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  • leeCal
    leeCal Online Community Member Posts: 7,537 Championing
    Want to hear a joke about paper?

    never mind, it’s tearable.
  • OverlyAnxious
    OverlyAnxious Online Community Member Posts: 4,923 Championing
    Quick physics challenge for you - create a vacuum in less than 60 seconds...  No pressure!  ;)
  • OverlyAnxious
    OverlyAnxious Online Community Member Posts: 4,923 Championing
    I've got a book coming out soon!

    Probably shouldn't have eaten it tbh...  :p
  • leeCal
    leeCal Online Community Member Posts: 7,537 Championing
    My wife accused me of being immature,
    so I told her to get out of my fort.
  • Ross_Alumni
    Ross_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,611 Championing
    How does a computer learn new things? 

    Bit by Bit
  • leeCal
    leeCal Online Community Member Posts: 7,537 Championing
    Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says "Did you hear about that outbreak of mad cow disease? It makes cows go completely insane!". The other cow replies "Good thing I'm a helicopter".
  • OverlyAnxious
    OverlyAnxious Online Community Member Posts: 4,923 Championing
    edited August 2020
    I had a job interview last week. 

    Interviewer asked if I could perform under pressure...  I said "no, but I can do a cracking Bohemian Rhapsody!"
  • Geoark
    Geoark Online Community Member Posts: 1,468 Championing
    If you have to wear a mask and glasses, you could be due for condensation,
  • leeCal
    leeCal Online Community Member Posts: 7,537 Championing
    I was seriously thinking about getting a job cleaning mirrors, why?
    It’s just something I could see myself doing..
  • male45
    male45 Online Community Member Posts: 338 Empowering
    I saw a lot of pigeons huddled together.
    I think they're planning a Coo
  • male45
    male45 Online Community Member Posts: 338 Empowering
    I just got back from a friends funeral. He was hit on the head by a tennis ball.
    It was a lovely service.

  • male45
    male45 Online Community Member Posts: 338 Empowering
    I just had a meal of calf liver, kidney and heart. 
    It was offaly good!
  • male45
    male45 Online Community Member Posts: 338 Empowering
    At hospital over the weekend I heard a load of patients reciting Scottish poetry, apparently it was the serious Burns unit
  • male45
    male45 Online Community Member Posts: 338 Empowering
    When my Grandad was 65 he started running a mile a day to keep fit. He's 70 now and we have no idea where he is .
  • male45
    male45 Online Community Member Posts: 338 Empowering
    A Glaswegian lad, takes his girlfriend home for the first time and introduces her to his folks "this is Amanda", his dad jumps up and says "IT'S A WHAT".???
  • male45
    male45 Online Community Member Posts: 338 Empowering
    How does a Geordie carpenter make sure his doors are level?

    By eye man.
  • male45
    male45 Online Community Member Posts: 338 Empowering
    it's the way I tell.em lol
  • leeCal
    leeCal Online Community Member Posts: 7,537 Championing
    I just watched a program about beavers,
    It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen
  • leeCal
    leeCal Online Community Member Posts: 7,537 Championing
    Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

    great food,
    no atmosphere.
  • leeCal
    leeCal Online Community Member Posts: 7,537 Championing
    so did you hear about the baguette at the zoo?

    it was bread in captivity.

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