an elephant , knew he was an elephant carrying his own trunk.
I like parties lots of Mushrooms there last one yes there were Fun guys, (Funghi's)
One another party was at a fancy dress one. Guy turned up with a naked woman on his back.
Who are you I asked I am dressed as a Turtle who is the naked woman that is Michelle (my shell)
Went to the latest medical check up. The Doctor said to me want you take all your clothes off and go in the corner on all fours.
Is this part of the medical no just getting a coffee table tomorrow see if it fits in the corner.
He asked to stand up you need to diet . (dye it ) What colour?
He gave me a container from a drawer want to fill that give me a specimen . What from here ?
All my favourite Doctor jokes. Guy comes in I am a pair of curtains. Doctor pull yourself together.
This man turns up I am acting like a dog. Sit down tell me all about it. I can't not allowed on the furniture.
This old man arrived at the Doctors a bit nervous I am concerned . He said marrying some one much younger than my self. So he gave him a check up.
The old man enquired just worried my wife might be on her own all the time. What do you suggest? Why not get her a friend her own age. Because the old man my time of life . Can not expect me to go out .
Be nice for her to have some one who can share similar hobbies and interests.
Two weeks go by sees the Old man and his wife. With a smile the Old man says my wife is expecting great. Please can I ask about the friend yes guess what she pregnant too.
Love little lad jokes. Little lad comes running in to see Grandad .
Grandad, Grandad can you do an impression of a frog ?. Why son?
Just when you croak were off to Florida .
Little lad in the park with his Mother. Sees two dogs doing what dogs do. Mammy what are they doing?.
Well the one underneath is blind the one on top pushing him around so he does not bump in to the trees and bushes.
1 -
Little lad keeps asking his parents for a bike...they continually say no.
One day, little lad says to his mum, `Go upstairs, get into bed, I`ll be up in a minute. We`re going to play Mums and Dads`.
Mum goes upstairs wondering what he can mean.
Little lad arrives and says `Right, let`s have this talk about getting our lad a bike`!3 -
I hear Scope's introducing a new helpline ...Scopeaholics Anonymous0
-
I went to the library looking for a book on turtles last week.
Librarian asked "hardback?"
"Yeah, with little heads", I replied.
2 -
A man walks into a bar........ouch1
-
A man walks into a hardware store and asks for 12 bees, the store keep counts them 1.2.3.....12 then 13....i only asked for 12 bees said the man, ah but says the store keep this ones a freebee.1
-
A white horse trotted into a bar..........ouch
1 -
Another joke from our parish priest.
The town council in Killarney, Southern Ireland where concerned about the lack of tourist so they called a special meeting to discuss the matter. The council chamber was full and the chairman spoke of the councils concerns and the reason for the special meeting. The chairman then invited ideas and comments from the members. The member raised his hand, when I took my wife to Venice the Gondolas where very popular. Very good said the chairman any more ideas. Another hand raised up, we could have them on the lake in the summer. That’s the sprit we are getting some good ideas now. After a long pause and quite, the chairman asked, come on now there must be more ideas surly. Again a pause then a had rose slowly, come don’t be shy. It’s all right having the Gondolas on the lake in the summer but who’s going to feed them in the winter.3 -
who says this
quark quark
a posh duck!2 -
A duck wanders into a restaurant chooses everything on the menu.
The waiter enquired how will the duck pay.
It is OK the duck replied put it on my bill.
2 -
To continue the duck theme:
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers
3 -
duh!0
-
Some great ones here. You've all definitely perked up my Monday.0
-
1
-
You can see the strangest things if you look hard enough.
The other day I saw a piece of toast in a cage at the zoo.
It was bread in captivity.
6 -
Free the bread !!!1
-
How do you address a titled drake?
0
Categories
- All Categories
- 14.2K Start here and say hello!
- 6.8K Coffee lounge
- 64 Games den
- 1.6K People power
- 96 Community noticeboard
- 21.9K Talk about life
- 5K Everyday life
- 53 Current affairs
- 2.2K Families and carers
- 819 Education and skills
- 1.8K Work
- 431 Money and bills
- 3.3K Housing and independent living
- 884 Transport and travel
- 652 Relationships
- 61 Sex and intimacy
- 1.3K Mental health and wellbeing
- 2.3K Talk about your impairment
- 845 Rare, invisible, and undiagnosed conditions
- 893 Neurological impairments and pain
- 1.9K Cerebral Palsy Network
- 1.1K Autism and neurodiversity
- 35.5K Talk about your benefits
- 5.6K Employment and Support Allowance (ESA)
- 18.4K PIP, DLA, and AA
- 6.5K Universal Credit (UC)
- 5K Benefits and income