Tell me a joke!

Saffy

Boatman 1. "Come in number 9".
Boatman 2. "We haven't got a number 9".
Boatman 1. "Number 6, are you in trouble?".

You can't beat the old ones.

April2018mom

Saffy said:

Boatman 1. "Come in number 9".
Boatman 2. "We haven't got a number 9".
Boatman 1. "Number 6, are you in trouble?".

You can't beat the old ones.

Thanks for the laugh!

Chloe_Alumni

I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time consuming.

thespiceman

I was in hospital the bed next to mine in the ward a lad had swallowed some coins

Doctor used to come and see him notice still no change he remarked.

I always ended up laughing after my operations the Doctors always had me in stitches.

Chloe_Alumni

What did one hat say to the other? You stay here. I’ll go on ahead.

Ails

Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip to space?  He wanted to look for Pluto.  

thespiceman

All the ladies whom I dated used to call me treasure. Because when they ever met any friends . They used to add where did you dig him up from.?

Two cows chatting in a field one says to the other I am not too good thinks I got this mad cows disease.

The other adds I have not got it I am a horse.

My Mother had to visit one only time for a check up.  At the Doctors.

New to everything not familiar to the receptionist.   My Mother some what taken aback as she at the time was a local Parish Councillor

Was asked you need to fill in personal details.

Don't you know who I am she hollered.?  Please do not worry madam the Doctor will tell you who you are when you go in.

paffuto10

Our son tells jokes that aren't meant to be jokes because he has literal thinking.

It makes us realise the silly things we say. 

Once he realises it's funny, he tells it over and over again 

Me  "there's nothing worse than running out of loo roll" 
Son  "actually there is...........Death" !

Me  "was your fish nice?"
Son  "don't know, never met him" 

Love him 

thespiceman

I used to work in offices where the I was the only disabled person.

Never met any one like me, the offices staffed by mainly ladies.

In one office the curious questioning began. One lady asked . What is your favourite soap?

I mentioned well that is a bit personal I use own brand I suppose .

No soap on the Television, TV you mean cleaning products.

I mentioned a few brands. They all laughing now and me no idea why. 

EastEnders, Emmerdale, Coronation Street . No what are they then, soaps sorry I do not.

As they explained over the laughing.

I once worked in this high technical area of an office. Had the latest office equipment.

This new colleague started and straight away made a beeline for this machine, how many copies does this machine do.?

It is an important document, as he put into the wrong machine as it shredded this document into shards.

Or the time I rang in on a Monday saying I would be off no reply.  From the office.  Could not understand it.

Went in on Tuesday apologised for not coming in to the laughing of office staff.

Monday was a Bank Holiday oh I wondered why do one answered the phone.

sam12

What the difference between a pregnant women and a light bulb 
U unscrew a light bulb 
U Kant unscrew a  pregnant women. 

sam12

How do you make a snooker table laugh put your hands down its pockets tickle its? s

Derbymduck

'I had my photo taken with the band 'REM' the other day...'that's me in the corner'...?