Share a joke with us! - Page 6 — Scope | Disability forum
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Share a joke with us!

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  • leeCal
    leeCal Community member Posts: 7,550 Disability Gamechanger
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    Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

    great food,
    no atmosphere.

    “This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.” 
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

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  • leeCal
    leeCal Community member Posts: 7,550 Disability Gamechanger
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    so did you hear about the baguette at the zoo?

    it was bread in captivity.

    “This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.” 
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

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  • Ross_Alumni
    Ross_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,652 Disability Gamechanger
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    What do you call a sleeping bull? 

    A bulldozer 
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  • leeCal
    leeCal Community member Posts: 7,550 Disability Gamechanger
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    Why do fish live in salt water?

    because pepper makes them sneeze.

    “This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.” 
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

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  • leeCal
    leeCal Community member Posts: 7,550 Disability Gamechanger
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    A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”

    The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you …”

    “This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.” 
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

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  • Chloe_Scope
    Chloe_Scope Posts: 10,586 Disability Gamechanger
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    I don't trust stairs.

    They're always up to something.
    Scope

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  • Ross_Alumni
    Ross_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,652 Disability Gamechanger
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    What did the lightbulb say to it's mother?

    I love you watts and watts
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  • leeCal
    leeCal Community member Posts: 7,550 Disability Gamechanger
    edited August 2020
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    I have this strange talent that I can always guess what's inside a wrapped present - It's a gift.

    “This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.” 
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

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  • newborn
    newborn Community member Posts: 832 Pioneering
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    Two blood cells loved in vein.
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  • Cress
    Cress Community member Posts: 1,012 Pioneering
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    Nobody...but NOBODY will love you as much as your dog does...dont believe me?
    Lock your dog and all your family in the shed for a couple of hours and see which one is more pleased to see you when you let them out again...
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  • Cress
    Cress Community member Posts: 1,012 Pioneering
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    Sorry, not a joke as such...but, why do I keep getting emails offering to tell my future from the stars?
    They surely know I'm not going to reply, right?
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  • 66Mustang
    66Mustang Community member Posts: 13,687 Disability Gamechanger
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    leeCal said:

    I was completely ignored by the barman in my local last night, it's my fault, I asked him for the usual.


    Ha ha that reminds me of one.

    I went into a pub in Ireland and it was rubbish. The beer was warm, the food was overdone and the staff were unfriendly. It turned out it was an English themed pub.
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  • leeCal
    leeCal Community member Posts: 7,550 Disability Gamechanger
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    silence is golden
    unless you have kids
    then silence is suspicious ? 

    “This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.” 
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

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  • leeCal
    leeCal Community member Posts: 7,550 Disability Gamechanger
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    How many apples grow on a tree?
    All of them!

    “This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.” 
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

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  • Cher_Alumni
    Cher_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 5,741 Disability Gamechanger
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    A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
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  • newborn
    newborn Community member Posts: 832 Pioneering
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    That isn't my ladder. It's my step-ladder.
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  • leeCal
    leeCal Community member Posts: 7,550 Disability Gamechanger
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    I don’t want to brag but I finished a puzzle in a week and it said 2/4 years on the box

    “This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.” 
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

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  • Cher_Alumni
    Cher_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 5,741 Disability Gamechanger
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    Elton John hates ordering Chinese food. Soy seems to be the hardest word.
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  • leeCal
    leeCal Community member Posts: 7,550 Disability Gamechanger
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    My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him. Went out, had drinks and he's a web designer.

    “This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.” 
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

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  • leeCal
    leeCal Community member Posts: 7,550 Disability Gamechanger
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    If you’re not supposed to eat at night why is there a light bulb in the fridge?

    “This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.” 
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

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